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2013年8月13日 星期二

Confession: I had to get to know my one-night stand

Acquaintances to friends to true loveMeredith and Spencer

Meredith became pregnant after a St. Patrick's Day celebration but wasn't interested, at first, in a relationship with her baby's father. As her pregnancy progressed, she wanted to learn more about him so they could become friends and successfully co-parent, but they wound up in love instead.

Meredith and Spencer found themselves at the right place at the right time?— only they didn't know it right away. A fun celebration resulted in a pregnancy, and their determination to become friends and be good co-parents led to a beautiful love story instead.

Meredith was born and raised in the Toronto, Ontario, area in Canada, but relocated to Honolulu, Hawaii, in 2004 to study zoology at the University of Hawaii. She describes her life before she met Spencer as “basically a disaster.” Devastation set in after an engagement was broken off and she dropped out of college. She took a job doing manual labor installing hardwood floors and spent her time off partying. “My professional and personal lives were very interconnected because my co-worker and boss lived below me, so we'd install floors all day, then hang out all night, drinking until 2 then getting up at 6 and doing it all over again,” she shared. “It was crazy. I drank and dated too much. It was a time of excess.”

She first met Spencer over a friend's class project?— building an imu (a Hawaiian oven built into the ground). “Spencer was there and I recall that he was very, very cute and that he kept looking at me in a way that gave me butterflies,” she fondly remembered. “I was in a relationship at the time so I didn't give him much thought, though I hoped I'd see him again.”

Fate intervened a year later, after her engagement was broken off. Her neighbors had him over and Meredith decided she'd try to get in touch with him. “He was planning to move to Peru that summer and I was just looking for a fun fling, so it seemed like perfect timing,” she said.

Meredith and Spencer

"I was entirely focused on the baby and wasn't interested in the complexities of a relationship."

On St. Patrick's Day, they were hanging out together in downtown Honolulu drinking and having a wonderful time. “I remember I was wearing mint green skinny jeans and a fedora,” she shared. “Those were crazy days!”

A couple of weeks later, she was feeling a bit off and spent some time Googling the symptoms she was experiencing, and website after website told her that they were pregnancy symptoms. She and Spencer had cooled off by this point and she had actually started seeing someone else, and she was terrified. “I took the test and didn't believe it, so I went back out and bought like five more,” she recalled. “I came home, had a beer and took all of the tests. They were all positive.”

It happened to be April 1, and Spencer didn't initially believe her. “He thought I was joking, but there I was, crying on my bed, surrounded by a million pregnancy tests,” she explained. “He picked them all up and looked at each one. I think he was praying that maybe I had misinterpreted the results.”

Meredith and Spencer

They decided to focus on getting to know each other better, and agreed that getting along so they could co-parent like mature adults was the goal, but romance was definitely off the table. She explained that he had feelings for her, but she didn't return them?— at first. “I was entirely focused on the baby and wasn't interested in the complexities of a relationship,” she said. “The pregnancy definitely left me shell-shocked.”

They began going to prenatal appointments together and also shopped for books and went out to eat a lot. Every day that went by became more comfortable, but romance didn't rear its head until April 29, 2009. Spencer sent Meredith a text message on his way to work to find out how she was feeling. “I told him that I had a huge craving for vegetarian pad Thai and pineapple frozen yogurt, but that I desperately needed a nap,” she said. “I passed out, but when I woke up, there was a message on my phone saying 'check the fridge.' He had run out to get me the pad Thai and frozen yogurt, then dropped it off at my house (without ever waking me up) and had then gone to work.” Touched by his thoughtfulness, she began to think of him in a different, and more romantic, light.

They started over from scratch — dating, holding hands, really getting to know one another. After about a month, he asked her to move in, and after living with Spencer's parents for six months, they moved out and got their own place.

Meredith and Spencer

Meredith took a job at a law firm and had intended to work until she went into labor, but five days before her due date, she was feeling exceptionally miserable and stayed home in bed. When Spencer got home, he tried to cheer her up, and a few minutes later, their Chihuahua, Tim, came in and wanted to visit her on the bed.

“When I picked him up, I noticed a small cloth bag attached to his collar,” she shared. “I opened it up and inside was the most beautiful sapphire solitaire engagement ring! When I looked up, Spencer was there, on one knee, proposing. It started off as such a terrible day, but ended up being one of the happiest of my life.”

