Nicky Haslam and Cilla Black on their special relationship

'Cilla has taught me fortitude. She’s got huge guts, and she doesn’t act like a huge star except when she needs to': Nicky Haslam on Cilla Black. Photograph: Rex

We met on 30 January 1965. I remember it so precisely because I was guest-editing US Harpers Bazaar. Richard Avedon was shooting the whole issue, and the plan was to shoot Cilla at his studio that day. We were all staying at the Ritz and it was Winston Churchill's funeral that morning, so the three of us watched from the windows of the Ritz before heading to the studio.

At the time Cilla was a huge star – bigger than the Beatles – and she'd just had a hit with "Anyone Who Had A Heart" the year before. It was one of my most favourite songs. She was wearing a short mini-dress and she posed like this floppy doll. I still have the photographs of that day.

We hit it off straightaway and I knew we'd be friends. She was gorgeous and friendly and we shared a love of music.

Cilla and I tend to talk light-heartedly about very serious?subjects. I've always felt like I could talk to her if there was an issue, but I don't like to be too intense – there's nothing worse than boring one's friends with one's problems, is there?

I think the hardest thing Cilla's been through was when her?husband Bobby died. She was very cut up – she adored him – and I tried to be there for her as much as possible.

In a funny way, she's very motherly. She looks after people and she has that very nice nurturing, nesting quality.

Cilla has taught me fortitude. She's got huge guts, and she's self-deprecating – she doesn't act like a huge star except when she needs to, but she's not a swank. And she's game for anything. I love that about her.

Nicky Haslam's album Midnight Matinee is out on 1 July

Nicky is one of the most gorgeous men I've?ever known. The first time we met I?remember thinking how?fanciable he was. We?spent that year going to clubs like the Ad Lib and the Scotch of St James and having a brilliant time. Then in 1966 he went off to Arizona to become a cowboy. We lost touch until he came back to London in 1974. Nicky is the type of person I won't see for months, then we'll meet and it's as if not a day has passed. The last time we spent proper time together was in Barbados this year – we went for dinner the day I?arrived and spent most of the trip together.

There's more to our friendship than parties and holidays, though. If?there?was ever a serious issue he would be there for me, and in the past he certainly has been.

There's a lightness to Nicky – no?matter what your issue, after talking to him things seem OK. We've only ever had cross words once. We were on a?boat in Majorca 15 years ago?and I didn't like someone he did. We disagreed about it – had a little shout – and then it just blew over. We usually see eye to eye on people – he has a?very good instinct for what people are really like. Speaking as a person who's a?common as muck, Nicky's got style?and?class. He brings those qualities to everything he does, but he's no snob. He?has friends from all backgrounds.

We speak on the phone, but I'm not very good with technology. Recently I'd just got a new iPhone and I was trying to save his number in it late at night. Turns out I?was pressing the wrong button and I'd been sending him photographs of me in my nightie. He phoned me at 5.30 that?morning going: "Daaarling, are you OK?" – and that's him, really: caring, funny – and fabulous.

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Writers Sheila Heti and Miranda July on their special relationship

'Our friendship is very beautiful. It began with a big risk on my part and then a risk on Miranda’s side': Sheila Heti (left) about initiating a friendship with Miranda July

Our friendship is very beautiful. It began with a big risk on my part and then a risk on Miranda's side. A year and a half ago I was asked by Bad Day magazine to interview her. I nearly didn't do it, because sometimes you just have this impulse not to. But I was familiar with her work and I'd watched her movie The Future, so I came up with a bunch of questions. Two minutes in, she told me that she was pregnant, which was very open of her.

After chatting for an hour, I felt this crazy, excited sensation surging through me, and I'd never felt like that after an interview before before, so I called my friend Margot (I had to keep talking) and told her how inspired Miranda had made me.. As a journalist, you don't tend to interview people with a view to becoming their friend. You can't expect that. It's not professional. Or rational. I thought: "She'll think I want to be friends with her because she's Miranda July." But I felt a real human connection and decided not to look at the world that way. I had this instinct that we had a lot to say to each other. So I?took a leap of faith and emailed Miranda, suggesting that we speak for an hour once a week on the phone. I said I thought we had a lot to learn from each other, then I pressed "send".

A few days later I was feeling a little embarrassed because she hadn't replied, but finally she did. She said: "I had the exact same feeling!" and agreed that we should chat once a week. I was so pleased.

It was unusual to have a contract drawn up like that before we even had a friendship. Usually you don't have commitment promises in a friendship. Usually it just grows. But it was consistent: we started emailing all the time, spoke for an hour each week and built a profound friendship. One of the greatest points of pleasure in my day is getting an email from Miranda. The second is writing one back. We talk about our work, relationships, her child, how we're feeling that day or any troubles that we're having. I don't think there's anything I wouldn't say to her. We've met face to face about six times and got on just as well. There is lots of trust between us. Miranda's a big part of my life.

I was doing a ton of interviews when I met Sheila, so I was shocked that talking to her didn't feel like an interview. I was sort of taken aback by her email. I did a web search on her, which is embarrassing now – I'm cautious with people who reach out in such a forthright way. But as I read stuff she'd written and looked up her friends, who were all creative, I concluded: "Wow, I'm lucky that this person wants to talk to me for an hour a week. This girl knows what she's doing. We should be friends."

It's not always easy to make a close friend at this age. Maybe we needed that level of formality, a purpose. It feels like one of my first real adult friendships – there's not this need for parity that you get when you're younger. Or this merging. It's more intimate and more boundaried; we know what we both want. I longed for something that had the intimacy of childhood friendship – clothes, your bodies and boys – and where our lives as artists could play a huge role. We played catch-up for a while – showed each other pics of boyfriends past and present, filled each other in on our pasts.

It's a literary friendship, too. We critique each other's work. Sheila's a great support. When I had a baby I was consumed with my body. I sent her a pic of my milk-filled new breasts in the negligee I bought to make use of them. "Was that too much?" I asked. "No!" she replied. "Here are mine!"

