Is marriage officially out of style?

A new report from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University says that fewer of us are walking down the aisle.

It seems like I get a new wedding invitation every time I walk to the mailbox. I mean, come on: How do all of these distant cousins and random friends from high school get my address? I haven't talked to these people in ages.

Maybe I'm just bitter because of my whole "eternally single" status, but it turns out that I'm actually not the only single adult woman left in the world. A new study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University found that the marriage rate is on a serious decline.

"Marriage is no longer compulsory," study researcher Susan Brown said in a statement. "It's just one of an array of options. Increasingly, many couples choose to cohabit and still others prefer to remain single."

According to the report, there are about 31 marriages for every 1,000 unmarried women in the United States. In comparison, that number was 90.2 in 1950. Researchers also found that the average age of first marriage in the U.S. is now almost 27 and that only 47 percent of all women are married, down from 65 percent in 1950.

Not surprisingly, the divorce rate is going up.

"The divorce rate remains high in the U.S., and individuals today are less likely to remarry than they were in the past," Brown said.

About 15 percent of women are separated or divorced, compared with less than 1 percent of women in 1920.

According to NCFMR, only 26 percent of black women are married. Asian women have the highest rate of marriage at 56 percent.

Interestingly, the number of married, college-age women hasn't changed much in the past 50 years. What has changed, however, is the number of married women without a high school diploma. According to NCFMR, 60 percent of women with a bachelor's degree are married, compared with 30 percent of those who never graduated high school.

What did the study not tell us? How many women who have wedding boards on Pinterest are actually planning a wedding. Please tell me I'm not the only single woman who has one of these!

Are you a woman who's planning to stay single? Sound off below on your reasons why!

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Asperger's, agoraphobia and depression are destroying my life and my marriage

'I have tried antidepressants, -psychotherapy and psychiatric hospital admission to no avail.' Photograph: Aldo Murillo/Getty Images

I have Asperger's syndrome and have suffered from agoraphobia and depression for a decade. My family and friends slowly disappeared from the scene nine years ago. I have tried antidepressants, psychotherapy and psychiatric hospital admission to no avail. My partner's life has been blighted by this. He comes home from work to Groundhog Day – dishes unwashed, laundry undone, and me unbathed, unmoved, unbearable. I cannot bear what this is doing to him; he says he cannot bear what it is doing to me. Agoraphobia traps me indoors and precludes the use of public transport, shopping or being in crowds. Depression destroys my ability to use the phone, to talk to or be among others. I am childless and in my 30s. What do I do?

‧ When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

‧ If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

‧ All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don't send attachments).

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Knowing when to see a marriage counselor

Sure, every couple has problems. But when do you bite the bullet and decide it's time to see a marriage counselor? Here, we uncover the answer to this common question plus provide you with the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor even if your marriage isn't in trouble.

We all know that the divorce rate in the U.S. sits right around a whopping 50 percent. Each year, hundreds of thousands of couples seek marital counseling in hopes of not being another divorce statistic. On average, couples are unhappy for years before seeking help, which could be one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. If these couples would have sought counseling sooner, would their marriages have been saved? Let's look at four reasons you may want to consider seeing a marriage counselor?— even if you don't feel your marriage is in trouble.

It's normal for couples to fight — and in fact it's healthier to fight than to not say anything at all. If you're fighting, you're communicating (learn how to fight fair here). Trouble begins when communication ends. When was the last time you and your spouse sat down and really talked? If you can't remember, schedule a date night with your spouse pronto and reconnect. A marriage counselor is great at getting the communication going again, so even if you're not being mean or negative towards each other, counseling may be necessary.

Has your spouse hurt you in some way that's made you re-think your marriage? This can be anything from your spouse having an affair or struggling with an addiction to feeling neglected by your spouse or feeling that you're no longer a priority. Since your spouse has the ability to love you more than anyone else, they also have the ability to hurt you more than anyone else. When this happens, forgiveness is a must. It can be extremely difficult to forgive someone — and this is where seeking the professional help of a marriage counselor comes into play.

