How can your credit score affect your dating life?

Obviously most of us don't have our credit scores tattooed on our foreheads, but many people try to cobble together that almighty number with a few strategic questions. So the question stands: Can it affect your dating life?

Depends on whom you are dating, says Ramani Durvasula, a professor at California State University's Los Angeles campus.

A new study by University of Wisconsin researchers shows women with debt are less likely to get married than their debt-free girlfriends. Debt has also caused 15 percent of new college graduates to postpone getting married.

More than ever, credit scores can definitely affect your dating life. In a world where technology has proliferated into our dating lives, people are looking to quickly "screen people" in or out, and a potential mate's financial instability often is a deal breaker. With over 50 percent of marriages currently resulting in divorce, singles don't want to take on someone else's bad financial decisions from the past.

"I think the hardest part of dating is that few want to be that transparent about what they are doing?— it feels sort of vulgar to reject someone because they once didn't pay their bills — but fact is, if it is your reason, then own it," Durvasula says. For some people who care about owning a home and having financial health and sharing this with a partner?— bad credit in a partner could create a lot of tension?— and you are kidding yourself if you think it will just "go away." Like most faults we bring into a relationship?— in the light of "new love" or some such nonsense?— the other person may feel like they can ignore it, but I will guarantee you that over time they will hit you over the head with that credit score.

"You need to know what you are getting yourself into before things get serious."

"Bottom line: People want to know the other person's financial situation," says millionaire matchmaker Susan Trombetti, CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. "They don't want to pay more for a mortgage, of course, but more importantly, they don't want to bail someone out financially." Aside from the typical loss of job problems, which affects your credit score and a lot of people these days, there is a lot more a credit score can reveal which is more noteworthy to a relationship. For example, current economy problems aside, poor scores can indicate a much deeper problem that has a bigger impact on a relationship than a mortgage.

Once we are adults, most of us pay our bills, but Susan says there are certain red flags that a low credit score could point to, which would also make that person a relationship don't, such as:

Mental illness sends them on numerous manic shopping sprees, which have an impact on their credit score.They have a gambling problem, which affects how they pay their bills.They don't pay child support, which is a major no-no for someone you are considering having a child with if they can't put their other children first.They are addicted to the Home Shopping Network, which tells you they have an addiction.They have low self-esteem and they shop until they drop with retail therapy instead of the usual therapy.They can't keep a job because they are difficult to get along with.

And anyway, over time, these habits could hurt you as a couple. "In a serious relationship, the topic of a long-term investment like a car or mortgage will come up eventually," says Howard Dvorkin, a CPA and founder of Consolidated Credit. He is also the author of Credit Hell: How to Dig Out of Debt.

"If one person is unable to open a credit or mortgage because of a low credit score, it can cause tension to build up. A delinquent account will show up on a credit score for seven years, so if a couple plans to have a future together, the credit worthiness of each respective partner can be an issue. Ideally, each partner would want their significant other to have the same financial responsibility as they do; if not, one partner will be too reliant on the other, and vice versa," says Dvorkin.

"You need to know what you are getting yourself into before things get serious. If you don't, you are putting yourself and your relationship at risk when that person may not get a job," says Denise Winston, financial expert and author of Money Starts Here! Your Practical Guide to Survive and Thrive in Any Economy. "You may end up losing respect for someone and becoming resentful over time. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce and stress. You get to make the decision upfront and know what you are getting yourself into… you want to know in advance."

Rochelle Peachey, a dating/relationship expert and founder of transatlantic dating site I Love Your Accent, says that as a British woman living in the U.S. and with her site involving U.K./U.S. members, she has heard horror stories from British men who felt as though they were on an interview when dating NYC and DC women.

"In the U.K., you can fake it until you make it or keep it under wraps if you have fallen on hard times and have a few late payments and a dipping credit score. Also, personal details are not so easily accessible. Here in the USA, we can go online and discover all the mad, bad and sad incidents that a potential date may have incurred. Of course it's understandable not to want to date a guy who cannot pay his bills or pick up the tab occasionally, but to judge a potential suitor by his credit score is not always good," says Peachey.

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Single Muslim women on dating: 'I don't want to be a submissive wife'

MuslimandSingle.com … one of many sites catering for young Muslims looking for a partner. Photograph: Guardian

Muslim dating has come of age with its own Carrie Bradshaw-style chick lit. No Sex In the City by Australian author Randa Abdel-Fattah features Esma, "a modern Muslim woman with an age-old dilemma". She is one of four big-city friends seeking Mr Right but with no sex before marriage and no alcohol. As in Britain, Esma finds herself part of a growing demographic: educated, independent career women, who struggle to find a partner, especially over 30.

British Asians have long been early adopters of the technology to find marriage partners. Even the old aunty network of helpful family matriarchs has gone high tech, I'm told, with handwritten notes replaced, with Excel spreadsheets of available "boys" and "girls" aged 20 to 55. Though originally Hindu-focused, the biggest marriage websites, such Shaadi.com, have separate Muslim sections. MuslimandSingle.com has a quick checklist on religiosity: Do you conduct salah (the five-times-a-day prayer ritual)? How often? Eat halal?

One thirtysomething City professional, Asma, has spent a decade looking, with mixed results. "If you're devout and fatalistic, it must be easier in some ways. Because there's this weird scale of 'how religious are you?' How do you define that?" As with Bradshaw, Asma has exchanged plenty of dating horror stories with her friends: "There was the man we called 'genetic diseases' because he asked me if I had any on our very first phone conversation."