I would love to see Sheila face to face more. There's a kind of built-in assumption that we will one day. It's amazing how little you can see people but still stay in regular contact. I've?never had a friendship like this before.

We Think Alone, a project by Miranda July, launched on 1 July. It was commissioned by Magasin 3 for On the Tip of My Tongue

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Tim Lott | Money – the biggest taboo in a relationship

Tim Lott: 'My wife says that my having more money than her makes me feel -powerful. She’s right – up to a point.'

This week I am going to write about the biggest taboo in relationships I know. Not sex, not death, not bodily functions. I'm going to write about money. Money in marriage is incendiary. It involves issues of power, feminism, patriarchy, trust and much besides. I have tried to write this column once before and had it flatly vetoed by my wife because she felt that?the ground I was treading on was too dangerous.

This column appears only after an emotional and sometimes painful back-and-forth about the subject. She accused me of sexism, while I suggested she was using double standards (I asked her, in her imagination, to switch the gender roles to see how it would look then).

My wife works as a part-time associate lecturer and, like many part-time workers, who are predominantly women, tends to be discriminated against in terms of financial reward and?employment opportunities. I, on the other hand, am reasonably well paid for challenging but not backbreaking work.

My wife does more of the childcare, cleaning and cooking than me. This is predominantly for practical reasons. She is physically at home for a lot more of the time than I am and, with a part-time career, she has more hours available. She also tackles all the laundry, having rejected my offers of participation in that area after I shrunk a cashmere sweater, pegged it out incorrectly and turned a dazzling white load grey.

I have somewhat more disposable income than my wife – because I earn significantly more than her. Although I cover a good deal of the family, holiday and household expenses, she doesn't feel this gap in resources is fair. But I am not quite sure what might make a better alternative. The idea that when you get married all your finances merge into one, strikes both of us as rather archaic. We both want to have our own money and bank accounts, rather than everything being in just one joint account.

The income inequalities also mean that if there's a big expense, like a foreign holiday or house improvements, I tend to have the last say. She feels that infantilises her, as she needs to "ask me". But we both recognise that in any circumstances where consensus is required – such as large expenditures – we need to ask each other anyway.

My wife says that my having more money than her makes me feel powerful. She's right – up to a point. It gives me an area of control, although I don't think I use it in order to control. I just think that some form of imbalance is inevitable.

When it comes to the house and children, my wife enjoys virtually total authority. She believes that she has earned that authority by putting the most effort into it. The power gravitates to her and she feels more comfortable with that arrangement.

Likewise, I believe there is bound to be a certain discrepancy over the amount of authority in financial matters so long as I generate most of the income. That is not to say I call all the shots or use the money to control my wife. I don't. There is just a discrepancy, and some measure of inequality in all marital arrangements is unavoidable. We get by.

I would say we have relatively few arguments about money. But it's tricky. There is a lot of counselling out there for emotional and familial difficulties in a relationship, whereas so far as I am aware there is very little practical advice on how to run family finances. And yet a number of studies identify disputes about money as causing more arguments in a relationship than any other issue.

Personally, I think the main solution is generosity of spirit and faith in the other person. I may be falling short in both these departments – in which case it isn't only the bank account that needs a top up. It's my trust fund.

‧ Follow Tim on Twitter @timlottwriter

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The Most Rewarding Relationship You Can Have Is Not Sexual

Envision Media Arts

"We’ve worked on -- and mastered -- a different kind of post-breakup arrangement: We do everything together except bone."

My best friend is one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met. She’s smart, but not a know-it-all, which makes her curious and wide-eyed. She’s funny, but she never goes for the cheap laugh, which makes her surprising. She’s a knockout, but she doesn’t know it, so, yeah, she’s humble. She’ll give you the shirt off her back, but, boy, will she make you work for it (I owe her 60 bucks at the time of writing). She’s tough as nails, but if she breaks her own? Forget about it. She’s responsible, works harder than anyone I’ve ever met, takes nothing for granted, believes in me and doesn’t scare easy. She is, perhaps, the perfect girl.

Oh, yeah, she’s also my ex. We ended our traditional boy-meets-girl relationship over five years ago and have since embarked on something a touch more unconventional. Some exes continue their sexual dalliances long after they’ve split. Just because I hate the way you breathe heavily when you watch TV and you hate the way I peel an avocado doesn’t mean we can’t keep going down on each other, right? But because a total lack of sex was the reason we decided to end our relationship in the first place (more on that later), we’ve worked on -- and mastered -- a different kind of post-breakup arrangement: We do everything together except bone. We’re everything but f*ck buddies. Friends with different kinds of benefits. It’s our non-relationship relationship.

But before I explain exactly how this works, and how it’s changed our lives, here’s a brief history of how we got here.

We dated for almost a year, but it went by in a week. The honeymoon phase -- which, for all you relationship neophytes, is the period when things still feel fresh and exhilarating (that is, the sex is still good) -- was cut short when I moved to New York for a job opportunity.

Sure she visited me, but there was no denying that our relationship had been permanently stained by the “who are you going out with tonights?” and the “why didn’t you call me backs?” and the “when are you coming homes?”

When I did return home, things fit again, like a shoe in mud, but it was clear from the start that something was missing. The expiry date on our relationship had been accelerated, because that’s what long distance does. It stuffs everything into a vacuum and forces you to confront a top 10 list of typical relationship problems right here, right now. Communication breakdowns, questions about the future, jealousy and accusations, the measuring of expectations, trial breakups. These are issues that couples in more traditional relationships face one at a time, like pit stops on a cross-country road trip. They’re spread out and there are signs, so you see them coming. When I moved to New York, we had to confront them all at once. Next Page >>

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Deconstructing the male vs. female brain in a relationship

Most of us have witnessed the unfolding of a story similar to this one...

A young woman and a young man in their early 20s stumble upon love. As they free-fall on this magic carpet, life suddenly appears to them extraordinary in all ways, even in its smallest details.