Challenge: Go out of your way to be intimate with your spouse tonight. Ideas include going for a walk hand-in-hand, giving an extra-long goodnight kiss or giving your spouse a backrub. As you'll see, it's the little things that make a big difference.

When was the last time you held your spouse's hand, cuddled with them on the couch or had sex? Your spouse is the one person you can develop an intimate relationship with — and this intimacy is what differentiates a marriage from a friendship. It's normal for couples to go through phases without intimacy, especially when kids are small and jobs are demanding, but if lack of intimacy has become the norm for the two of you, it's time to seek a counselor. Marriage counselors can help you put the spark back in your marriage and make you fall in love all over again.

Challenge: Ask your spouse what you can do to help them feel closer to you. Ask them what makes a strong marriage. Listen to your spouse and work at meeting their needs.

Your marriage may be ideal — meaning you communicate regularly, rarely fight and have an active sex life, but you still want more. Your relationship with your spouse is the most sacred relationship you'll ever have, so it's natural to feel like you need a deeper connection with them. Marriage counselors can help get you there. They can challenge you and your spouse in ways you may not be able to think of and bring about conversations you may never have thought to have. Continually forming a close bond with your spouse and growing deeper in love is a surefire way to make sure you don't end up as just another divorce statistic.

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10 Ways to improve your marriage daily

Your marriage is the most important relationship you'll ever have. Interestingly enough, many people choose to put it on the back burner. Learn to improve your bond daily with these not-so-ordinary tips.

Let me ask you a question. Have you noticed that when you're happy in your relationship with your spouse, you tend to be happier with your job, kids, social life and everything else life throws your way? Most likely, your answer is “yes,” and that's because when you start making your marriage a priority, you begin to develop a “we're in this together” attitude and life in general just seems easier. After all, isn't anything easier if you have someone you love and trust to go through it with? Let's take a look at 10 unique ways to improve your marriage daily. We promise it will be more than worth it.

Set your alarm 10 minutes before you need to get up to spend some quality time with your spouse. Have a cup of coffee together, discuss the morning news or simply stay in bed and cuddle. Those precious 10 minutes of alone time in the morning will set the tone for your day. Plus, what's the difference if you get up at 5:45 a.m. or 5:35 a.m. anyways?

You and your husband are probably in the habit of pecking goodbye each morning before work and pecking once again when you see each other in the evening. Tonight, when your husband comes home, surprise him with a long, passionate kiss. It doesn't have to be a full-on make out session?— a simple five extra seconds will work just fine.

Remember back when you were dating and you couldn't keep your hands off each other? Now it seems whenever you run an errand together you're more focused on the errand than each other. Next time you're out together — whether at the grocery store or picking up dry cleaning — hold your spouse's hand. Take a moment to hug each other, even if it's in the middle of the pasta aisle at the store.

Let's face it — by the end of the day, you're exhausted. You've given your all to your kids, your job, your chores and dinner, but what about your husband? Consciously make an effort to give him your “best” each and every day. Of all the people in your life, he deserves it the most.

Taking a shower with your loved one is a great — and quick — way to get some alone time. It doesn't have to lead to sex and it doesn't have to be planned, just hop in! Your husband will love the spontaneity and it's certain to bring you closer on a daily basis.

Reading for just 10 minutes per day with your spouse will increase communication and help you form a deeper bond. We suggest reading a book meant for couples, such as Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages. You can read early in the morning, before bed or out back on the patio — just make sure it happens.

This one seems easy, but when was the last time you actually asked your spouse how their day was or what they'd like to do? Make it a goal to ask your spouse daily how they're doing and if they need anything from you.

Did your spouse have a bad day? Encourage him and show him that you appreciate him and all that he does for you and your family. A little appreciation goes a long way.

Make it a priority to continue having fun with your spouse. Play board games over a bottle of wine, have a movie night with popcorn and root beer floats or drive around neighborhoods searching for your dream home. Keep your relationship fun and light-hearted — it helps you enjoy each other more!

Love is a choice, a decision and a commitment. You're not going to feel head-over-heels in love with your spouse every day, but by telling your spouse you love him daily, you're reminding the both of you that it's a conscious decision that you're choosing to make. Write it on your bathroom mirror, call him, text him or even post it on his Facebook wall — just say it!

