Doc Chaves: Raise a fantasy

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"Size really matter? Not as much as you think. ? 

Hi Doc,

What is the best way to appear to have a trio for my girlfriend?

Having a threesome is the fantasy n ° 1 of men and yet if few choose to raise it with their partners. I know it is a risk and there is a possibility for moral prejudice. If it is something you really want and is not important to you, then indoors now probably the answer. Then, how discuss us this potentially delicate subject?

You have to be honest, but respectful of the feelings of your partner and the potential response. Most women do you in connection with the understanding that the triplets are on the table. People generally bring fantasies after fixed. If you think about it, it is probably not what they intended to enter into this partnership and we should consider if things do not go our way.

I found that a soft and simple approach is usually preferable. Let him know that it is difficult to implement, but you want to be honest and to feel that the relationship is strong enough to talk about this. Tell him that you had these thoughts for X number of years, how strong are the desires, and you want to talk with her the opportunity to explore these desires. Then ask him what she thinks, how she feels and if she has questions. Some people may feel attacked, insecure, jealous or even angry. It is important to give space to express themselves and be ready to offer its answers to these concerns. In general, people want to know if there is something that they are doing wrong or if they are not satisfactory to you. You will probably need to reassure and make him feel safe and secure. Remember, opening a relationship does not necessarily mean the relationship is in trouble. This may simply mean partners you want to add to the variety of spices and highlighted current happiness.

Dear Doc,

I do not know why my husband seems to think that it is awesome when it comes everywhere on my face or body. He released a big kick of it, but I told him several times that I do not like it. Why wouldn't he like to come inside of me better? I had spent the buddies who were in the same way.

Men are Visual creatures. We see ejaculate may be an example, Visual of our masculinity, masculinity and sexual power. Men generally love see their ejaculation and have specific interests in how they ejaculate, how many times they squirt and even how far they shoot. He has a little ego involved, too, when you think of the pride that men to acquire "large loads" or how can men mourn loss of ejaculatory volume and strength with age.

In addition, many men have been socialized by porn you want to ejaculate on their partner. It is at the end of most porn scenes and can symbolize completing intercourse, a form of domination, or simply playful sexual expression.

You have also wondered why your would not ejaculate inside you more. While I do not know the State of your relationship birth control, a number of men prefer to ejaculate outside the vagina to prevent pregnancy or due to discomfort with intimacy. For some, there's a part of them that feels safer and more secure, knowing that they do not ejaculate inside.

What is the average length of the penis? Does size really matter?

You may be the greater issue that is on the minds of men. Most men would ask specifically about their penis size, but often choose to ask the question in a general way. While you will find different studies have slightly different results, most research points to about 5.5 inches in length, usually between 5.1 and 5.8 inches. In the past, I've rounded up to 6 inches, but after long reflection, I think that in this case, it is better to not round for obvious reasons.

Does size really matter? Not as much as you think. To put it clearly: most women prefer the circumference on the length, and most women prefer a penis that is average or slightly above or below average size. Only a few women prefer a penis which is very small or very large. Basically, the average length is often preferred, but smaller and larger than the average still have some request. Many of the guys, it is hard to believe that some women prefer a smaller penis. Everyone has different tastes and circumstances and some women have small vaginas, pain during sexual intercourse with average or above average penis, or size may not make much difference for some women. It of really a person for everyone out there.

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Doc Chaves on various, toys & fetish

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"Many people suppress their desires, hide what turns them on and do not benefit from that sex has to offer. ''

Hi Doc,

Why my wife can't be like the girls in porn movies? I would like to have this type of sexual life. Our sex life is very dull. Any advice to change the life of a man?

It is an interesting topic you have raised. For reasons of every man to enjoy the porn are different. For some, it comes to fantasies and live their sexual desires through a film, and for men, they don't feel as is possible in their relations. The misconception is that men watch porn because of the attractive woman. While it may be a piece of the pie, there are more that complements the experience. Many men watch porn and get turned on by female actors because of their sexual open-mindedness, the sense of sexual adventure, sexual confidence and a host of other reasons beyond how the actors seem to. It looks like you want your wife could expand her sexual horizons and incorporate more variety in your sexual life.