Spencer and daughter

Meredith now cannot imagine life without Spencer. She said that nobody thought they'd co-parent effectively, much less fall in love and get married, but they beat the odds. “I'm not sure how I ever looked at him and didn't see that he was my soul mate,” she explained. “We have the same warped sense of humor, he's kind and loving and oh so dreamy... I didn't get it right at the beginning, but thank heavens I figured it out before too long.”

They still live in Hawaii and have recently completed their family of four with another baby?— so their first child, a girl they called Nayeli, is now a big sister to a boy named Kai. Meredith continues to be amazed at their lives and the turn of events that turned a casual relationship into one of love and marriage. “It's crazy that we started a family as near-strangers and fell in love basically over prenatal appointments and bonding over my bizarre cravings, but that's how it turned out,” she said.

Their happiness continues and they count their blessings every step of the way. “Spencer and I are still best friends, still grab each other's butts every chance we get and still laugh over our rough beginning,” she happily shared. “We have it so, so good.”

Real love story: Love blossomed from chance meeting
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2013年7月11日 星期四

Renaming one-night stands: Adult sleepovers

Couple having sex

You know how one minute you're in a happy and fulfilling marriage and the next you find out that your husband of 20 years has been cheating on you with someone 10 years younger? Well, I do.

I went from country club wife and mother of high school students to a single, 39-year-old “cougar.” In this weekly feature, I will share with you all the mind-boggling, head-scratching, is-this-someone's-idea-of-a-joke moments from my so-called single life. Consider this your private invitation to my tremendous learning curve…

Uh! Damn the single life!

Let me share with you what my new life as a “cougar” is missing, besides a husband. Accountability! I operate much better in the confines of a committed relationship, and one of the biggest reasons is the accountability of having to look another person in the face and be honest. I've never been a good liar, and I don't admire people who are skilled at that. So even though when I was married I got hit on, and like most women I formed my little crushes, I never strayed. In the 20 plus years I was married, I never so much as kissed another man. I couldn't imagine a more hurtful thing to do to someone else (my ex-husband was not plagued by such beliefs).

I no longer have someone I have to face if I screw up, and my kids are adults, so we're just on the “courtesy text” program?— if one of us is going to be gone for the night, we text the others so no one worries.

With no one to answer to, I flounder. I embrace being single?— I really do love it. I love eating what I want for dinner and when I want to eat it. I love watching what I want to watch on TV. I love that I come and go as I please, and I don't have to check in to see if anyone needs me to do any bi*** chores for them. After two decades of considering other people's schedules and feelings, this is the upside to a lack of accountability.

I'm not kidding. I've also come to the hard realization that if evil exists in this world, it is routed in loneliness. I'll be cruising along for a couple of months in my, “I'll be where I'm at” frame of mind and boom! Out of nowhere I'll feel lonely. Loneliness is followed by self-pity, which is typically followed by poor decisions.

So yeah, answering to no one is all well and good until you desperately need to answer to someone to keep you out of trouble. Regular readers of mine know that last week I dodged a bullet with a fine, young 31-year-old ("Zach") and was so proud of myself for not sleeping with him.

“Round 2 of resisting Zach” didn't go so well. We had another fun-filled night, and he showed me to my upstairs room, like I had requested. Then that sneaky little bastard asked if I wanted to get in the hot tub. I knew crawling into the upstairs bed, when his was downstairs, would be the wiser choice. I knew if I got in the hot tub, it would be game on.

I woke up the next morning and retrieved my swimsuit out of the hot tub, so I'll leave it to you to do the math. While I'm not proud of what transpired, I'm no longer going to beat myself up about it. I didn't ask to be in my early 40s and single?— that was my ex's choice. I'm doing what I can. I don't stumble often, but as a human, I get lonely and need to get laid once in a while. Is that honest enough for you?

To make myself feel better though, I am renaming one-night stands "adult sleepovers," because that is exactly what Zach and I did. We had a slumber party like when we were kids and just threw in some sex. It happens.

The time I mixed booze, Facebook and my love life
My single most vengeful act against my ex
Goody, just what I need?— more dating advice


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2013年6月3日 星期一

5 Things You Need To Know Before A One-Night Stand

One-Night Stand Rules Getty Images

So you'll probably never see her again and you definitely don't care about being a "nice guy." In fact, you probably want to be a bit dickish so that she takes the hint that all you want is a one-night stand and nothing more.

But you know what? Being a nice guy doesn’t mean you’re leading anyone on. Think of it this way: If you're cool and respectful, she'll be more likely to see it as a positive experience. And then there'll only be more girls willing to approach a one-nighter as an equal-opportunity experience.

Our video was inspired by this Reddit thread.


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