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Serial cheating in marriage: How to deal

Should you ever stick by a serial cheater? Anthony Weiner's wife is, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice for you.

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

It certainly seems that way when it comes to New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. A 20-something woman told gossip website The Dirty that the politician carried on a sexting relationship with her last year, starting about six months after he resigned from the U.S. House of Representatives for sending explicit photos to a variety of women.

The problem? He's been married the whole time.

Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, stuck by him after the first scandal?— they even welcomed a child in 2012. Weiner seemed to turn over a new leaf as a family man, but apparently his obsession with selfies of his down-below never stopped.

Abedin is still sticking by him, though.

"We discussed all of this before he decided to run for mayor, so really what I want to say is, I love him, I have forgiven him, I believe in him, and as we have said from the beginning, we are moving forward," Hillary Clinton's former aide said during a press conference earlier this week.

She expanded on her views in an essay for the Harper Bazaar September issue:

So why am I doing this? Because Anthony has always been a smart, caring, and dedicated person, and while he's the same public servant who wants what's best for the people he represents, he is now something else — a better man. New Yorkers will have to decide for themselves whether or not to give him a second chance. I had to make that same decision for myself, for my son, for our family. And I know in my heart that I made the right one.

It seems like Abedin has her own reasons — and her own agenda, if you believe some political watchers — for staying in the relationship, but her willingness to stick by a serial cheater doesn't send a good message to women in similar situations, says psychotherapist and divorce expert Deborah Hecker, Ph.D.

"Serial cheating and a trusting partnership are, by definition, incompatible," Dr. Hecker tells SheKnows. "If a woman is seeking an intimate, monogamous relationship with someone who is unable to make a sexual commitment to her, she is barking up the wrong tree."

Such a betrayal in a relationship breaks trust and causes serious trauma, but Dr. Hecker has a few tips for dealing with the pain.

Confront the pain and take charge of how one wants to handle the situation. "One should not blindly stay with [one's] partner and never address why the betrayal occurred," says Dr. Hecker.Ask yourself: Should I stay or should I go? "This means taking time to explore their options and not act impulsively," she says.Learn from the affair. "This means examining both their role and their partner's role in the relationship," Hecker says.
Rebuild the trust. "The betrayer needs to show, with concrete actions, that their partner is safe with them. In addition, other relationship dynamics must be addressed," she says.

"Sometimes a relationship needs to fall apart to rebuild it in a stronger, more durable way," adds Dr. Hecker. "On another note, one must question why they are attracted to a cheater and why they can't break free."

Dr. Hecker also has a few words of advice for Abedin.

"In order for Huma to make the right decision about staying with her husband or not, she must fully understand the nature of his problems and consider his willingness to seek help," she says. "Once Huma recognizes that he has a treatable psychiatric problem, which may likely involve relapse, she can stand by him most effectively by encouraging his need for medical help."

Should you ever try to make a relationship work after one side cheats? Sound off below!

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Wait, we thought Adam Levine was against marriage?

Remember when Adam Levine said he didn't want to get married? Us, too.

OK, we were a little surprised — and admittedly, a little heartbroken — when Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine announced his engagement to Victoria's Secret model Behati Prinsloo.

Weren't they just broken up a few weeks ago? Yes, but that's not the craziest part of this whole thing. The Voice hottie just told Nylon magazine that he never planned on getting married.

"I'm doing pretty well. If you don't get married, you can't get divorced," Levine told the magazine in April.

He added, "Why couldn't we learn from the devastatingly low percentage of successful marriages that our last generation went through?"

So, what gives? It seems like Levine might have suffered from a very real problem that many children of divorced parents experience: a fear of emotional intimacy.

"Adam's parents divorced when he was a young boy, and this has left scars on him —?a fear of emotional intimacy. He's afraid of falling in love, marrying and ending up getting painfully divorced like his parents," Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, told SheKnows of why Levine flip-flopped on his views of matrimony.

"He doesn't want to get too emotionally intimate with any woman because he's afraid their marriage will end in divorce."