Their perception of the world has changed. Powerful hormones, we are told, will allow them to fly free in love for six to eight months. Only later, when they reach age 28, will they be less in the thrall of their reproductive organs, and this is especially true for men.

"Women would like men to react like them and talk about love and emotions, while men would like women to react like them and make love."

At the age of 28, our respective prefrontal cortexes, which are in charge of rationality, will have become almost mature and will be more apt to control our physical compulsions. However, love is not only a question of hormones, different brain structures and phases of development. It is also and mainly a question of identity. It tries to answer the question, "Who am I?"

This identity is sensed and takes form between the ages of 14 to 21 years old. The frontal lobes in your brain are not yet mature during this time, which implies that subconscious baggage as well as projection will have a lot to say about your choice of partner at these ages. During this phase, the medial prefrontal cortex, where we find many receptors for the oxytocin hormone (also known as the bonding hormone), is center stage in mediating your identity.

Are boys and girls similar at this point of development? No. Each sex uses brain structures slightly differently and often does not use the same structures for the same goal. In the case of identity, boys are in quest of an image they wish to give themselves, whereas girls are in quest of the image they seek to attract.

Indeed, it has been shown that although the male and female brains appear similar, some structures might be more voluminous or connected in one gender than in the other. The true difference, however, resides in how each gender uses these structures. In addition, we all are unique. That is to say, how you use your brain and how I use mine will be as different as our fingerprints, influenced by everything we have experienced since our parents conceived us.

In the case of romantic relationships, research has shown that males are more emotionally affected by a breakup than females are. Why is this?

Research tells us that women have a receptive tendency on the physical level but are active on the emotional level, whereas men are active on a physical level. So, when men "receive" emotions, their reaction is physical, not emotional. And vice versa: When women receive a physical connection, their reaction tends to be emotional.

In general, men naturally have a tendency to use structures associated with what we label the motor brain. Therefore, when a man is faced with emotions, he would rather find solace in the physical world. He'd rather chop wood, go for a run, watch sports, make love or even fight physically than talk about how he feels.

A woman, expressing her emotions through structures associated with what we label the mammalian brain, will talk about them, cry or laugh, and easily analyze them. Needless to say, women would like men to react like them and talk about love and emotions, while men would like women to react like them and make love.

There are many levels to humans other than the physical and the emotional, and my book, Isis Code, explains the tendencies of both genders at each level of development.

Would you say that if the woman wants to have a more emotional conversation with her man that she should approach it in a physical setting, say, by going on a hike?

No. If you want your man to have a more emotional conversation with you, he will have to develop aspects of himself in the same way women go to the gym and develop muscles. It is not a natural tendency for most women, but they may do it to get closer to their men. There is no quick solution here except to choose a man who already has worked on these aspects within himself.

Let’s apply this information to the stereotypical summer fling. Why would a woman be more likely to get attached emotionally in this kind of relationship, when the man can be satisfied with a strictly physical relationship?

Simply put, the genital parts of men can work independently of their emotional world, while women naturally structure relationships in a more holistic way.

We women often get accused of not telling him how we really feel, while men are often accused of not picking up on our body language, which is telling them we are mad even when we are saying we’re not. What causes the sexes to act and react this way?

Since men are receptive emotionally and not physically, they will notice your body language less than what you say.

The heightened experience that love brings to us is a change of perception, which some compare to the effect of a drug. Our senses become keener, everything is more beautiful and, suddenly, life is worth living. We get up and go to the gym at 6:00 a.m. because he or she is there. We undergo a heightened state of awareness and expansion.

This is all because our identity is recognized by someone with whom we resonate. He or she acts as a mirror unto ourselves, and we like what we see. There is an affinity between the receptive and active levels of the two individuals as if keys had found their appropriate locks and vice versa.

In the case of a breakup, the newly found identity is suddenly negated, and the victim has to reinvent himself or herself. The best way to prevent heartache is therefore to build our own, strong identity — to know more about ourselves — before falling in love.

To read more about how your brain works, read Ariane's book,?Isis Code.

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Adopted brothers Charlie and Tom Russell on their special relationship

I was two when we lived in Santiago. We had been put in touch with an adoption agency. One night Mum and Dad piled my big sister Alice and me, in our pyjamas, into the car and drove to a house. A few hours later we were on our way back home and next to us was our tiny new brother Tom, three weeks old. At first he was just a toy, someone to cuddle, prod and stare at. But as we grew older, the inherent differences between us developed into a profound brotherly love.

Tom was so giggly, and Mum would try to make him laugh hysterically as he was eating supper, which we all loved to watch. He was energetic and sweet but could also be intense.

At school, when I was nine and Tom was seven, I saw him throw something at a ruffian in my year. The ruffian started to chase Tom, and I was terrified of what would happen. But Tom fixed him with such a powerful glare – a?standoff – that he left Tom alone. I later learned that Tom had been provoked by the boy, and I've never forgotten how brave he was. From then on I knew he could handle himself. Naturally it bothered me that Tom was picked on – he was small, Chilean-looking, a?bit different. He came out at 12, which is young but testament to how at ease and honest he's always been about himself. He said: "If they don't like me it's their problem."

Tom doesn't judge, criticise or interfere in other people's lives, and when I confided in him – he's very good to talk to – about starting a business, he couldn't have been more supportive. "You'll regret it if you don't," he said.

Tom probably thinks I should initiate arranging to meet up. I always look forward to going home, as he still lives there – it's such a treat to catch up and laugh together.

I always knew I was adopted, but it wasn't the subtext to my adolescence. If anything I felt like the cute baby of the family, not the adopted one. Charlie is my irresistibly cool older brother, into boyish stuff like football, rugby and activity, while my interests have always felt a bit geekier: comics, science, gardening, etc. I used to be hyperactive – borderline ADHD, I?suppose – and this probably made it difficult to be around me. Especially as a sibling.