There was the Muslim dating event at Excel where, seated in a circle, they went round introducing themselves: "We get to one guy who's bearded and mid-30s. He says: 'Hi, My name's Hassan and I'm here because I'd like to find a second wife.'" No he wasn't divorced or widowed. "It got to my friend who said: 'I'm a civil servant and I'm certainly not here to be anyone's second wife.'"

It seems there are reformations and counter-reformations under way in modern Muslim dating: Some websites encourage modern women to embrace the concept of the "submissive" first (or second) wife. Other couples though are quietly using the nikah (Islamic wedding contract) to try out cohabitation before the finality of a civil marriage. Some forward-looking imams want doctrine updated to allow Muslim women to marry non-Muslims, just as Muslim men can.

Asma is struck by "the huge numbers of confident college girls wearing wild and elaborate hijabs, loads of makeup and kissing their boyfriends in public". Many women develop an assertive Muslim identity at university. Some may seem conservative, from their dress and religious practice, but met and chose their own husbands on demonstrations or political events. They haveve married men from different ethnicities, challenging their parents' racism and obsession with family background. After all, in Islam, all are equal. It's a fascinating new combination of values from faith and the secular society in which they grew up.

"I first properly met my partner at a charity fundraiser for Palestine," says Farrah, a 30-year-old journalist in London. "Some may consider me to be in a mixed relationship as my partner is Shia and I am Sunni." Ana is 33. She did at first date non-Muslims, but "it felt too alien being with someone for whom drinking is an integral part of their culture or who didn't understand family ties … I'm not massively practising as a Muslim but it helped me to see that there are some things that I don't want to compromise on."

All three women I spoke to say the biggest challenge has been to find a man on the same Islamic wavelength; not looking for a "submissive" wife nor so "liberal" that they're drinking and sleeping around. It's a bigger problem with men, believes Asma: "They tend to go more nuts at uni … and then come out and become pious and want a good wife to pray five times a day with. Girls tend to find a middle path about their identity."

Names have been changed

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Find Dates Using Free Dating Websites For Canada

Online dating is not just fun but is equally interesting enough for anyone. If you are looking for Seeing someone from US and Canada, there are a number of free dating websites for Canada that can help you. At the first place, you might think you would you need a Socializing site for finding love. Most of us keep really busy these days, and if you want to find someone from a particular region or country, you have to resort to online Seeing as this is the simplest way to meet people from around the world.

Thanks to the largest online dating sites, today you can find a date in minutes. What still needs attention is the choice of the website, which when right can multiply your options and chances. Look for a free dating site in Canada that has oceans of people and profiles with them, so that you can check multiple names and choose a few among many. If you are starting out on Socializing sites for the first time, take a look at some tips that will help you in getting started.

Profile Yourself in a dating site: This is the most important part of online dating. You need to make sure that you have completed your Seeing profile up to 100%. This includes completing all the information that has been asked along with updates of recent pictures. Keep in mind that pictures are the first thing that people check on profiles, so it is essential that you put our recent images clicked with a professional/ decent camera. Depending how private person you are, you need to share things about yourself. The best thing to do in this regard is to mention things that might interest others, rather than revealing too many personal details.Be regular: Even if, you are on the best dating site in USA & Canada, it is of no use, unless and until you are regular. Dating portals are flooded with people who are looking for others who can be online and share time with each other. As such, you have to make time to be online on these sites, so that you have regular contact with your prospective dates. In case you are Seeing two or more people online, it is even more important to be regular. Meeting new people is just one part of the Socializing process, but being in touch is what can take the relation forward.Know the limits: Online dating free sites may be interesting, but let's not forget there are some inherent risks of online Socializing that need to be checked. Unless you know where to draw the line, online meeting with people can be risky. Make sure that you are keeping certain private things truly private, such as your personal details, bank details and other information that may be misused.

Also, take your time before you choose to meet someone in person, and when you like someone seriously, only choose public places for your first meeting.

http://www.oceansofpeople.com/ is a free online dating website which had been created with you in your mind. Whether or not you are interested in acquiring friends, or interacting with your mate, this can be a fantastic way to make new friends. Rate this Article

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If meeting a wealthy and successful man is proving difficult, perhaps you aren't looking in the right places. Do some research on your city. Try to find upscale restaurants and bars--places where the wealthy socialize. Many cigar bars are popular spots for wealthy men to mingle.

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The stigma attached to online dating may, in some ways, be unwarranted. Telling the tale of their meeting, a couple may be eager to leave out phrases like "Well Bob, I was scouring free online dating sites and there she was under 'Avid collector of cookie jars' - it was fate!"

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Be Aware of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Traits When Dating

When dating, especially if you have ever had a history of being narcissistically abused, it is very important to be aware of narcissistic tendencies.

Beware of anyone who 'love bombs'. 'Love bombers' have the narcissistic tendencies of expressing copious amounts of compliments, attention and using excessive bonding techniques on a new potential love partner.

Narcissistic individuals need narcissisticsupply frenetically if low on sources, or if discarding former sources, and needto secure new narcissistic supplyas soon possible. It is also very common for narcissistic individuals to quickly enmesh with a new love partner as the motive of inflicting revenge and payback on a former one.

When you are being 'love bombed' the narcissistic personality narcissist will want to know all there is to know about you. This may seem flattering and as if it is 'genuine interest'. The narcissistic individual is simply finding out all there is to know as valuable information as to how to hook you, mine from you, and further down the track - when the evitable devalue and discard occurs after the initial idealisation - maim you.

The narcissistic personality will discover what you like, how to appeal to you, what flattery will work and how to win your confidence very quickly. The narcissistictendency is to present as your 'soul mate' to tell you why he or she feels so connected to you, and why you are so 'special'and so 'different' to all the others. The narcissistic individual knows these tactics work brilliantly - and will make you believe that finally life has provided you with the perfect partner - the one you have always been waiting for.