Does that mean any woman can change a man from the non-marrying type to the walk-down-the-aisle type with a little love and prodding? Not necessarily: Some men just don't want marriage at all (exhibit A: George Clooney), while others have feelings from the past that they need to shake before they can make a commitment.

We're hoping that Levine and his Angel love go the distance — even if we do kind of hate her for taking one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors.

Do you think Adam Levine is ready to get married? Sound off below!

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I am worried that cross-dressing will destroy my marriage

I'm a middle-aged, married straight man with no children. From puberty until my mid-20s, I had a strong urge to cross-dress as an intensely private, sexual thing. I never wanted to go out cross-dressed, or had any transgender aspirations. By the time I met my wife, I thought I'd grown out of it, so never told her. But recently I've felt a strong urge to cross-dress again. I want to tell my wife, but I'm terrified of her reaction. I don't expect anything from her – but I'm worried that I could lose my soulmate. Should I dress behind her back?

When you begin to cross-dress again it will be uncomfortable to live with this secrecy, and you might even be discovered. Your unconscious mind may even play tricks so you unintentionally drop clues. Many men in your position discover that their own inner critic is far more shaming and punitive than their spouses would ever be, so consider telling her – ideally with the support of a knowledgeable therapist who could answer her questions and help normalise the common act of cross-dressing. You have a plausible reason for not telling her earlier. However, through ignorance, the most pressing question of spouses is usually: "Does this mean he's gay, or that he's going to turn into a woman?" Once reassured, and with education, understanding, support and validation of her feelings, you should be able to at least negotiate personal time for cross-dressing.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please do not send attachments)

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Bethenny Frankel: Swearing off marriage for good?

Bethenny Frankel learned one thing from her ill-fated marriage to Jason Hoppy: Never get married again.

The Skinnygirl mogul tweeted about her jitters over her new talk show, Bethenny, and somehow it turned into a commentary on marriage.

"I'm not sure what's going on w me hormonally, but if the talk show doesn't work, I can pursue a career as an exotic dancer," she tweeted.

"Or try marriage lmao," a fan tweeted back.

"Hell No!" she replied.

The mom of toddler Bryn isn't the only celeb to swear off marriage for good, though.

"I'm not angry about anything, but I don't think I will," Heidi Klum told Marie Claire earlier this year of marriage after her divorce from Seal.

Scarlett Johannson?— once married to Ryan Reynolds — said the same thing to Elle U.K.

It's really not important to me," she said. "I'm in a nice relationship, I'm working a lot, and, like I said, it's not important to me."

"While going through a bitter divorce, it's normal to tell yourself that you never want to get married again," says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets.

That feeling doesn't always last — especially with someone as young as Frankel.

"Whatever I'm going through now, I'm certain that I'll learn something from it. When the clouds pass, I will figure out what the silver lining was," she told People in May.

Like, maybe a new relationship — and eventually a new marriage? You never know, Bethenny.

Have you sworn off marriage for good? Sound off on your reasons below.

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What You Need To Know About Marriage

Barry, my husband, left our boarding gate to find himself some lunch after waiting for two hours.

Our flight had been delayed and we had been waiting for the flight to be announced. I stayed near the boarding gate for any more flight updates. Our plane rolled into our boarding gate soon after Barry left to get lunch.

I was unworried; there was still plenty of waiting to do. Our plane had to be fueled up and cleaned. Barry was still gone thirty minutes later. Anyone with special needs or small children was asked to start boarding our plane.

I looked at my watch.

Barry was still missing. I moved in my uncomfortable chair. Should I trust that he would be returning?

Fifteen minutes later regular boarding had begun and I was starting to sweat. Something must have gone wrong. Why hadn't he arrived in time?

I picked up our bags and went to go find out what was keeping Barry.

Barry had been waiting for a pizza. Barry's lunch was ordered and he was waiting for his special order.

I informed my husband about our plane finally boarding and that we might have to run to catch it. Our plane was about to leave. I heard the final boarding call. Barry wasn't moving. His lunch was paid for and Barry was going to eat it. I told him I wanted to get home; the flight was leaving. Barry would not leave; his pizza would arrive any second.