Growing up I liked making stuff and going on little walks by myself, but since we've got older our interests have overlapped. I started kayaking, and Charlie's just launched a business selling 20th-century furniture – which is creative. Plus, he now loves three-hour hikes in the country.

Once Charlie and I used rope and flowerpots to create a?pulley system. He took his place high up in a tree, I stood below, and we passed messages to each other all afternoon.

I did experience bullying at school, which I wasn't particularly vocal about, and when it got bad Charlie wanted to do something about it. He told me recently that he'd briefed his rugby team about doing a potential intervention and they'd agreed to help him back me. It never came to that.

Part of the reason we work so well as brothers is because there's never been any rivalry. Charlie's never had "middle-child syndrome". He's kind and loving, and one of the few people who truly understands me. I'm a quiet person and tend to procrastinate. He'll come to our parents' house, where I?live, and say: "Get up and do something!" We're both patient, something we've inherited from our dad, but you can tell he's trying to be patient while biting his tongue.

If you like unique vintage furniture, please visit Charlie's brand-new website mar-den.co.uk

To contact Tom about gardening, go to Tom The Gardener

If you'd like to appear in this column, email meandyou@observer.co.uk

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'You're dumped': how to end a relationship by text

Breathe a sigh of relief, everyone – we are finally allowed to dump people by text. For a while, this was frowned on. Splitting up with someone by SMS was a heartless move that bordered on the sociopathic; a move for scoundrels who lack the basic empathy to, say, shred their loved one's clothing, pack it into binbags and hurl it at them.

But now it turns out that Russell Brand and Charlie Sheen – who both seem like perfectly nice men – have dumped people by text, which means it is probably OK for everyone else to start doing it too.

These were not casual little flings, either. Katy Perry has revealed that Brand ended their marriage with a text on New Year's Eve 2011, while Sheen reportedly just fired his own sitcom co-star by angrily bashing the c-word into his phone with his thumbs. This, I am sure you will agree, is wonderful news.

It means that we?now have carte blanche to end all?our important relationships with the minimum of fuss. Your girlfriend has been acting suspiciously? Text-dump. One of your employees has eyes that are too close together? Text-dump. Your baby has not yet learned how to use the toilet, despite being alive for six whole months? Text-dump immediately. It is so easy. You don't even need to tilt your head up to do it. What could be more perfect?

Obviously there are still matters of etiquette to consider. If you are going to dump someone by text, at least try to get the grammar right. "You're dumped" is a succinct statement of fact, but "Your dumped" is a simple kick in the teeth. Similarly, deploy your emojis carefully. A crying face will suggest that this was a difficult decision to reach, but using the top hat emoji – or, worse, the one that looks like a happy little dolphin – will only confuse things.

Finally, try to remember that if you do end up dumping someone by text, you should fully expect to be dumped by text in return. Which is bound to happen at some point anyway, you heartless git.

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How To Keep Healthy Relationship?

Healthy loving relationship is a divine gift. All over the globe people are running behind this. Healthy relationship is like an asset to any man's life. The man who has everything like money, friends, popularity but not a healthy relationship has actually nothing. He is not satisfied indeed. People are so curious about what are the key factors of a healthy relationship?

Here are the main key factors:

Giving and taking: No relationship can be healthy if it is a selfish relationship. If you think things have to be on your side always then nothing good will be achieved. Knowing your partners demand and do accordingly can give you the place to expect. Then your partner will also respect and recognize your side. Little bit positive compromise can build an extraordinary relationship. You will sure get your expectation from your partner fulfilled when you will be trying to fulfill your partner's.O Communication:Communication is the basic need of a healthy relationship. No relationship can be well without strong communication. Communication gap can make a quite distance between each like when you are filling stressed and depressed your partner can not give you any support if there is a lack of communication. Communication could be of many types. Whenever you are at office you can just send your partner a sms saying miss you or asking what are you doing? Again simply a hug or kiss can also build a great communication. You just have to understand your partner's choice an o according to this to build a great communication.

Physical Interaction: Physical interaction is so needed for a healthy relationship. It is now scientifically proved that how important a strong and proper guided physical intimacy for maintaining a strong relationship. For example an affectionate touch can increase the amount of Oxytocin a hormone responsible of bonding. Some persons think that only intercourse is the mean of physical intimacy but they are wrong because kissing, holding hands, hugging, affectionate touch are also great mans of showing or increasing intimacy.

Spending Quality time together:Recent days all the persons are so much busy that they cannot manage time to spend time together. This can create gap and ruin a relationship. Children and their study, office, business friends can make it difficult to make time for each other. But making quality time for each other is not a hard task. It can be one even by telling everyday at least five times I love you or something like this. There are several ways to spend quality times with each other like at least spend five minutes together daily anyhow, trying some new restaurants or movies at the weekend, having dinner together, try not to do office work at home etc.

Ups and down: There can be ups and down in a relation naturally. Sometimes relate to each other could be problem for so many things like death of any person or sudden financial crisis or excessive work pressure or excessive unbearable costs etc. These conditions are enough to create stress and a fatigue in any relationship. But anyone can easily protect this situation and has the key at him/herself. Some advises are :

1. Control your anger: Stresses or impressions or problems bring anger most of the time to any person. This anger can cross its limit and can affect your partner also. First of all you have to have the other means to control it like hearing music, watching movies or like going out for a walk.

2. Do not try to impose your problems on your partner: Some people try to get release from their messy conditions by imposing this on their partners. But this could not give great result in the long run. You can share your problems with your partner and try to make a solution together. You have to think that your partner is the best support of your life. So in your messy situation your partner is the light of your path.

3. Try to see problems as a possibility: If any problem rises in a relationship then try to ignore this. Together any couples can overcome a lot of problems. Problems are the field of working together.

Relationship can be the most valuable wealth in a man's life if it is healthy. A little bit concern can keep a healthy relationship. If the health of a romantic relationship remains significant to you in needs your close attention and observation.

Having healthy relationship is so important.Learning can make this possible to keep a long term healthy relatonship.

