Advice for couples who double as business partners

Most couples agree that they love spending as much time as they can with their partner, but they like having a daily break while at work, too. But what about couples who work together?

Whether at home or in an office, it can be challenging for couples to combine work and play without driving each other bonkers!

In order to prevent useless fights, couples need to learn ways to make — and keep — the peace. Here, we're providing tips for couples who work together either at home or in an office.

For those who don't work together, working at home with your spouse may seem like a dream come true (the grass is always greener, right?). You can have breakfast and lunch together, chat throughout the day and go on afternoon walks. Sounds like heaven — but if you're actually living in this situation, you know that it's not always as nice as it seems. You never get a “break” or time to yourself. Also, if one of you is having a bad day, the other person is totally aware and it takes away from the excitement you feel when you finally get to see each other after a long day's work.

Have separate offices. At the very least, have two separate work areas. You both need to be able to focus on your own job without being distracted by the other person.Set your own schedule. Are you an early riser but your spouse prefers to work late? That's OK — create a schedule that works for you.Designate time to spend together. Make a habit of spending some time during your day with your spouse. Maybe you want to eat lunch together every afternoon or take a 15-minute break in the afternoon to chat. It's up to you — but having a small amount of time set aside to talk to your spouse eliminates disruptions when you're both working.Disclaimer: If you and your spouse run a business together at home, you may need to share an office and set office hours that work for the both of you. You should still designate a specific slot of time to simply reconnect throughout the day, though.

Almost everyone knows (or is) a couple that met through work. While there's nothing wrong with this, it's important to remain professional and not let your personal life interfere with your job.

Don't carpool once a week. Though carpooling saves on gas, this is your only chance to have some alone time, run errands after work or make separate lunch plans.Keep PDA to a minimum. If your husband comes to your desk at the end of the day and greets you with a kiss, that's perfectly acceptable. But know that excessive PDA can make others uncomfortable, especially in the workplace, so keep it to a minimum.Set clear boundaries. Keep work at work and your personal life at home. At the office, there's no need to discuss personal matters — save that for the car ride home. Same goes for work talk — it's normal to discuss it at home every once in a while, but make sure to focus on your relationship instead of your work life.

And finally — there are those lucky couples who actually run a business together. This is a challenging feat for even the strongest of couples.

Communication is key. Just because your spouse is your business partner doesn't mean you can't speak up about changes you think are necessary. On the flip side, it also doesn't give you the right to be bossy or rude. Communicate your needs clearly, as you would to a regular business associate.Use each other's strengths. The beauty of working with your spouse is you know them better than you know anyone else. Separate your work into areas that allow you each to focus on your strengths and run the business the most efficiently.Continue bonding as a couple. Those that run a business together tend to lose sight of who they are as a couple. Continue to go on date nights, cook romantic meals at home and partake in hobbies together. Don't let your spouse strictly become your business partner.

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My partner's negativity gets me down

'It may sound mean-spirited, but while none of us fancies cohabiting with the Grinch, at least misery gives you something to work with.' Photograph: Alamy

The dilemma I have been living with my partner for 22 years. He is a lovely man but a negative person, and I?don't understand it. Everything is about mortality and ageing, traffic, too many friends coming over, will we make our flight etc. I love him and he is one of the loveliest men I know, but he can't seem to live in the moment. I am younger than he is by a few years, but I don't understand the negativity and the propensity to think that life really is a crock. We have a great life, great friends and family – what's not to love? I am a positive person, I enjoy life, but sometimes I feel like I'm in a bubble and he doesn't get me or what I am. Trust me, I try to be the understanding spouse, but sometimes it gets me so down I want to run away.We both know so many positive, lovely people, and it is a real treat to have them in our lives, but I don't understand why he feels this way.

Mariella replies Are you for real? I had to have a little lie-down after reading your letter, I?was so exhausted by the tsunami of goodwill. Such displays of heavenly virtue are guaranteed to send a sane person hurtling into the arms of any passing misanthrope. I admit goodness tends to bring out the worst in me. Agony aunts, too, can experience irrational prejudices. We are only human, after all.

So what about you? You really do love the universe and all who reside there; you even ended your email to me with kisses! Are you a?bit profligate with your affections? What do you hold back for those you really love or, like increasing swathes of mankind, does the milk of your human kindness surge out among your "network", making no?distinction between cyber and flesh-and-blood friends?

It may sound mean-spirited, but while none of us fancies cohabiting with the Grinch, at least misery gives you something to work with. Joy acts like a trampoline, everything that touches it bouncing right back off it. Inhabiting the same space as someone so unrelentingly jocular, who unilaterally loves life, must be pretty exhausting. Perhaps, ironically, it's your capacity for extreme happiness that's driven your partner to the opposite extreme.

You only seem to see the downside when it's your beloved. "What's not to love?" you ask about friends and family – and I'd happily be specific, but there just isn't enough space on the page. On a more positive note, you may be hitched to Mr Grumpy but you've lucked out on the in-laws; not a single one worthy of ducking behind a pot plant to avoid a chance encounter with. As someone so focused on the bright side, I'm sure that's already occurred to you.

It could just be me: I'm suspicious of extremes, and your ebullience is causing me concern. You describe your partner as "one of the loveliest men" and I keep getting stuck on the "one of". Just in case my instinct is right, and you are thinking of other lovely men, can I caution you against the bombastic bon viveur, a tempting character, I know, when you are long-term hitched and displays of unmitigated enthusiasm are thin on the ground. It can be dazzling in the focused light of their joie de vivre, but just as swiftly they'll point their beam elsewhere, roving the terrain for new converts and leaving you deeper in darkness.

Moving on is certainly not a crime, but if it's tempting you, make sure you're doing so for the right reasons. Most of us find it a challenge to stay put for the duration now that we're living three times as long as our ancestors used to. Seeing the world differently is one of the toughest incompatibilities to reconcile in a?relationship. If your worldview has become so diametrically opposed to your lover's, it may indeed be time to call time. A pessimist simply doesn't recognise the world through optimistic eyes and vice versa, but in relationships many of us get typecast as one or the other before we're even aware the auditioning phase is over.

You're playing Mr Jolly to your partner's Mr Morose. How about switching roles? Could you countenance as an experiment lowering the tone of your giddy delight? Without you to rely on to pull him up, your partner might have to do a bit of the legwork himself. Likewise spare a thought for how far you might drift without his ballast. When you've been together for decades, surprising each other is essential fuel for reinvention. Changing the mindset of a lover invariably involves a willingness to contemplate similar seismic shifts in your own behaviour. For a?positive thinker like you, that should come as no great challenge.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. To have your say on this week's column, go to guardian.co.uk/dearmariella. Follow Mariella on Twitter @mariellaf1

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I resent my older partner's demanding children

'We don’t spend as much time together as we would like, and this situation makes me feel second best.' Photograph: Kay Blaschke/Getty Images/Stock4B Creative

I have been seeing an older man for just over six months now. He is wonderful and I love him. He has three grownup children who are a similar age to me. I feel guilty for saying this but I resent them. They are extremely demanding. Despite them all having jobs they expect him to pay for everything and drive them everywhere, at any time of day or night. It is impacting on our relationship; we don't spend half as much time together as we would like, and it is making me feel second best. Should I accept that I?am not his priority or try to make him?compromise?

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