I left, racing to catch the plane if I could. Halfway to the gate I stopped. I was breathing hard and I really thought about what I was doing.

Why did I have to make this flight? I didn't have to work the next day. Was I really abandoning my husband in an airport?

I had been married to Barry for 9 months. Did I want to save my marriage? Barry and all of his personality flaws were made obvious before we got married. I knew who Barry was. I could make a detailed list his faults. I think I had a fantasy that all of Barry's negative tendencies and habits would change after our wedding. Crazy, right?

Barry was my husband now. My husband. The gravity of that word sank in. Is being married what I wanted? Was my life still just about what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it? Where did marriage fit into my life? I knew I was correct about catching our flight, but being right didn't seem to measure up in this situation. I couldn't leave Barry in an airport while I went home.

Here is the real rub about marriage that no one tells you while you are trying on wedding gowns. Barry could make a detailed list of my faults as well. If I wanted my husband to stand by me, then I had to stand by him. So, it came down to the promises I had made to Barry when we got married. I had given my word to stand by my husband, and it was that simple.

I found Barry sitting at a plastic orange table eating his lunch when our flight took off. We all have own own moments of truth and that event happened 10 years ago for me. We did not live happily ever after, but there have been very happy times with some bad times, all to be expected. Any relationship requires work.

In a country where the divorce rate is 50% it is easy to throw up your hands and walk away from a marriage. No one would blink an eye at another divorce. The looming chance of divorce had darken my door. Last year Barry and I went through one of our roughest patches.

I kept trying to put the matter off, thinking time would solve the issues, maybe if I just rode out the storm sunshine would appear ahead. I kept hoping that ignoring the problems might make them go away. Finally, Barry confronted me with news that he wanted a divorce.

All of a sudden I felt everything at once. I was furious, I was crying and I felt a surge of love for Barry. My heart had one prayer, to save my marriage. How was I going to do this? I started working my myself, my own perceptions and my reactions. Barry noticed my changes and softened in his approach. One thing lead to another and our marriage is stronger than ever.

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Marriage Relationship Counseling For Couples - Getting Anxiety Counseling

Today there are many different types of stress that an individual might experience. Anxiety counseling is one type of therapy that one might seek if they are struggling with this problem. Additionally marriage relationship counseling can help a couple work out the problems that they might have.

Many different things can lead to serious problems with any relationship today. Financial strain and work stress can lead to arguing that creates even more stress. Additionally other problems such as infidelity or other types of addictions can also result in problems within the relationship.

When you are looking for a way to resolve the problems you are experiencing, you can turn to various forms of therapy to help you. Determining the right counselor will be important as each one offers you a different approach to resolving the issues. Because there are a number of things that you can do to solve problems today, you might find that specific methods work best for you.

In some situations, you might be seeking the help of a therapist to work through issues of extreme stress in your relationship that was caused by another person outside the relationship. There are a number of reasons that a relationship might experience stress. However, problems such as infidelity and other types of addictions can quickly result in a relationship ending if it is not addressed properly.

Determining the source of the issues will be the first step for any type of counseling whether it be for a couple or for an individual. In some cases, individual counseling may also require bringing in the rest of the family to help. When any one person is experiencing a problem, others around them are affected as well.

Marriage relationship counseling for couples will help a couple to restore their relationship or make the decision that the issues cannot be resolved. When you are willing to try to work through the problems, getting counseling will help by having a third party basically mediate the discussions and negotiations that need to take place. For any issues to be resolved, both parties need to be able to make changes to their behaviors and work with the other person.

Anxiety counseling is done in a number of different ways. The strength of the anxiousness that the person feels will first need to be determined as well as if it is a general anxiety or only toward specific situations. Medication may also be prescribed to help work through the issues by helping the person be more relaxed.

About Us: Deciding to seek counseling to help you work through problems can be very helpful. Visit http://www.renewyourpassion.com/ to learn more about the therapy choices available to help you get the help you need. Christopher Diggins, MA, LMHC 1424 NE 155th St #206, Shoreline Langley/Island County, WA, United States, 98260 Contact No. 206-930-7780

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