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Relationship Issues

In an uncontested or a mutual divorce there is no necessity of an attorney or hearing before a court of law. Where children are involved in the wedlock or the division of property is a question, it is always better to ask for the advice of a lawyer before signing any legal document. It is less expensive compared to a contested one.

In an uncontested relationships the most common issues arising are as follows:

Property division, child support, spousal support and any other economical issue.

If there is any issue regarding child support the order needs to be signed by a judge. In such cases usually both parties are required to be present at the time of a hearing to determine of the amount of child support. Again if either of the individuals has not come to a fair settlement in the eyes of law, then a court has the right to intervene if the aggrieved spouse applies before it.

When a contested divorce becomes uncontested:

When even in a contested divorce there are no disagreements, it is truly "uncontested" in the sense that it can be resolved out of court. Where the spouses arrive to a decision regarding the terms of the without passing through a trial, it amounts to an uncontested divorce. Uncontested divorces are speedier and less expensive compared to contested divorces.

Every couple who wants a divorce should make an honest attempt to decide the mutual terms for the dissolution of the tie without going to court. If they cannot resolve their own disputes, they can also go for arbitration and conciliation, with or without the help of lawyers. This is not only time and money saving, but also helps in avoiding lengthy litigation process. An uncontested divorce also helps both parties to get back to their normal lives more quickly.

Rate of uncontested divorce in different countries:

Statistics reveal that 95% of divorces in the U.S. are "uncontested", because the two parties can resolve the tie out of court.

Uncontested divorce is the administrative form of divorce in Thailand. This is chosen by most of the couples for its high speed and straight nature. But all couples may not opt for this type of divorce. Only those who got their marriage registered in Thailand have the option.

Disadvantages of Uncontested divorce:

Complex issues, high financial involvement and complicated legal procedures are the characteristic features of contested divorces. An uncontested divorce can often be performed without a lawyer; litigation often involves experienced counsels who are experts in a contested divorce. If one spouse is represented by an attorney or financial issues come into play, it is advisable to ask for an attorney for relationships advice

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How to Start to Deal With Problems in Your Relationship?

So you are having difficulties in your relationship, whether it is a marriage, someone you live with, or a person you date. You know what that makes you? Human. Having issues when dealing with a person who you are romantically involved with is a part of life. In fact, if you do not have issues right now, it could be that you or the other person is swallowing his or her needs and desires for the sake of getting along, which makes it seem like everything is perfect. Instead, though, it could be the sign of even bigger problems.

At any rate, dealing with problems in your relationship is vital if you want to have a future with that person. Here are some tips on how to do so sensibly:

Examine your perceptions, expectations and desires

Before you assume that the other person is wrong, think about what your perceptions are, as well as your desires and expectations. Maybe you have a desire to have a perfect relationship like you see people have on TV, but that is not realistic. It is also unrealistic to expect that you and your partner don't need to have any other friends, and that you can get all of your needs in life from that person.

Another deadly thing that can kill a relationship is if your perception of the person is off. You want to see things clearly, not have black and white thinking, or judging a person on what you expect him or her to be, even when that doesn't match reality. So think about whether the problem is you, before complaining about the other person. That also means getting real about what you may have done to contribute to the problems in the relationship.

Talk to a personal or life coach and your partner, not your friends or relatives

Okay, so now you have done the work on examining what you have done to contribute to problems in a relationship, and examining your perceptions. Yet you still have issues with your partner. What do you do next? Talking to a counselor, or a life coach, is a good idea to work out those issues. When you blab to your friends or family members about these issues, you may think you're blowing off steam, but the people you tell won't forget your complaints, and may hold it against your partner. Not only that, but they will get sick of hearing it after a while.

A life coach can help you and/or partner work on communications skills, come up with problem-solving techniques, and get along better. That's a heck of a lot better than just griping to your friends about how your loved one gets on your last nerve. Click here for more information about a life coach.

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Enhance the Bonding of Your Relationship with Proper Guidance

Relationships have their own value and importance in everyone's life. There are many things that you need to consider like to maintain a relationship with complete responsibility and trust on your loved one. However, in life, there are many problems which you may have to face. The problem may also arise in your relationship and you might feel bad and dejected because of it. In fact, the relationships are very delicate and you may need to respect it. However, many times, the things go so wrong that it does not leave any hope among the people. To save their broken relationship, then can visit the experts who will help you in solving all your issues and help you enhancing your trust and understanding in between you and your loved one.

For this, you must visit the reliable service provider only so that you may achieve the best outcome and save your relationship. There are many leading professionally trained experts in Orange County, who are offering their valuable assistance by their effective guidance and counsel the people to make the best out of their relationship.

The experts have complete knowledge about attachment and bonding and they understand all the aspects of a relationship. If you are facing problem in your personal life and losing the person whom you love most, then you can surely get the counseling of these experts and enhance your confidence to save it. They will help you finding the trust and understanding between your loved one and you.

They have arranged a set of treatments for the clients which are included depression and anxiety, panic attacks and phobia, sexual and relationship problems, medical and healthcare concern, grief and loss, work and career issues, stress management, addiction and recovery, parenting and family issues, conflict resolution and others, developing intimacy and others. Thus, with their expertise and knowledge, they will help you in maintaining the best possible efforts to develop a communication between you and your partner. Likewise, if you are facing trouble with your career, and could not find a way, then you can surely get a perfect solution from these experts.

Moreover, they will help you in creating a strong bonding through communication whether it is your partner or any issue that you are aware with. The experts are highly qualified and have been practicing these finest quality counseling services since many years. Moreover, they have also successfully provided their valuable guiding services to the clients who have succeeded in making their relationship and running it smoothly. If you are also facing any kind of struggle within your relationship or other issues in your life, then you can surely get your appointment with these experts and get their sessions. For more details, you can also visit the website and go through the complete details.