Once a narcissist enmeshes with you - you will receive lots of attention. This means long poetic text messages, cards and other gifts. Thenarcissistic individual feels 'high' on his or her newly acquired source of narcissistic supply and may initially idealise you to ridiculous extremes.

It is incredibly important to understandthat healthyadults do not date and enmesh quickly the way narcissistic individuals do. Healthy adults take them time to ascertain potential partners, knowing that love relationships are importantdecisions which affect people's lives and hearts. Love addicts, co-dependents and narcissists treat relationships as idealised and immature versions of love.

Other tell-tales signs of narcissistic individuals include grandiose behaviour and claims about achievements and abilities, needing to be the centre of attention, statements of 'having the best', always having done something better, and not being humble about his or her life. Also look out for not wanting to allow you time apart from the relationship to continue your friendships and interests, and the talking about joint plans for the future way too quickly.

The author specializes in, narcissistic tendencies, relationship and offers many valuable tips. But if you want to know more about narcissistic personality then please visit Melanietoniaevans.com

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Online dating: do men get ignored more often than women?

'Hmm … Shall I bother replying to this guy?' Men seem to bear the brunt of the online dater's worst nightmare – 'The Silence'. Photograph: Franck Camhi/Alamy

A couple of weeks ago I went climbing with my friend Dan. I met Dan on an internet date last year; we got chatting because we both know how to keep bees. Up until that point, the youngest male beekeeper I had met was my stepdad, who is in his mid-60s. So to meet a man under 40 that shared this particular common ground was great.

Over breakfast at Trove in Levenshulme, it was evident that we weren't destined to romantically chase each other around an apiary, but we clearly got on as friends. Dan expressed an interest in learning to climb, so we've been sharing our tales of internet dating and bees at Awesome Walls in Stockport once a week ever since.

This particular week Dan had a face on him like he'd been slapped with a wet flannel. After what seemed like another promising date a few days before, he was encountering "The Silence" – that cruel tumbleweed blowing around your inbox; when a reply to your message seems to have got lost in the ether. Because no-one is rude enough to just ignore you, right? Even more so after a few messages or even a date?

A road to nowhere?

After all, you read the profile, checked the pictures, sat down and typed a brilliantly composed message. You referenced something on their profile (not just looking at the pictures), complimented something in one of their pictures (in a carefully fashioned non-pervy way), said something a little cheeky (look, I can do banter!), asked some questions (proving you are genuinely interested), spell-checked twice, checked your yours and you'res – in case the recipient comes out in hives in the face of questionable spelling and grammar. Brilliant … SEND.

The object of your desire logs on (you can see this), they read your message (you can also see this), they look at your profile (and can clearly see from your pictures that you helped build an African village on a gap year, can do dead good yoga on a beach in Goa and that you LOVE LAUGHING). How could they not reply and embark on a series of dates of going out and dancing like no-one is watching or staying in with a bottle of red and a DVD. HOW?!

But nothing, not even an acknowledgement. Just a silent rejection of your efforts.

From the comments that were left under my first article, it's evident that both men and women experience this silence, but from asking around my fellow internet daters and reading through the experiences of others, it seems to be more of a frequent issue for the lads than the lasses. I'm not sure how this translates when it comes to same-sex dating, or if the silence is as much of an issue, but in heterosexual dating, men seem to feel ignored more frequently (excluding those who just send penis shots. You deserve ignoring, you naughty buggers).

It sucks. I've been on the receiving end of it, like many other online daters. However in hindsight, replying to a few messages after being up all night at a Boomtown party in Bristol while typing with my fists and clearly way over the limit to operate a computer, it wasn't my finest messaging moment and I would have ignored me too.

But I guiltily hold my hands up to also not replying from time to time. When I first started online dating I replied to every single person. Before you know it, you are juggling a fair few conversations; some that you know full well are not going to lead to a date. On asking one person I dated how they handled this situation, he simply replied: "I just ignore them."

After experiencing being ignored a couple of times, it kind of felt that this was just the way it was done. An unwritten code of accepted rudeness that you probably wouldn't apply in other aspects of your life – unless you were a bit of a turd.

This is where Dan was at. Post-date the text messages were not being responded to. The tumbleweed was knocking around in his phone inbox, and disappointment had set in.

In a bid to cheer Dan up – and stop him expressing his cynicism via the medium of the increasingly droopy rope he was supposed to be belaying me with. I suggested we both have a change of tack and go speed dating. Then you can't be ignored – everyone is sat there in front of your face, any awkward encounters or rejections last a maximum of three minutes. It's the dating equivalent of ripping off a plaster: when it comes to the shit bits, it's over very quickly. It would be a new experience for both of us. He agreed, so it was booked. We were off to Elite Speed Dating at Manchester's Circle club.

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Crazy seeking crazy: Unstable dating habits

Some girls get their kicks from romantic gestures. Some girls get excitement from a really long conversation. What did I like? A huge fight that resulted in cathartic make up sessions where my significant other professed his undying love for me.

What? I like to feel needed. Oh don't get all Judge Judy on me. At least I'm honest.

Some girls deliberately flirt with men in front of their boyfriends. Others strategically talk about some "random" guy hitting on them. I would rather start a fight to try to get that same attention.

But your average guy wouldn't put up with that psychotic nature.

And that's why I didn't usually date average guys. I dated equally emotionally ruined men. Let's look at the stats: a womanizing doctor with a Messiah complex, a womanizing athlete who had mommy issues and a womanizing artist — no explanation needed. (Oh how sweet, I'm so “pro-women” I like my men that way too. Not.)

