Reader stories: Why I chose to forgive my husband

Forgiveness is hard, but it's possible. Here, women share the positive side of forgiveness and reveal why they chose to forgive their husbands.

Deb and her husband have been married for 25 years. She's dealt with everything from domestic violence to cheating, but has chosen to forgive her husband and even speaks about her story in hopes of helping others. She forgave him in order to release him from holding the power and realized it was a crucial step in helping her heal. They separated twice and have gone through marriage counseling. In the end, she believes it has made their marriage stronger and they now tackle their issues together.

?“Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. It does not excuse them for what they did to you, but why carry that around with you for life? Release it and let it go.”

Maureen's husband did what all of us women fear — he had an affair with a coworker. Though she never thought she'd be able to forgive infidelity, she did for a few reasons. First, he told her about it instead of waiting until he got caught. Secondly, he disclosed everything she wanted to know without hesitation. And finally, she knows if the situation were reversed, she would have wanted to be forgiven, too. Five years later, her husband is still in therapy and their marriage has improved immensely. Their communication, something they struggled with before, is now much more clear and satisfying.

“Everyone makes mistakes. I decided to give him some time to get his act together. He did, and I'm proud of him. If I didn't forgive him, none of the last five years would have happened.”

"Some days you will feel more forgiving than others, and that's OK."

Kimberly Friedmutter, life management expert, states that “women who stay with their husbands must be prepared to experience both varying degrees in forgiveness and differences in their relationship. Some days you will feel more forgiving than others, and that's OK. Triggers can set you off into panic or fear of repeat behaviors. You may feel more insecure at times. Also, be aware that your ‘new normal' in the relationship has changed. The most successful marriages utilizing forgiveness know a new relationship must evolve from this hardship.”

Remember that the past is the past. He can't make up for it now, and by staying angry, you're only hurting yourself and your marriage. If you decide to forgive, try to fully let go and move on. Focus on rebuilding your relationship and gaining back the trust. Focus on what your husband does right, not everything he's done wrong in the past.

Live in the present. Our past shapes us, so learning to live in the present is one of the most challenging things we'll ever do. If you choose to forgive, though, it's necessary. Being stuck in the past is only preventing you from growing and preventing your relationship from flourishing. Make a conscious decision every morning to focus on today — not what happened months or years ago.

Have you learned how to forgive your husband? Tell us in the comment section below.

7 Simple steps to forgive others and yourself
How to forgive and move forward after an affair
When you can't forgive and forget

View the original article here

Reader stories: My summer fling

Summer flings are all about falling in love quickly?— and for a few lucky ones, that head-over-heels love lasts and turns into something more. Let's hear what real women have to say about summer flings!

Why is it that summer flings seem so glorious and romantic? Maybe it's the fantasy of being swept off our feet by an Italian hunk that picks us up on his motorcycle and leaves us with one long-stem rose. Or maybe it's the idea of simply falling in love, having picnics in the park and walking hand-in-hand at sunset. Either way, summer flings are fun, spontaneous and all-consuming. Real women share details of their summer fling and whether or not it lasted, plus we share some tips on what can make them last!

“I had just ended an eight year relationship when I met Stefano, a gorgeous visitor from Italy who looked like what I assumed Edmond Dantes looked like from The Count of Monte Cristo. For three weeks, we zipped around New York, kissing in little bistros and walking through parks. We had espresso in SoHo, wine in the village and both cried by the A train as we said goodbye before he went to catch his flight. He called me before take-off and wrote me as soon as he landed. He attempted to keep it going, but he was a gorgeous playboy and I was heartbroken and madly in love with someone I knew I could not be with, my ex. Stefano and I remain friends and I am so happy to have met him, but I wouldn't date him for any amount of money — heartbreak city!”

Be realistic. If your summer fling happens to be the world's most eligible bachelor, like Brenda's, view the relationship as something short and sweet. Spending all your time and energy trying to get a ladies' man to commit is simply asking for heartbreak.

“This was the first summer I had been single in about five years. Though I was more than open to the idea of a summer fling, I wasn't actively seeking one out. One night while out with friends, I met a tall, dark and handsome man that made my heart skip a beat. He was also interested?— and so our summer fling began. I never thought it would turn into something more. In fact, he dated lots of women and I figured there was no way he was looking to be serious, so why try. He ended up pursuing me throughout the summer and into the fall… and winter… and spring… and summer again and now we're happily married. When I'm mad at him, I look back at our first summer together and can't help but smile.”

Let the man pursue you. We love that Elizabeth didn't pour her whole heart into her summer fling and wind up heartbroken. It's the man's job to pursue you?— let him. If he wants it to be something more?— as in Elizabeth's case?— you'll be the first to know.

"I had a summer fling last summer that worked out great for awhile. The guy was successful, handsome, owned his own place and liked me (of course!). He had great qualities and we had fun together...until he wanted to know 'where this was going.' Yikes! I wasn't looking for anything serious. It's called a 'fling' for a reason!"

Know what you want. We love that Madeline wasn't looking for anything more than a casual dating experience and she stayed true to herself. When dating or in a serious relationship, the most important thing you can do is stay true to who you are. You should never feel pressured to change your goals or ambitions strictly to please someone else - especially when it comes to summer flings!

Have you ever experienced a summer fling? Did it last? Share in the comments below!

Summer dating dos and don'ts
Top 4 tips for summer dating success
Make your hot hook up last all summer?— and beyond

View the original article here