For More: Couple Counseling

Charles Cutt is a professional writer for blogs and articles. He is passionate about making people cognizant of the ongoing trends. Peggy Bolcoa offers counseling to provide couple therapy, resolve conflicts, developing intimacy and strengthen individuals, develop intimancy and couples in and around Costa Mesa, CA

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Marriage Relationship Counseling For Couples - Getting Anxiety Counseling

Today there are many different types of stress that an individual might experience. Anxiety counseling is one type of therapy that one might seek if they are struggling with this problem. Additionally marriage relationship counseling can help a couple work out the problems that they might have.

Many different things can lead to serious problems with any relationship today. Financial strain and work stress can lead to arguing that creates even more stress. Additionally other problems such as infidelity or other types of addictions can also result in problems within the relationship.

When you are looking for a way to resolve the problems you are experiencing, you can turn to various forms of therapy to help you. Determining the right counselor will be important as each one offers you a different approach to resolving the issues. Because there are a number of things that you can do to solve problems today, you might find that specific methods work best for you.

In some situations, you might be seeking the help of a therapist to work through issues of extreme stress in your relationship that was caused by another person outside the relationship. There are a number of reasons that a relationship might experience stress. However, problems such as infidelity and other types of addictions can quickly result in a relationship ending if it is not addressed properly.

Determining the source of the issues will be the first step for any type of counseling whether it be for a couple or for an individual. In some cases, individual counseling may also require bringing in the rest of the family to help. When any one person is experiencing a problem, others around them are affected as well.

Marriage relationship counseling for couples will help a couple to restore their relationship or make the decision that the issues cannot be resolved. When you are willing to try to work through the problems, getting counseling will help by having a third party basically mediate the discussions and negotiations that need to take place. For any issues to be resolved, both parties need to be able to make changes to their behaviors and work with the other person.

Anxiety counseling is done in a number of different ways. The strength of the anxiousness that the person feels will first need to be determined as well as if it is a general anxiety or only toward specific situations. Medication may also be prescribed to help work through the issues by helping the person be more relaxed.

About Us: Deciding to seek counseling to help you work through problems can be very helpful. Visit http://www.renewyourpassion.com/ to learn more about the therapy choices available to help you get the help you need. Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC 1424 NE 155th St #206, Shoreline Langley/Island County, WA, United States, 98260 Contact No. 206-930-7780

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Get Your Relationship Back With The Help of Love Spells

Love is the beautiful part of every life which is experienced by everyone. Its basically a gift of God to those who can feel the presence of love in their life. It gives the bond to a relationship. There are many possibilities due to which there comes a dispute in a relationship and there are many reasons behind this like mis-understandings, family issues and much more. After working hard on the relationships, people do not able to get it back as a result of which they loose hope.

There are some solutions that are beyond the understanding of science and technology which can bring the relationship back with love and affection. There are many online services that offer the solutions so as to get the love back that works very effectively. Such online services works using the spells as its basis. Hiring online service is better option as some people feel shy in contacting such services in their nearby locality.

There are some Guaranteed love spells that must be used with some cautions. This is because as they use the energies in their procedure and if they are not used properly then there could be some adverse effects also. These energies are directed through some props and symbols to bring the desired change and to achieve a certain wish. The props are used to generate the energies. On the other hand, symbols are not basically the agents but they help in raising the particular thoughts and represent some specific ideas.

Witchcraft los angeles and there are some more sources through which one can get the guidance over the procedure that is to be carried out. Moreover, there are two types of magics also that are used in such practices and these are black magic and white magic which is followed by people since last many years. White magic deals only with positive effects where black magic can sometimes have its negative effects also. Black magic is not bad at all if it is not used with any bad intention. Black magic also requires special guidance as if not followed properly then there could be very ill effects.

Apart from these two, there is Psychic love spells also that can be used. It can be used for simple as well as for complicated purposes. The biggest advantages of such love spells is that it gives the peace of mind. Since, it is very disturbing that the person whom you love is no more interested to be in a relationship. Thus, with such psychic helps one can calm down their emotions also.

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Things That Can Turn You Out To Be Intolerant In A Relationship

When you like a person, you tend to like almost everything in him. However, there are some people who have their own set of "likes and dislikes" which make them a more tolerant person than before and there could be certain things which grow the "intolerance" in a person.

Many of us define the criteria beyond which we may tend to lose our patience and get "intolerant". Some of these traits are:

Infidelity

You may tolerate every possible error coming from your partner, but when it comes to "infidelity" you may lose all your patience. In fact many spouses or partners would never be tolerant about the fact that their beloved is holding someone else in his arms or is entangled in others' arms.

Lie

You may prefer to hear the hardest truth with a smile on your face, but you may not be able to tolerate a small lie coming from the most important relationship in your life.

The physical weight

Sometimes there are some people who have always dreamt about their spouse being in shape lifelong. For some reasons or the other like, post pregnancy, or after recovering out of an ailment when the souse gains weight the other partner may get intolerant about this gain.

Over-Religious

If you find you partner to be over-religious your tolerance level may swipe off the window.

Over-eating

Sometimes, one of the partners is a light eater, whereas the other one could be too fond of eating. You may go easy with it initially, but a time will come when your tolerance reaches its last limit.

Punctuality

Some people are quite punctual, when they see their partner never getting ready on time, either for the office or for going to a party then, you may get intolerant about the same.

Not wanting children

You desperately need a child in your life; unfortunately your partner doesn't, because he or she is not ready to take the responsibility at this point of time. You are sure to get intolerant about it when you have expressed your desire to your partner and the same has been let down.

Not wanting to socialize

You really want to have a large social group whereas, your spouse doesn't, this would lead to a difference in thought and after much of your efforts if you see your partner not changing the attitude, you may get intolerant.

Not helping in the daily chores

When you go on handling the daily chores, day in and day out without your partner even realizing that you need hi help, quite early you are likely to lose your patience and get intolerant about the whole affair.

Summary:

Intolerance in a relationship never comes in day or two, unless the person basically doesn't have much of patience. In most of the cases, a tolerant person turns out to "intolerant" only after a prolonged period of test and trial he or she undergoes from his spouse.

