Is Marital Happiness a Choice?

Today so many marriages end in break up. Do people expect more from their partners than they are willing to give? Are happy marriages a matter of option?

Every honeymoon ends and the spouses are compelled to face the reality. They have to make the marriage work.

What constitutes a marriage?

In the advanced countries, about half of the marriages end in break up. The spouses suffer disappointment very soon and they along with the children, if any, are shattered for the remaining years.

But marriage should not end this way. One can make a marriage happy by choosing to do so. One can start following the way to marital happiness one any day. Happier marriages come out of correct choices.

Finding out own faults:

When a couple gets divorced, they often blame each other for the breakup. Each of them believes that it was not his or her fault. Some of them think that the other spouse did not communicate properly and the other spouse was the one who was wrong. The hidden differences actually result in the crack in the relationship.

But nobody is really interested in finding out his or her own faults which have resulted in the break up. Try to find out your own faults so that the worst situation can be avoided.

Choosing own way of life:

Life is a composition of choices. Some of them create panic and disagreement while others make us happier. Our experiences are results of the decisions we make regularly.

Choosing a happy married life:

Happy marriages are directly related to how much the spouses give access to God to enter into their relationship. God is the supreme authority for the institution of marriage. God is the one who has the keys to a happy married life.

Marital problems arise when people think that human beings have created marriage for their convenience.

Human beings always want to please themselves, as such opt for the fix rapidly. Many people shorten the process of choosing in case of their marriages due to selfishness. By abstaining from being selfish, one can make a marriage happier.

Choices give results:

Choices in marriage result in good or bad results. Making the right choice in a marriage relationship should be synonymous. We have the freedom of choice and God has given us the opportunity to make choices. So one should choose a life where he can survive.

Essence of a good married relation:

In a happy marriage, both spouses surrender themselves before each another. None does it perfectly, but the right intention is necessary. When mutual surrender is present in case of both spouses, peace and prosperity prevail in the marriage.

One should choose not to change the partner. When someone decides to get married, they never think about changing their partners as they are involved with one other. But with time sometimes this attitude gets changed.

One needs to choose to serve the spouse. One should lay emphasis on doing something productive for his or her partner so that the marriage can survive.

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What is marital depression and how to avoid it

Marital depression is more common than you think, and it can destroy your marriage if you're not careful. An expert sheds some light on this rarely discussed issue and provides tips for avoiding falling victim to this rising phenomenon.

Depression?— in all shapes and forms — affects millions and millions of people each year. Whether you have a family history of it or find yourself in hard-to-handle situations, depression is not something to be overlooked.

Marital depression strikes when one person feels unusually lonely in spite of being in a relationship, which leads to depression. We asked nationally recognized marriage expert Dr. Scott Haltzman to share all about marital depression and provide tips on preventing it within your marriage.

"When couples get stuck in routines, it tends to make the marriage predictable, which is calming, but boring. And boring can be the death of marital happiness."

Dr. Scott Haltzman: Research tells us that married people, on average, are happier than unmarried people, and that being married actually reduces the risk of developing major mental illness. However, sometimes the stress of marriage can contribute to feelings of depression. Marital depression generally relates to feeling a sense of sadness, low mood and lack of energy associated with the marriage.

One woman I treated for depression had dealt with low mood and feeling a sense of control and oppression by her husband. When she got a divorce, many of her depressive symptoms of 15 years had resolved.

That being said, there are many people who suffer from depression that blame their partners, but when you look at studies of people who choose to divorce, what you find is that their depressions, on average, do not get better and they do not become happier, unless they were the victims of domestic violence or they remarried in a 5-year period during which the study took place!

SH: When couples get stuck in routines, it tends to make the marriage predictable, which is calming, but boring. And boring can be the death of marital happiness. Staying energized by marriage requires injection of novel events or activities consistently. That can range from dressing up before a date, switching identities and picking each other up at a bar, learning a new dance together or going camping together.

SH: People expect marriage to be like the Fourth of July every day. Most days it's like the fifth of July, like any other day with a fair amount of picking up to do from the day before! One of the biggest myths is that you have to be "in love" all the time, or else the marriage is DOA. In reality, many marriages have down times, and that's normal. The difference between the marriages that thrive and those that perish isn't that great — often the ones who thrive are the ones that toughed out the rough times, and now they look back and can hardly remember that they had such a difficult time.

SH: Don't try to diagnose yourself. Seek out the help of a mental health expert that can help you sort through whether this is marital depression or a different medical problem.

“Accept ownership for your own happiness. We often look to others or outside events to make us happy. Happiness truly is an inside job.”?— Dr. Ingeborg Hrabowy, clinical psychologist

“There are two components to keeping the spark alive: Avoid judgmental criticism and work to enjoy at least some of your time together. It is extremely important to curb your desire to communicate criticism to your partner. Make sure to deliver two or three positive comments to your partner each day. When you do have a criticism, deliver it with a statement that reminds your partner that you still value him. Secondly, schedule activities that you both enjoy participating in together. Let go of upset and areas of conflict during this time and focus on delighting in the activity and your partner.”?— Dr. Jill Weber, clinical psychologist

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