The perfect case study embodying this is Rihanna and Chris Brown. No, I don't know them. No, I don't want to. But I'm sure each of them could have found a stable, loving partner that doesn't aggravate them to the point of destruction (and where they post embarrassing rants on social media). I'll even bet they are drawn to each other because of the reactive nature of their dynamic, not because they are meant to be.

“you attract what you put out.?

Sometimes when two unstable people date each other, the rush they get from being together stems from their desire for drama-based affirmation, not love. Yes there is an obvious insecurity there, but real love shouldn't feel like a sinking ship that you're trying to keep afloat. This is not the S.S. Titanic, nor are you Jack and Rose. You remember all those obstacles that couple faced? Or when they finally decided to be together the cataclysmic emotional reaction both they and the audience felt? Yea that feeling can be addictive, which is why crazies seek crazies.

Normal people realize that obstacles are a fact of life, not a tool to feel bonded to each other. Normal relationships go through trials, but don't seek to put each other on trial. I was so confused about this that I thought my behavior was OK. I almost wanted to feel bad so he could make me feel good. But why? Because I subconsciously must have known he wasn't the one for me if I needed to hurt before I could feel good. I'm sure you know plenty of couples that always are in a state of chaos (or perhaps you're in one yourself).

Wake up and speak up! If you need attention, ask for it. Life is way too complicated as it is for you to proactively search out situations to feel needed. There's no reason you need to have an attack plan to recruit attention if you're in a healthy relationship. This isn't a bank heist! And if you're single and you know you tend to suffer from some variation of this, seek out someone that is stable or just different from what you normally go for.

All too often I see girls condescend some guys because they come off “boring.” Sometimes that's the perfect solution to “quirky” (my nice word for insane) traits that make you unstable. Find a partner who accepts you as you are and is able to counter your insecurities with a loving environment. Yea, sorry real life doesn't work like the movies. There is a whole life story contained in an hour and a half segment — be happy your life's not that short.

Ladies, you attract what you put out, so if you also don't work on curbing the crazy, you can't expect anything less than an asylum-style relationship.

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Celebrities and online dating: Who does it, who wants to

Naya Rivera admits she'd be all over online dating... if she wasn't already famous.

The whole online dating scene can be difficult to navigate, but at least one celebrity wishes she could join the ranks of e-daters.

"If I wasn't famous, I'd be on OkCupid," Naya Rivera tells Complex in a new interview. "All my friends are."

Well, probably not. The Glee star is currently dating rapper Big Sean, so he probably wouldn't be cool with some online dating action.

Rivera isn't the only celebrity who has expressed a desire to find love online, though: Halle Berry, Adele and Mila Kunis have all talked publicly about online dating. The only problem? Fame makes it super tricky.

"I am never who I am. I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff," the newly married Berry once said.

"If I didn't do what I do, I would do Internet dating instead of going out to bars. In two seconds I would. It makes so much more sense," Kunis told Glamour in 2012.

Adele might be an engaged mom now, but even she trolled for love online.

"I signed up for eHarmony," the British singer wrote in her 2012 memoir. "I can't put a photo of myself, so I don't get any e-mails!"

That's not to say all celebrities stay away from online dating. Dancing With the Stars judge Carrie Ann Inaba admitted that she met her then-fiance on eHarmony.

"I was dating all these younger guys. I was like, 'Maybe I need to change it up a little,'" Inaba told Access Hollywood of meeting Jesse Sloan. It didn't end up working out.

Let's hope it works out a bit better for Martha Stewart. The 70-year-old arts-and-crafts mogul recently signed up for Match.com.

"I was reminded how central good relationships are to happiness and longevity. Also, I've always been a big believer that technology, if used well, can enhance one's life. So here I am, looking to enhance my dating life," Stewart wrote on her Match.com profile.

She received over 1,000 messages in the days after her profile went live in May.

"There's no question that Martha is one of the most popular members ever to join Match," Match.com CEO Sam Yagan told NBC's Today.

She eventually narrowed her list of suitors down to five.

"There are two that I could have coffee with," she revealed.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during one of those dates!

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Are you dating a Don Draper?

When a fictional character isn't all that fictional

From Draper to dapper, Jon Hamm's character on AMC's Mad Men has turned into a cultural phenomenon. With a Twitter and Tumblr dedicated solely to Mr. Don Francis Draper, it begs the question, "Just who is Don Draper?"

As the character himself tries to figure out that very answer, so does the audience, remaining captivated one hour a week.

A man like Don Draper, who remains elusive and mysterious, can tug at your heart strings in more ways than one.

If you're dating a Don Draper, you probably already know it. But for the pool of women who are on dating sites,?there's only so much you can tell from reading a profile or even the first date. I had a chance to talk to Sarah Goodling, project manager overseeing all profiles for the world's largest dating site,?PlentyOfFish. She's analyzed and seen nearly every personality imaginable. An expert in identifying the Don Drapers, Peter Campbells and Roger Sterlings of the world, she had great insight into the question: "Am I dating a Don Draper?"

"Draper likes a woman who is willing to take care of him and his needs."

When a man is too confident and self-assured, as Draper obviously is, there's no need to sell himself or impress others with a lengthy description. His dating profile will be short, intriguing and leave you wanting more. A man like this lets his sophistication and allure speak for itself. As private as he probably is, it's a surprise that he even created a dating profile to begin with. As you browse through his photos, expect to see him dressed to the nines, sporting a relaxed country club look, while barely smiling into the camera.