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How You Can Balance a Relationship With a Demanding Career?

A lot of us have grown up seeing couples in our family remaining steady and committed to each other, and forming some sort of a balance between work and their relationship. Sometimes there is no spark to keep the relationship alive, but people stick to each other out of habit, fulfilling the compartments they have created in their lives. On the other hand, extremely ambitious people, such as movie stars, sportspeople and businesspeople have relationships that seem inevitably doomed. The conclusion we naturally form is that if we are very ambitious, we cannot hope to sustain a successful relationship. However, you need to question that conclusion. Even if you are a highly ambitious person, and have set out to achieve a great deal, you can maintain a healthy relationship.

Choosing the Right Person

If you wish to balance your relationship with a very demanding career, the kind of person your partner is, is very important. If they are the kind who like to avoid the limelight, prefer a simple life with a loving and caring partner who is generally around, and have a high sex drive to top it all, you are in for serious trouble. Ideally, you need a partner who is either self-contained and ambitious like yourself or someone willing to involve themselves in your achievement. Tennis star Roger Federer and his wife are a great example of a couple who have managed to sustain a healthy relationship in the spotlight.

Prioritize Right

It may be difficult to find time away from work, but whenever you do, make sure your partner is your priority. Go out for a date or a nice dinner, spend some quiet time together or set aside a full day of fun. They need to know that they are important to you, in spite of the demands of your career, and you will not take them for granted.

Communication and Intimacy

It is imperative that you make time to talk to each other everyday, even if it is for ten minutes over phone. Healthy communication, no matter how little, is a very powerful way to keep the spark alive in a relationship. Also, whenever you are with them, keep physical intimacy a priority. By physical intimacy, I am not simply referring to sex. Any form of touch, whether it is a gentle caress, holding hands or fondling your partner, is a very powerful statement of love. Of course, if you can really spice up things in the bedroom, nothing like it!

Involving Your Partner in Your Life

Don't make the mistake of treating your career as a separate compartment of your life. Keep your partner involved in what's happening in your life. It gives out the message that they are important for you, and you value their involvement in your life. Besides, if you did not share your successes and frustrations with them, you may have very little to talk about, and your partner is never going to be able to follow the turns of your mood.

Listening to your Partner

It is natural for ambitious people to be very self-centered. However, don't be so self-involved that you lose the capacity to listen to your partner, find out about their lives and support them, when they need it. Even if they are not on their way to becoming the CEO of a global conglomerate, their life, with its challenges, questions, and ups and downs, is no less important than yours. If they get the impression that they are expected to play second fiddle to you, the spark will fade away rapidly.

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A Relationship Recovering Out of 'Infidelity'

Sometimes, we live under this notion that, the fate of 'infidelity' in a relationship is only and only the dissolution of the same with a bad and a sad note. But, when you come to think of it rationally, you will understand that there is much more left to the bond.

Blunder or Mishap

First of all you need to understand if your partner has been like this or this has been the first incidence in your lives ever since you have initiated the bond. If the answer is 'first time' then there is no reason for you to think that it cannot be turned into a 'last mishap of life'.

Yes, you need to see it as a 'mishap' because may be the attraction your partner had was short lived. And, there is a need for you to introspect if your disinterest in him or her, for whatever reasons was the main precursor to the fall out.

Having realized this, the next step is to work on recovering the relationship out of this pain by may be adopting the given measures:

Be empathetic than sympathetic

Every time both of you look at each other, you both need to understand the mutual mental state. One is hurt and the other has been hurt, but pain for none is less, rather the one who has committed the mistake is likely to feel guiltier. So, make every possible attempt to understand each other.

The one who has slipped up will lose confidence in himself and the other one who has been ditched will have little confidence in the relationship. But, while you are recovering, this is one of the most important requirements that both of you are confident about revving this relationship, the way it was before. You must display confidence in your partner and help him or her to come out of the guilt.

Build Intimacy, physical and mental

On the course of revival, it is important that you gradually develop the same intimacy, rather more than what you both had. It would take some time for you to devote yourself while making love, but, make sincere attempts. Probably, lack of it might have been a reason for your partner to slip off, so bridge the gap and make it a stronger one than before.

Memories do fade with time as time is the best healer. Give, yourself sometime and so to your partner by living as normally as possible. Try and get a joint involvement in the daily house hold chores and bring life to a normal track.

Summary:

Infidelity is always a 'nightmare' for a couple, but if your partner has otherwise been a genuine companion, then there is no reason for you to dissolve the bond. After all, it's a bond which makes you 'soul mates'. Live the happiness of being together and forget the 'sad patch' as soon as possible.

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Rankin and his sister Susanne on their special relationship

"There's a lot of glue between us": Rankin and his sister Susanne. Photograph: Observer

When we were growing up in Glasgow Rankin could be really mean, really wild and was always late for everything. I was the more emotional, reliable one. We moved to St Albans when I was 10 and Rankin's wildness reached new levels. One New Year's Eve, he babysat while our parents were at a party. I found him in the kitchen messing about with a dead turkey. Suddenly the turkey started flapping. "It's alive!' he boomed. He'd attached it to a car battery.

Mum and Dad moved back up north during my A?levels and Rankin and I lived on our own in the family home. He'd host mad parties – on week nights – and I'd find strangers cutting each other's hair in our bathroom, bands doing photoshoots in the living room. He was always centre of attention. If I'd ever wanted to be the alpha sibling, our relationship wouldn't be as good.

By the time I finished uni, Rankin was taking photographs of well-known people: Kate Moss was always at our place. It was early days for Dazed & Confused so he asked if I wanted to help with the business side for a bit. It turned into a long time.

Eight years ago, Dad died of a heart attack and Mum of cancer three weeks later. Their death brought us even closer. Rankin developed a building for his studio, offices, and an apartment on the top floor where he lives with his wife and son, Lyle. I live on the second floor with my partner and son. Rankin takes on a lot of responsibility for lots of people, including his family. I talk more to his wife than to him sometimes, but if it's something really serious, it's my brother I turn to.

