Prostate cancer is affecting my sex life

Don't be shy about discussing sexual issues with your doctor. Photograph: Alamy

I'm still very much in love romantically with my wife of 30 years. Recently, I've been diagnosed with prostate cancer and I have difficulties with erection. I'm rather traditional in my attitudes and would find it difficult to discuss this with my doctor. What simple measures can I take to maintain what has previously been an active sex life?

Your sexual functioning – and how it may be affected – is a standard and essential topic for discussion during your medical consultations. Ask important questions such as "What changes might I expect during and after treatment?" and "What are my options for improving erectile capacity?" You deserve full, detailed answers, because sexual functioning, if lost, greatly affects one's quality of life. After treatment, medication to improve erectile functioning is common, but there are other options such as a vacuum pump. Injections can also deliver helpful erection-supporting agents. If your doctor is suggesting surgery, ask whether it can be "nerve-sparing" (designed to provide better functioning afterwards). Ask about a penile rehabilitation programme, and consider seeking sex therapy.

Most men define sexual prowess as achieving erectile perfection, but in fact your romantic connection with your wife is not dependent on your penis. Women can be intensely satisfied in other ways, so try to loosen your "traditional attitudes" to allow for say, oral or manual stimulation.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don't send attachments).

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How to support breast cancer awareness with your wedding

Charitable & affordable wedding ideas

Brides Against Breast Cancer is a nonprofit organization dedicated to raising money and awareness for breast cancer. If you're a bride on a budget, this would be a great way to save money on pricey wedding gowns and give all that money to a good cause.

The wedding gowns sold at Brides Against Breast Cancer directly fund services to cancer patients and loved ones at no charge. BABC reaches out to other local cancer support organizations to share revenues and spread the word. Bridal shops, designers and women donate new and gently worn gowns to help support the cause.

This program sells new and used wedding gowns from prices ranging from $75 to $3,500 and up. Seventy-one cents from every dollar raised is donated to various programs and charities dedicated to fighting cancer. Gowns are available in sizes ranging from 0 to 28 and accessories include tiaras and short veils. In addition, there are also gowns available for bridesmaids and the mother of the bride. This organization offers a thoughtful and affordable way to plan your special day.

Brides Against Breast Cancer is currently in need of contemporary gowns, slips and veils. When gowns arrive, they are prepared for their upcoming “Brides Against Breast Cancer TM, Nationwide Tour of Gowns” sales. Due to the extensive collection of vintage and antique bridal gowns, the organization asks that donators wait until there is room to accommodate more dresses.

The Center for Building Hope is a nonprofit organization that assists survivors and loved ones by providing educational and psychological services free of charge. Programs include: programs for children, individual counseling, workshops, exercise programs, couples and cancer discussion groups and more. Center for Building Hope believes that psychosocial care is vital to a patient's recovery. Common outcomes after joining this organization for patients include: Increased quality of life, decreased psychological stress and a positive attitude toward illness and treatment.

June 7 – 8, 2013 – Des Moines, Iowa
June 8 – 9, 2013 – Providence/Warwick, Rhode Island
June 15 – 16, 2013 – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
June 15 – 16, 2013 – Green Bay, Wisconsin
June 22 – 23, 2013 – Chicago, Illinois Area?— Pretty in Pink
June 22 – 23, 2013 – Wichita, Kansas
June 28 – 29, 2013 – Miami, Florida
June 28 – 29, 2013 – Nashville, Tennessee
July 5th – 6, 2013 – Louisville, Kentucky area
July 12 – 13, 2013 – Virginia Beach, Virginia
July 13 – 14, 2013 – Sarasota, Florida
July 13 – 14, 2013 – Lake Las Vegas, Nevada area
July 13 – 14, 2013 – Central Pennsylvania – Hershey, Pennsylvania area
July 19 – 20, 2013 – Tallahassee, Florida
July 19 – 20, 2013 – Dayton, Ohio
July 26 – 27, 2013 – Sacramento area – McClellan, California
July 27 – 28, 2013 – San Francisco area – Emeryville, California
July 27 – 28, 2013 – Jacksonville, Florida
Aug. 17 – 18, 2013 – Portland, Oregon
Aug. 17 – 18, 2013 – Los Angeles Area?— Whittier, California
Aug. 23 – 24, 2013 – Tampa, Florida
Sept. 6 – 7, 2013 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Sept. 6 – 7, 2013 – Cincinnati, Ohio
Sept. 13 – 14, 2013 – Washington, D.C.
Sept. 28 – 29, 2013 – Denver, Colorado
Oct. 12, 2013 – Meridian, Mississippi
Oct. 12 – 13, 2013 – Atlanta, Georgia
Oct. 12 – 13, 2013 – Cambridge, Massachusetts
Oct. 18 – 19, 2013 – Shelby, North Carolina
Oct. 26 – 27, 2013 – Baltimore, Maryland

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