So now that you've visually identified your future Draper date, get ready for some fun back and forth messaging. He'll most likely be brief and to the point, remaining fiercely private, careful not to reveal too much about himself too soon. You might feel a little insecure about your lengthy messages receiving only one or two word responses, but fear not... that's just Mr. Modern Day Draper talking. Undoubtedly, your messages will not be answered right away, either. Slow to respond is another Draper characteristic, as this ambitious creature works late and courts several women at a time. Still interested? Don't wait with baited breath for an invitation to go out. This man knows himself and knows exactly what he wants. If he wants to go out on a date with you, he'll tell you when and where to meet him. Oblige accordingly.

With all of this power, mental domination and control, how do you get a Draper to fall in love with you? This advice holds true for any type of man: Do not chase him. Men like a challenge, and a woman who is too available and too needy will turn him off or simply put you in his little black book for a rainy day. He likes an intelligent woman, so let that be known from the get-go. If he knows you're smart enough to see through his polished charms, he may think twice about playing his seducing, bold moves on you. Make sure he knows that you are an intelligent and sophisticated woman that won't accept anything but love and respect.

On the note of respect, another big no-no for any Modern Day Draper is allowing him to smell your fear or insecurity. If he cancels a date at the last minute, so be it. If he doesn't return your message right away, remain calm and collected. Despite his distance, both emotionally and physically, Draper likes a woman who is willing to take care of him and his needs. So, continue to be your sweet self. Make him dinner, give him a massage, have fun under the covers and help him up off the floor after a long night of drinking.

After reading all this, are you wondering why any woman would be attracted to a Don Draper? His unwavering sophistication and confidence alone can win over the hearts of most women. But what makes women crazy for him, is the hope that they will be the one to unlock the key to his mysterious heart. Unfortunately, that will never happen. No matter how hard she tries, how close she thinks she is, Mr. Modern Day Draper's heart remains unattainable.

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Internet dating: how do you decide who pays on a first date?

'Personally I don't like to be paid for on a date; it makes me feel uncomfortable, like you are not parting on even ground.' Photograph: Getty

Ever since I started writing about dating in Manchester, there has been one topic on which everyone I bump into has an opinion or anecdote: the first date.

The general consensus is that this primary stage of courtship holds the potential to be a universally soul-destroying experience – and a far cry from the image of two impossibly attractive people falling in love over champagne and tapas that dating sites would have you believe. It can all too often be a few hours of awkward conversation while staring intently at the emergency exits of a local bar working out your exit strategy.

Vacuum cleaners: not a good first date accessory. (Alamy)

You only have to scroll down the comments section of my first blog to read some absolute belters of first date stories. My favourite was the guy who admitted turning up on a first date brandishing a hoover and a shredder he'd just purchased from Argos, the latter of which his date carried for him to and from the restaurant. There was no follow-up date for the guy, or for his hoover, or his poor, lonely, loveless shredder.

Many of my friends have also come forth with tales of dating woe; these include one friend who ended up in the back of a police car due to his date thinking she was being kidnapped by their taxi driver (she wasn't); or the friend whose date repeatedly stroked a mole on her face and referred to it as her "pet" throughout the whole day.

One of my good friends has just embarked on her maiden voyage of internet dating this month and has managed to rack up quite a repertoire of disappointment in just a few weeks.

Her first ever internet date was rudely interrupted by her immune system, which inconveniently announced she had caught a stomach bug. So rather than concentrating on stimulating conversation, all her efforts were channelled into clinging on to some dignity in her local pub in Marple.

Her second date, who she was really looking forward to meeting, proceeded to repeatedly remind her it was her round as soon as he'd finished his drink, asked her for money to go to the bar and then ended the date by staring deeply into her eyes and announcing their "children would be beautiful". Which, she felt – after knowing someone for a grand total of about four hours and having no money left to start a family due to excessive round buying – was slightly jumping a massive cannon of a gun.

The issue of who pays on a first date is a subject close to the heart of Manchester-based blogger Cubicgarden, who wrote a blog about how my first column had irked him. Which in turn irked me a bit right back. So I got in touch with him to see if we could meet up on a non-date and iron out the irks.

Cubicgarden turned out to be a brilliant chap. He's a human dating Wikipedia, taking great interest in – and blogging about – everything from the technology to the dynamics involved in meeting someone new. His top topic being Who Pays On A First Date? We debated the topic over breakfast at FYG in the Northern Quarter last week. Personally I don't like to be paid for on a date; it makes me feel uncomfortable, like you are not parting on an even ground.

He regaled a tale that qualified my feelings about this further. A lady friend of his on a first date offered to pay her share but graciously accepted being paid for on the insistence of her date. She was then asked to pay back the money by said date when she turned down seeing him again due to there being no spark. Wow.

Over breakfast he also flagged up a couple of dating-themed TV programmes that have popped up recently on Channel 4. Dates, a dramatised series of first-date scenarios, for the first 2 episodes seemed a little far fetched. A bit like the cast of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps had grown up, found themselves in that there London and were being taken advantage of by savvy southerners they had met off the interwebs. But it was still very good TV and worth watching. By episode three the gorgeous Mia had gone on a date with a doctor, managing to convince him to smuggle her into his hospital where she posed as a doctor and wreaked some medical-related datey havoc.

I was about to go on my first date with Mr Facestalk from my last article around the same time. He too is an A&E doctor and so I was expecting great things from this first date. According to Dates, and from memory at least one episode out of every series of Casualty, I was destined to end up in A&E scrubs, pouting while performing a tracheotomy with an empty biro.

The diagnosis of bum scabies is not a first date winner. (Getty)

We met up at Parlour in Chorlton, and immediately my pupils did that dilating thing that subtly gives away your synapses shouting "I fancy your face!!". I already knew his profile pictures were not raging lies due to my outing myself the week earlier for having a good flick through his Facebook pictures, but in the flesh he was even lovelier.