Dad and I would take the mickey out of Susanne. She bore the brunt of many a?prank. The teasing subsided when Susanne joined me at senior school. We weren't close, but I definitely looked out for her. She was five years my junior and I guess it wasn't cool to hang around with someone that much younger. .

We grew closer when we lived together on our own. I'd just left accountancy to take up photography and I was late to the industry and playing catch-up. I didn't drink until I?was 18 or 19, or smoke, or do drugs. Those mental parties I threw weren't seedy in that way. That all came later.

Success didn't just come overnight. During that time, Susanne stood by me. When things started blowing up with Dazed, her life and mine became incredibly entwined. I knew I could trust her. She was intelligent and I felt secure having her in the gang because she had my best interest at heart. She's practical, loyal and if she left the business now it would collapse. We became really close when I was 30, after my first marriage ended: she was so good with my son, Lyle.

It was important having that family time before our parents passed away. Those moments back at the house after the funerals… I consider our relationship to be very Scottish: Susanne is steady, normal, stoic and we don't hug much. I take her for granted, but I'm always there when she needs me. She knows how much I love her, but we never talk about it. There's just a lot of glue between us.

Rankin's ALIVE: In the Face of Death is at the Walker Art Gallery until 15 September as part of the LOOK/13 photo festival (lookphotofestival.com)

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Charlatans musicians Tim Burgess and Mark Collins on their relationship

'I don't know what "best friends" is – it sounds a bit playground. We're good mates': Mark Collins, right, on Tim Burgess. Photograph: Tom Sheehan for the Observer

I first saw Mark playing live in the Wallflowers at the Hacienda in Manchester back in 1991. On stage there was something typically Mancunian guitarist about him, which I thought was really cool, like Johnny?Marr. We needed a new guitarist for the Charlatans and I?asked a mutual friend to let him know.

He joined the band and we quickly became inseparable. I was 23, he was 25. We were free – young men in the wilderness, in a band and ripping up the rule book. I?remember reading Jet Black's Seven Days in Nice and getting stoned and naked while we partied. As you get older, you forget about all that?kind of stuff, but it's part of being friends. I witnessed his first serious relationship and saw him have kids.

We agreed to do the video for "North Country Boy" in New York with a ￡50,000 budget. We rented a cameraman and a director and blew the rest on first-class flights and a week at the Tribeca Grand Hotel. We were smoking whatever we could get our hands on, having parties every night. The video looks like it was made with ￡2,000. Watch it and when you see us in the back of the car you can tell we're having a good time.

There's a blurred line between our working relationship and friendship. I've been pretty demanding on Mark. I value that we are still close. He probably understands me better than anyone else. As my own relationships come and go, Mark's been a great friend. When I moved to LA I?thought he'd come, too, but he didn't. I guess I was pretty crazy to think he would. I realised that was as far as I could push him. He used to come to LA and we'd write songs. For me that was very cool, because I was doing a lot of drugs and Mark prised lyrics and music out of me when no one else would have been able to.

He's my favourite guitar player. He probably doesn't know that. He'd never think highly of himself. He needs someone who can push him and get the best out of him, and I can.

I got a phone call saying that the Charlatans needed a guitar player. Tim rooted for me to join – I think he wanted someone with a Mancunian accent rather than another Midlands one. We ended up hanging out and talking and listening to records. Tim's an avid collector, and he was my jukebox. We spent a lot of time going out, listening to music and getting smashed.

We were on holiday somewhere on the Mediterranean Spanish coast in the summer of 1994. We drifted out on lilos and the sun was beating down on us. We plotted the making of The Charlatans, the fourth album – we spent a week doing that. When we got back home we spent ages on Tim's futon in Chalk Farm, getting up every morning and writing songs.

I think I encourage Tim and I hope I push him. I can translate for him. He might have an idea he doesn't know how to get out of his head, and I'll help him do that. That's how we write songs.

This winter we hired a place on the south coast of England for a week and took our guitars down. It was absolutely freezing. We just holed up, stoked the fire 24 hours a day, drank a lot of coffee and made music. We got five new ideas. We can still handle being in the same room for weeks at a?time. That's a test of whether you are true friends.

He's a free-spirited man and a positive character to hang around. Tim's good for you. He's not obsessed with money – it doesn't matter if you've got it or you don't have a penny. I?love his desire to explore new things. It's what he's always had.

I don't know what "best friends" is – it sounds a bit playground. We're good mates, and I'm sure we will be to the end.

Tim Burgess plays Latitude Festival on 19 July (latitudefestival.com)

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My teenage daughter is shy about sex in her relationship

'At first she had a hard time getting used to kissing. Now they have moved on to the next stage.' Photograph: Keith Morris/Alamy

My daughter is 19 and extremely insecure about her body. She met her first boyfriend three months ago and likes him a lot, but feels very shy when they are intimate. At first she had a hard time getting used to kissing. Now they have moved on to the next stage, which she says does not turn her on. She wants to stay with him and says that he is extremely patient and gentle with her, but she is too shy to talk to him about it. What should she do?

It's never easy to help out teenagers without being overly intrusive, and the challenges they face while developing partner sexuality can be worrying. However, most of the time their sexuality is none of our business, so it's best to relax and trust them to find their own way.

You've probably made sure that your daughter learned sexual safety rules, and what constitutes both consensuality and coercion, but apart from that, she should be given the privacy to develop her own erotic style. I can understand your concern, but when it comes to sexual growth, shyness and introversion are not necessarily obstacles.

Most children are uncomfortable acknowledging their sexual pleasure to parents – especially if they've sensed disapproval about their emerging sexual feelings in the past. It's certainly OK to check in with her from time to time concerning safety, birth control, and her general sexual wellbeing, but only step in to advise on sexual matters if she specifically asks for your help.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don't send attachments).

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