Have I fractured my husband's penis by sitting on it?

Peyronie's disease can have a devastating effect on couples. Photograph: Fuse/Getty Images/Fuse

My husband has been diagnosed with Peyronie's disease. Searching online I learned the alarming symptoms – an increasingly curved penis, possibly requiring surgery. After 14 years of great lovemaking, an erection causes him immense pain and has terminated our sex life. His doctor told him to stop attempting sex while he massages in prescribed cream, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm frustrated and worried. The doctor even implied it might have been my fault – possibly fracturing my husband's penis by sitting on it too roughly. What can we do?

Unfortunately, the treatment of Peyronie's disease can be long-term, with a fairly slow recovery. Support your husband throughout. Try to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude, and encourage him to follow his doctor's orders to correct the buildup of plaque and/or scar tissue in a penile artery that's causing erectile pain. Penises do sometimes get damaged when an unwitting, on-top partner hasn't realised the other's erection has been partially lost, but try not to blame yourself – there are other possible ways this condition might have developed. For now, it's important to maintain your intimate connection in non-sexual ways. Partners tend to withdraw physically, because they're afraid to do anything that might arouse their men and cause further pain. Try another activity which provides the opportunity to be close, intimate and romantic.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please do not send attachments)

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How Can I Spy On My Husband's Text Messages?

Are you asking yourself how can I spy on my husband's text messages? First this can be done and we will talk about 3 different ways to do so but first why do you want to read his text messages?

One of the biggest reasons for wanting to read somebody else's texts would be dishonesty or that someone is hiding something. Is your husband hiding something from you? Have you maybe seen some signs of that, that he is not telling you the truth? It can be that he all of a sudden is watching his phone like a hawk or that he is behaving differently than what he used to. It might even be a gut feeling that he is up to something...

3 Different Ways to Spy on Your Husband's Text Messages

Phone Bill Specification

Are you on the same phone plan? If you are you can ask for a specification of the bill, this will show you the numbers that has been called or texted. It will not show you the actual message but you can see if there is a number showing up over and over again.

If there is plug the number in to a phone reverse lookup and it will show you whom the number belongs to. Will not get you the exact message but you will know whom he is communicating with.

Install a Spyware Program

If you want the text message, word by word, you can install a spyware program on his phone. This spyware will allow you to access the messages and other data from the phone by logging into your own online account. Yes, you install the spyware on his phone then you set up an online account for yourself to access the information.

This will allow you to see text messages, even though they get deleted, picuteres send and recieved, call log, GPS location and much more.

Just getting a peek of the messages when he is not around is hard, this spyware will make things a lot easier for you.

Access the Texts on Another Device

Today we don't only read texts on our phones we often access our messages on iPads and other devices. Does your husband read his messages on an iPad through programs like MySMS? If he does he might not be as protective of them and you can check them out when you get a chans.

Hope this helped you with your question, how can I spy on my huband's text messages.

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Read Deleted Text Messages on Husband's Phone

Is your husband deleting his text messages, which lead to you wanting to read deleted text messages on husband's phone?

Is this something he started recently, deleting his text messages? If it is then there might be some reasons for you wanting to investigate this further.

I am sure all you want to do is find out the truth. Why is he deleting them and what does the deleted messages say and maybe most importantly who are they from.

Now let me ask you this, how do you know he is deleting the messages? Do you have access to his phone and check on it on a regular basis or do you get a specified phone bill?

There are a few ways to find out what is going on, a few ways to read deleted texts.

What to do if you have a phone number he is communicating withWhat to do if you have no idea whom he is texting with

What to do if you have a phone number he is communicating with

Now somehow you figured out that he is deleting text messages, did you find out the phone number he is communicating with as well? If you did then it is easy to find out whom he is communicating with. This will not show you the word by word message but it will give you the name of the person he is texting with.

What you need is a phone lookup service. All you have to do is type in the number and the data base will give you an answer if they have the additional information that you are looking for. For a small fee you can then access the data. It will give you a name, address and other useful data.

What to do if you have no idea whom he is texting with

If you have no idea whom he is texting with you can install an app on his phone. This app will record the following;

Send and received text messagesSend and received picturesWebsites visitedSocial MediaGPS location

You can access all the data from your own online account. I bet being able to read the text messages word by word will tell you the truth. Is he really up to something he should not be or he is just deleting them because of memory space?

I bet that app will help you read deleted text messages on husband's phone.

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A letter to … My husband's former mistress

I still think of you from time to time. Probably, if I'm honest, more than is good for me. I need to move on. I have composed this letter many times in my head. If I finally send it, maybe I can let go. If I?am honest, the main reason I still think about all of this is because I?have never really confided in anyone. I?am anxious about people judging me?or him, or letting something slip in front of the children (who would be?angry, upset and very judgmental).

I feel I know you quite well, although we have never met. My knowledge of you comes from a variety of sources: the texts that ripped into my complacency, emails I have read (I became quite the Miss Marple), letters from your very angry daughter and, of course, from long (sometimes painful) discussions with your ex, who I am absolutely sure you assumed would soon be my ex.

I am, of course, aware that these snippets do not truly represent your essence. I have even wondered if I should meet you. I am curious about you. I also want you to see that I am attractive, capable, intelligent and compassionate. Had we met under other circumstances, could we have been friends?

In a strange way, I feel I owe you my gratitude. The revelation of your affair brought all the inevitable emotions, but what prevailed was a sudden self-awareness. I examined my own behaviour and realised that I had to accept some responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage, though not for the affair. That was all down to?him (and you).?

I'm not sure how happy you made him exactly. I just think he was less unhappy with you than he had become with me. I had stopped making time for us, made excuses to avoid being alone together. We had stopped communicating. When I told him I was going to fight for our marriage, he went away to think about it. I think he was surprised. But relieved. We both knew things had to change. Neither of us wanted to stay together because of the children or because it was convenient. We needed to want each other again body and soul.

After months of hard work and some therapy, I feel reconnected, grounded, loved. I have rediscovered my best friend, champion and lover. This is, at?least in part, thanks to you. You made me aware of exactly what we were jeopardising.

You found it hard to let go, with good reason. Maybe you didn't believe him; maybe you thought he would?change his?mind. It felt unresolved for a while. And that brings me to an apology. I'm truly sorry you have been?so hurt. I have never felt anger towards you even when I first discovered your texts. I cannot really feel hurt by someone I do not have a relationship with. I always knew you were a symptom of all the things going wrong in our marriage; that the hurt had been done by someone much closer to me.

I wasn't sure we would survive, but if we hadn't it would have been our failure, not your fault.

I hope you are happier now.

Anonymous

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