We hit it off immediately, and so without thinking I broke two of my first date rules and went for a quiet walk in secluded woodland, down the side of a deserted river with a man I'd just met off the internet. Luckily, doctors come with a CRB check so I figured this would be OK. Well, to be exact, it was a walk through Chorlton Waterpark over to Jackson's boat pub. He didn't murder me, nor me him. So far so good.

We were getting on brilliantly when the drunkest person in the pub stumbled over. He approached us because I am "a ginger", and so was he. And in his drunken state I appeared to be a big ginger homing beacon attracting him like a pissed moth.

On asking my date what he did for a living and my date replying that he was a doctor, the drunk then stood up, dropped his trousers, bared his backside and presented us with what was "one of the worst cases" of bum scabs my date had ever seen. I thought putting on my anorak on because it was raining had killed the romance a little, however bum scabies pretty much batted the romance out of the beer garden and over to the other side of Sale.

My date then dutifully diagnosed him and advised him to stay off the beer as that was likely to be causing the issue, to which the drunk gracefully told him to fuck off and waddled back over to the other side of the beer garden.

It was time to leave; there had been no biro tracheotomies or flirting with a defibrillator, but this was Chorlton and not telly so we kept it real, went back to his and ate a couple of kebabs in the back of his campervan while listening to some music. (Not a euphemism!).

As for who paid? We split it down the middle.

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Dating questions answered: Should he pay on a first date?

Dating can be a minefield of questions and concerns whether you're on a first date, a third or you haven't even asked him out yet. That's why we're answering some of the most common dating questions with the help of some experts, starting with: Should he pay on a first date? Stay tuned for more questions later this month.

Paying for the date defines the date as an actual date, says April Masini, relationship expert behind the critically acclaimed Ask April advice column and author of four books on dating including Date Out of Your League. “If he pays for the first date, the date is clearly a date and it's not 'hanging out.' This is important so that you both understand that you're dating and not stepping into that swampland better known as the friend zone,” she explains. “When he pays for the date and picks you up, drops you off and does other things associated with dating and not hanging out, there is less confusion in the relationship.”

It happened to her: "I once went out with a guy a few times, to a bar for a few drinks and then to a movie and we each paid our own way. It turned out that this guy wasn't actually interested in me, at least not as more than a friend. Lesson learned. I totally take into consideration whether a guy pays to make sure he's actually into me." Tonya, San Antonia, Texas

When he pays for the first date, that gives you insight into his fiscal self, notes Masini. You get to know what he's like when it comes to spending money. “This is an important part of who he is and a great way to learn about him and to be able to decide if he's someone you want to continue dating,” she explains. “For instance, if he insists on splitting the bill, you can expect more of the same, and less generosity than you might be looking for in a relationship. Or if he's someone who's toting a Groupon and a Living Social coupon and whips them both out at happy hour where your date is virtually free, he may be someone who's always looking to cut corners.”

It happened to her: "My ex-husband was notoriously cheap. We rarely went out for dinner, vacations were unheard of unless you count his parents' condo in Florida. Looking back, he was always tight with money, even on our first few dates where he made me split the bill every time. I should have paid better attention to that fact!" Natasha, San Jose, California

Paying for the first date also shows he's invested in dating and isn't just looking for a good time (or a booty call). After all, dating is expensive. “After a guy adds up the price of dinner, the movie, the grooming expenses, the gas, the car maintenance he has to pay for to make sure he can pick you up?— it's expensive to date,” affirms Masini. “So if a guy is paying for that first date, it means he's invested in the process. He wants to spend the money because he's looking for a real relationship,” she explains. “Someone who's just looking for a good time isn't interested in investing in a first date the same way someone who springs for an impressive concert and Champagne is.”

It happened to her: "I honestly don't mind chipping in for a date. I'm not one of those women who needs car doors opened for her or flowers every other day. But it really does feel like someone cares about the outcome of a date when they pay or at least offer to pay. It's not the be all and end all, but it can speak volumes about how interested someone really is." Bethany, Newark, New Jersey

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Awkward dating situations: Dating a friend's ex

Is it ever cool to date your friend's ex? We say no, but someone might want to tell that to Riley Keough.

Well, this is awkward: Robert Pattinson has been spotted out with a new woman —?and she just so happens to be ex-girlfriend Kristen Stewart's friend.

Pattinson, 27, and actress Riley Keough have been photographed out and about in Los Angeles. Of course, this could just be an innocent friendly outing, but nothing is innocent in Hollywood — and sources confirm that RPatz is dating the Magic Mike star.

"They're inseparable," a source close to the Twilight actor told the U.K. Daily Mail. "Rob loves the fact that Riley is Elvis's granddaughter — that's true Rock'n'Roll royalty in his eyes."

OK, we LOLed at this (probably made-up) quote, but they do have a history together: Keough was Stewart's co-star in The Runaways, and they all formed a friendship.

"Riley was always Kristen's friend dating back from their time filming The Runaways, but recently Rob and Riley have been spending much more time together since meeting through their Dior modeling connection, and Riley has stayed over at Rob's Los Feliz apartment," the source continued to the Mail.

Ouch, though: Stewart and Keough are still pals — they were most recently seen together at the Twilight star's April birthday party. Shouldn't a friend's ex be off-limits?

"It's OK for friends to date other friends' exes after enough time has passed for it to not still be raw and hurtful," says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets.

That's definitely not the case here. The pair only broke up in May — and Dr. Lieberman says it might be a way for RPatz to get back at his ex for cheating last year.

"If Robert is dating Riley, it's because she's made him feel 'safe' with her, in other words, given him to believe that she would never cheat on him," she says. "But, it is also an added plus for Rob that he knows this will get under Kristen's skin. He's still hurt and angry at Kristen for betraying and humiliating him."

