Confession: I had to get to know my one-night stand

Acquaintances to friends to true love

Meredith became pregnant after a St. Patrick's Day celebration but wasn't interested, at first, in a relationship with her baby's father. As her pregnancy progressed, she wanted to learn more about him so they could become friends and successfully co-parent, but they wound up in love instead.

Meredith and Spencer found themselves at the right place at the right time?— only they didn't know it right away. A fun celebration resulted in a pregnancy, and their determination to become friends and be good co-parents led to a beautiful love story instead.

Meredith was born and raised in the Toronto, Ontario, area in Canada, but relocated to Honolulu, Hawaii, in 2004 to study zoology at the University of Hawaii. She describes her life before she met Spencer as “basically a disaster.” Devastation set in after an engagement was broken off and she dropped out of college. She took a job doing manual labor installing hardwood floors and spent her time off partying. “My professional and personal lives were very interconnected because my co-worker and boss lived below me, so we'd install floors all day, then hang out all night, drinking until 2 then getting up at 6 and doing it all over again,” she shared. “It was crazy. I drank and dated too much. It was a time of excess.”

She first met Spencer over a friend's class project?— building an imu (a Hawaiian oven built into the ground). “Spencer was there and I recall that he was very, very cute and that he kept looking at me in a way that gave me butterflies,” she fondly remembered. “I was in a relationship at the time so I didn't give him much thought, though I hoped I'd see him again.”

Fate intervened a year later, after her engagement was broken off. Her neighbors had him over and Meredith decided she'd try to get in touch with him. “He was planning to move to Peru that summer and I was just looking for a fun fling, so it seemed like perfect timing,” she said.

"I was entirely focused on the baby and wasn't interested in the complexities of a relationship."

On St. Patrick's Day, they were hanging out together in downtown Honolulu drinking and having a wonderful time. “I remember I was wearing mint green skinny jeans and a fedora,” she shared. “Those were crazy days!”

A couple of weeks later, she was feeling a bit off and spent some time Googling the symptoms she was experiencing, and website after website told her that they were pregnancy symptoms. She and Spencer had cooled off by this point and she had actually started seeing someone else, and she was terrified. “I took the test and didn't believe it, so I went back out and bought like five more,” she recalled. “I came home, had a beer and took all of the tests. They were all positive.”

It happened to be April 1, and Spencer didn't initially believe her. “He thought I was joking, but there I was, crying on my bed, surrounded by a million pregnancy tests,” she explained. “He picked them all up and looked at each one. I think he was praying that maybe I had misinterpreted the results.”

They decided to focus on getting to know each other better, and agreed that getting along so they could co-parent like mature adults was the goal, but romance was definitely off the table. She explained that he had feelings for her, but she didn't return them?— at first. “I was entirely focused on the baby and wasn't interested in the complexities of a relationship,” she said. “The pregnancy definitely left me shell-shocked.”

They began going to prenatal appointments together and also shopped for books and went out to eat a lot. Every day that went by became more comfortable, but romance didn't rear its head until April 29, 2009. Spencer sent Meredith a text message on his way to work to find out how she was feeling. “I told him that I had a huge craving for vegetarian pad Thai and pineapple frozen yogurt, but that I desperately needed a nap,” she said. “I passed out, but when I woke up, there was a message on my phone saying 'check the fridge.' He had run out to get me the pad Thai and frozen yogurt, then dropped it off at my house (without ever waking me up) and had then gone to work.” Touched by his thoughtfulness, she began to think of him in a different, and more romantic, light.

They started over from scratch — dating, holding hands, really getting to know one another. After about a month, he asked her to move in, and after living with Spencer's parents for six months, they moved out and got their own place.

Meredith took a job at a law firm and had intended to work until she went into labor, but five days before her due date, she was feeling exceptionally miserable and stayed home in bed. When Spencer got home, he tried to cheer her up, and a few minutes later, their Chihuahua, Tim, came in and wanted to visit her on the bed.

“When I picked him up, I noticed a small cloth bag attached to his collar,” she shared. “I opened it up and inside was the most beautiful sapphire solitaire engagement ring! When I looked up, Spencer was there, on one knee, proposing. It started off as such a terrible day, but ended up being one of the happiest of my life.”

Meredith now cannot imagine life without Spencer. She said that nobody thought they'd co-parent effectively, much less fall in love and get married, but they beat the odds. “I'm not sure how I ever looked at him and didn't see that he was my soul mate,” she explained. “We have the same warped sense of humor, he's kind and loving and oh so dreamy... I didn't get it right at the beginning, but thank heavens I figured it out before too long.”