These tit-for-tat games never turn out well. Just say "no" to dating your ex's friends!

Is it ever OK to date a friend's ex? Sound off below!

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Dating questions answered: How do I know if he likes me?

Dating can be a minefield of questions and concerns, whether you're on a first date, a third or you haven't even asked him out yet. That's why we're answering some of the most common dating questions with the help of some experts. This week we're talking about how to tell if he's into you.

Even after you've gone on a few dates with someone, it can be tough to tell whether a guy you're seeing is genuinely interested. We asked relationship expert, matchmaker and love architect Kailen Rosenberg for her tips on figuring out if he's truly into you.

If you're dating a guy that only talks about himself and never seems to ask you any questions, he might not be as into you as you hope. “It's a good sign if he asks about you, your day and the things that interest you and are of importance to you,” says Rosenberg.

It happened to her: “I can totally tell if a guy is into me based on how much he actually listens. If I'm telling him about my day and he's texting or not bothering to ask questions, it's probably not going to work.” Amanda, Tallahassee, Florida

Texting is probably the most common form of communication, so of course, any guy you meet will be texting at some point, but he shouldn't be doing it all the time. “Even if he still texts, it will be to show you that he's thinking of you,” says Rosenberg. “He'll call to hear your voice and to ask you out for that next date.”

It happened to her: “I stopped seeing a guy last year because I could never get him on the phone. He would only ever text me, which is OK for making plans and stuff but sometimes you just want to hear someone's voice.” Deena, Salt Lake City, Utah

There's no denying sex is fun and a great part of any relationship, but if all he cares about is sex, he might not be relationship material. What you want to see is someone who's willing to wait, says Rosenberg. “Although he could be dying to get you under the sheets, he's more interested in taking it slow.”

It happened to her: “My husband and I actually didn't sleep together for the whole first month of our relationship. It seems like a long time, but I really feel like we connected on so many other levels before getting physical.” Trish, Portland, Oregon

When it comes to dating, there might be countless rules about when you're supposed to call, but all that just complicates things, says Rosenberg. “When a man is interested, you know. He doesn't wait around to call and he doesn't play games,” she explains. “Bottom line, he can't wait to hear your voice.”

It happened to her: “I hate when guys play games and sit around waiting to call. If you like me, just tell me. Some of my friends think it's weird when a guy they meet calls right away, but why shouldn't he? He's just being upfront, which I think is cool.” Fiona, Buffalo, New York

You can definitely tell if a guy is truly into you when he starts making plans that go beyond, “Hey, want to come over tonight?” “I'm not talking marriage but I am talking weeks out for upcoming concerts, plays, art openings, anything,” says Rosenberg. “He's already thinking into the future.”

It happened to her: “I knew my current boyfriend was going to be more than a quick fling when he surprised me with concert tickets for a show that was three months away!” Kris, San Antonio, Texas

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Dating questions answered: How soon is too soon for sex?

Dating can be a minefield of questions and concerns whether you're on a first date, a third or you haven't even asked him out yet. That's why we're answering some of the most common dating questions with the help of some experts. This week we're talking about sex and how soon is too soon.

“If you have sex before you're ready, you'll ruin the chances of developing the relationship further, and you're setting yourself up for a really awkward morning after,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., (aka "Dr. Romance") psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. She shared a few more reasons to wait for?— rather than rush into?— sex.

When you decide to become intimate with someone is an important choice when it comes to dating. “Having sex too soon clouds your judgment and makes it difficult to make an intelligent choice of partner,” Tessina says. Jumping into bed right away can hinder the possibility of getting to know each other since your focus is now on sex?— not on bonding in other (non-physical) ways. “If and when sex is right, it will happen. It's easy to have a one-night stand, but, if you want a relationship, you need to be more careful.”

It happened to her: “The last relationship I was in got physical really fast. I didn't think much about it or overanalyze it, but to be honest, things never really got off the ground intellectually or emotionally once we'd slept together. I really liked him on a lot of levels, but we never truly clicked if that makes sense.” Christina, Toronto, Canada

Waiting a while (at least several dates) before sleeping with someone gives you a chance to figure out how to be together in a way that works, or what Tessina refers to as forming some of the "infrastructure of a relationship"?— basically an interest in each other that is more than just physical and immediate. “Waiting to have sex gives you a chance to develop the friendship/partner aspect of your relationship,” she explains.

It happened to her: The times where I've waited to have sex have mostly seemed to boost the relationship. Not always, but more often than not, both the sex and the relationship seem stronger when I've taken some time to really get to know the person I'm going to sleep with.” Kirsty, Fort Worth, Texas

Sexual attraction won't go away if you get to know each other and let's face it, if it does, then that connection was pretty insubstantial to begin with. Plus, waiting a few dates can have its perks. “The suspense of abstaining can really up the intensity of sex when it finally does happen,” affirms Tessina. “If you eliminate the mystery too soon, you may also eliminate any future for this relationship.”

It happened to her: “I find that when I sleep with a guy right away, while it seems fun and adventurous, it can actually make sex less awesome in the long run. My current boyfriend and I waited a while to have sex because we were trying the just-friends thing first, and when we finally slept together, it was a lot more electric because of the build-up.” Ally, Chicago, Illinois

If you've been dating for a while, and you've had a chance to bond a little, go for it. “If the interest feels mutual and not one-sided, if you survived a disagreement and worked it out, if you feel mutual respect and caring, then you probably have enough foundation to take the risk of being sexual,” Tessina says.

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Internet dating: does an innocent Facebook check make you a stalker?

'The first man in months I had been truly excited to meet and I’d blown it because technology had allowed me to get my stalk on' Photograph: Robin Beckham / BEEPstock / Alam/Alamy

In my last stint as a single female 13 years ago, I distinctly remember technology playing a fairly minor part in the dating process.