They still live in Hawaii and have recently completed their family of four with another baby?— so their first child, a girl they called Nayeli, is now a big sister to a boy named Kai. Meredith continues to be amazed at their lives and the turn of events that turned a casual relationship into one of love and marriage. “It's crazy that we started a family as near-strangers and fell in love basically over prenatal appointments and bonding over my bizarre cravings, but that's how it turned out,” she said.

Their happiness continues and they count their blessings every step of the way. “Spencer and I are still best friends, still grab each other's butts every chance we get and still laugh over our rough beginning,” she happily shared. “We have it so, so good.”

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I can't stand my 12-year-old nephew

My sister married her husband and they emigrated 5,000 miles away in 2001. They have two boys, aged 12 and nine. The elder takes after his father and the younger after his mother.

I always found her husband a bit of?a pain, but I thought his heart was in the right place. Gradually, it's become apparent that he is socially inept, insecure and rude. He also makes jokes, that are not funny, at people's expense.

His behaviour appears to be leading the elder son to follow in his footsteps. When he was little, my nephew was a lovely kid, but now he's become sullen, petulant, rude and whiny. If anyone tells him off, he runs to his father to tell him – but his father doesn't back up the person who has pulled his son up on his bad behaviour. Instead, he says things such as "Stay as you are, you're a great?kid."

Three years ago, when I visited with my partner, my nephew's behaviour was quite shocking – he was only nine then. It was the first time I'd witnessed it and there was no holding back. My sister and her husband were trying to work out what to do with him, but didn't ever pull him up on his behaviour. As I was only visiting I did what I could to correct him, but couldn't do much as he's not my child.

At the end of last year, my sister became seriously ill; the prognosis is not good. She is in a wheelchair and is now passive and quiet – understandably, but it is a dramatic change. It makes me very sad to see my little sister like this and increases my concerns for the children and how they are being brought up.

My parents were visiting last year and extended their stay when my sister became ill. They stayed for six months to help out. However, their elder grandson was rude to them?constantly.

I'm visiting again in July. I'm dreading it. The children will be on holiday. It's going to be nightmarish. I find I can't rise above my nephew's behaviour any more. He is obnoxious and, frankly, a wind-up artist. He pushes buttons and it's all I can do to control myself. I cannot stand him. I dislike him and nothing that has happened over the last three years leads me to believe that he will change now.

They are so far away that visiting is costly and time consuming, but I have to spend as much time with my sister as possible as we don't know how long she has left. However, when she is no longer there, I can't see me wanting to visit them again. Am I being petty? Am I overreacting? E, via email

I wonder what this is really about and what happened three years ago? Your longer letter listed at great length all the things your nephew, who you named repeatedly (I took all identifying details out), has done to annoy you and your parents. That's quite a burden for a little boy to carry. When children provoke such extreme reactions in grownups, it's usually more about the adult than the child.

He may be the world's most annoying child and he may have behavioural issues, but he is only a child and, as such, however he may seem to you, he is intensely vulnerable. His mother is seriously ill. He doesn't have much life experience to fall back on, to reassure himself that even if his aunt can't stand him he's still OK. He will sense that you don't like him – children are masters at non-verbal communication – and that won't bring out the best in him.

This war you have going on with him is not fairly loaded. Has your sister ever expressed unhappiness with her husband or sons? (There was no hint of this other than "working out what to do with him".) Have your parents expressed the same feelings you have? Or are you imagining they have, or have you seized on one or two comments they have made? Would you be comfortable showing your sister or your parents (or both), the letter you wrote me?

It's really annoying when other people, even siblings, don't bring up their children the way you'd want them to, but there it is. You can't do much about that. You clearly need, and want, to spend as much time with your sister as possible. Ultimately, at the heart of this is a very sick woman and her extremely vulnerable, probably extremely frightened children. I don't doubt how you feel but ultimately, in this current scenario, you come last.

I urge you to try to stay in a B&B, not in the house, when you visit – so you can go back somewhere at the end of each day and regroup. I think that would benefit everyone in what sounds like a very sad situation. Lastly, I am going to urge you to do the very thing you don't want to: spend some time alone with your nephew.

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5 Things You Need To Know Before A One-Night Stand

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So you'll probably never see her again and you definitely don't care about being a "nice guy." In fact, you probably want to be a bit dickish so that she takes the hint that all you want is a one-night stand and nothing more.

But you know what? Being a nice guy doesn’t mean you’re leading anyone on. Think of it this way: If you're cool and respectful, she'll be more likely to see it as a positive experience. And then there'll only be more girls willing to approach a one-nighter as an equal-opportunity experience.

Our video was inspired by this Reddit thread.

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