The technology involved was simple: one phone to swap numbers, text, call and play Snake on; one tape-to-tape or CD burner to make meaningful yet vomit-inducing playlists; and lastly, for a very short period of time as a 16 year old college student, we all acquired pagers.

The primary purpose of the pager was so our hormone-driven admirers could call some poor unsuspecting woman in a call centre and relay bilge such as "I think you're well fit. x Simon". Meanwhile your mum was simultaneously relaying a message to another poor woman in the same call centre, yelling "Where are you? If you are with Simon you are in BIG trouble lady."

Back then, if you wanted to stalk someone, you had to get off your backside and physically follow them around. Or just sit on their garden wall for a few hours – as one of my dear school friends did with Richard Madeley for a short while. It took real effort and just wasn't possible at the swipe of a fingertip.

However, the reality of modern dating involves not just the mobile, but mobile apps, dating websites, Facebook, Skype, meaningful yet vomit-inducing Spotify playlists and, with one particular person I met last year, an interesting reliance on Words With Friends to flirt. The ways to communicate, connect and follow what someone is up to are now legion.

Salsa dancing: a source of hot men? Photograph: Esme McAvoy

When I first wrote about my internet dating frustrations, struggling to meet someone I clicked with in Manchester, people began offering up some appreciated alternative solutions to try. There were a lot of people that suggested salsa dancing. Have I missed something here? Has salsa suddenly become the single man vacuum while I was off being married? Sucking them in and snaking them about on the Northern Quarter's Copacabanas dance floor? Unfortunately, lacking any sort of passion for the music, I'd just be a badly dancing salsa fraud attending for no other reason than to perv, and so figured I'd look into some of the other suggestions first.

Another idea (possibly my favourite), was to prowl around my local supermarket, judging a potential partner's shared moral values based on the contents of his shopping trolley. I've always viewed Hulme Asda as a vortex of sexual tension. When the students are around, you can hardly move in there for the pheromones floating down the aisles, as sexy eyes are made over the instant noodles. But to walk up to someone going about their daily life, and strike up a conversation because we both pay that bit more for some fair trade bananas … well, seemed just that: bananas. I just don't have that sort of confidence. Neil Strauss I am not.

So once again I turned back to technology. Someone had flagged up True View, a subscription-free dating app designed to match you to people based on a "true view" of who you are and what you get up to. The concept is a good one: you use a drop-down menu of Facebook-style updates to log things you are doing, and the little True View robots start to match people to you who are logging similar activities. So far, so good.

I set my preferences to men within a hundred-mile radius.

Ahh. Five men. Five whole men who were "eating their dinner", "watching TV" or "going for a jog". Nevertheless I was determined to give it a go. So also started logging when I was "eating my dinner", "being a ninja" (there was no option for climbing) and "working on a proposal". Fantastic, I was to the world of True View a hungry ninja with a desk job.

Even ninja skills didn't seem to be a turn-on.

One of the five men did get in touch. But, by his own admission, this was not because he was intrigued by my ninja skills, or even that he liked my profile picture, but because I was the only woman in a 50-mile radius on the app. He then informed me he likes long walks down the side of quiet canals, which is probably perfectly innocent, but happens to be in my top three things not to do with a man you just met off the internet (along with strolls down dark alleys and jaunts in secluded woodlands). He seems like a perfectly nice person, but other than basic human instincts such as eating, we seem to have very little common ground and the conversation fizzled out.

Overall, True View is an interesting idea, if you live in London you would probably have a far different experience with more people to chat to. But for now, there just aren't enough people on there north of the gap to make it a realistic option.

I turned back to the cynical comfort of my online dating profile, where I could see there was a message in my inbox. It was a lovely message. It was funny, it didn't accuse me of having a penis or contain anything sexually explicit like some I had received in the past. I replied, and over the course of a couple of days we had a bit of banter and found out we shared a similar passion for certain genres of music, sports and pastimes. He signed off one message using his full name.

As fellow internet daters can testify, the person on the end of the keyboard could be a far cry from their pictures or who they claim to be. This is a very obvious pitfall of meeting in this way. So when the opportunity presented itself to increase safety and check he was who he claimed to be, I took it. I typed his name into Facebook and up he popped.

Ooh, we have a mutual friend … Ooh, he has an open profile! As I had a quick look – predominantly to ensure there was no wife – I went back to writing my reply, referencing, to my horror after I pressed send, something I'd seen on his Facebook page.

Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!!!

This is where the cruelty of technology comes into play. With online dating, you can see when someone has logged on, you can see if your message has been read, so you fully know when you are not being responded to. BECAUSE YOU ARE QUITE EVIDENTLY A STALKER!

The next 24 hours were spent cringing, peering through my fingers at my dating profile, while my friend at work repeated in a less than convincing tone: "He might just not notice?!"

But he HAD logged on, and he HAD read the message, and HAD NOT replied. Of course he hadn't replied, because in my attempt to check he wasn't married or bonkers, I'd outed myself for seemingly acting a bit bonkers. The first man in months I had been truly excited to meet and I'd blown it because technology had allowed me to get my stalk on.

I'd had it with technology and dating, I was ready to try Salsa. I logged back onto my profile to cancel the auto renewal, If I was going to make a prat of myself on the dancefloor, I was going to need beer funds.

But to my surprise, my inbox had a message. And it was from him. I cringed, expecting it to be a question on how the hell I would know he had a "lovely looking camper van?!" But it wasn't. It didn't even mention it, there was no reference to my evident Facestalk faux pas. It was a message simply asking me if I'd like to "meet up for a drink … ?"

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