My advice to you is to get the most out of the life you have. Many people suppress their desires, hides what turns them on, and do not benefit from what sex can offer. It is not just men either. Is this the kind of sex life, you want to drive? A number of men fear their partner may reject them, leave them their ludicrous, even, if they are more honest about their sexual arousal and what they want sexually. I encourage you to open the channels of communication with your wife and share what you are thinking and feeling. Take a chance. Rewards can last a lifetime. There is a risk. I understand there are partners who cannot manage this type of honesty. You ask yourself the question is: is the risk of a possible positive outcome value? You can find just that she feels the same way and that he would like to improve your sex life as well.

Dear Doc,

I took your advice in an article passed and started to use a vibrator with my girlfriend. It works really great because my hands, fingers, mouth and neck don't get tired as before. My question is, can use this vibrator make him become addicted to it for orgasms?

It is unfortunate that we live in a modern world where the word addiction is shaken so by chance. It is the fault of the media to strengthen it. I do not believe that we can become addicted to a vibrator. But it is possible for some people who use vibrators to become dependent on them to reach orgasm. It is also fair to say that some people can abuse a vibrator where their genitals may feel numb, very sensitive or even painful due to overuse. These feelings generally fade with some rest and time. But all this is very different from the dependency.

A vibrator is a great way to reach orgasm, but this isn't the only way. I suggest you raise this issue with your partner and talk about this concern. It could be a great topic to begin its consideration of the more sexual variety and by using other methods to explore the pleasure. Try with different orgasms types of stimulation, in different positions, in different ways and change what you do together, if you don't get into too much of a routine. Finally, it can not even a problem for her. You can come from a place of wonder if this new device is "replacement" you, and it is possible that your concern is resulting of inferiority or ego. Remember, we do not replace the vibrator, and there is no need of competition. Simply, it improves our pleasure capacity and support to make love.

Doc,

Is it normal to get a button on my penis? This is freaking me out. What is a disease?

Our penises are not perfect. Sorry to burst your bubbles, gentlemen. Sometimes we get imperfections that can be short term, long term or chronic. It does not mean that we have a disease, even if our anxiety often leads us to think the worst of the scenarios. The first thing to do is to relax. Whatever it is, you're looking inside, and is not going to worry about this problem.

Some people have buttons in the genital area, but also the papules penile, ingrown hairs, plates, warts and sexually transmitted infections. The best way to understand if it is a disease or a certain type of imperfection of the penis is to see a doctor and do the test. To wait and see if it goes away is not a good option because you never know if you need medical care and treatment. Next Page >

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Doc Chaves On Anxiety & More Of Your Questions

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"You're not alone in having sexual anxiety and worries about being with a partner." 

Doc,
I'm at a really low point in life, and it's all because my sex life has never been what I wanted it to be. I'm 31, never been with a girl sexually, have kissed, but have never done anything else. I've had opportunities to go farther, but I'm incredibly nervous around women and worry if they're going to like me or be excited by me sexually. Talking about it to friends and the girl I kissed didn't really help like I had hoped. What other things can I do?

You're not alone in having sexual anxiety and worries about being with a partner. Most of our readers can empathize and think back to times in their lives when sexual stress and performance anxiety impacted them. I find the origin of people's anxiety is a good place to start when beginning the process of managing or overcoming our sexual worries. Sometimes it's our childhood, attachment or past relational experiences. Other times, it can come down to simply not having enough education and exposure to help us feel prepared with sex and relationships.

For the first set of difficulties, sex therapy can be very helpful. Make sure it's a qualified, comfortable, open-minded sex therapist who doesn't skirt around issues like masturbation, fantasies, sexual concerns and anything edgy or uncomfortable. Make sure to get information about the therapist's education, degrees, history working in sex therapy and training history to make sure he or she is qualified. For the second difficulty, sex education, this is something you can work on yourself and make a dent in your discomfort with sex and confidence in the bedroom. There are hundreds of sex ed. books and instructional DVDs to choose from that will help you learn, get comfortable and grow in confidence.

Something else that can be more hands-on is working with a surrogate partner. The movie The Sessions put this art form of collaborative experiential treatment in full view of mainstream society. A surrogate partner (not an escort or prostitute) works alone in a session with clients to help them experience and overcome sexual concerns, intimacy difficulties and performance anxiety through communication, touch and sexual exercises.

Typically, a therapist works with the client on psychological aspects and collaborates with both the surrogate partner and client to devise a treatment approach best suited for the client. Everyone is different and what is most powerful depends on each client. Maybe an eye-gazing exercise opens the door to vulnerability for a client because they feel seen or witnessed by someone else. A cuddle or touch exercise can bring up emotions for clients if they have never felt the sensation and warmth of someone showing them affectionate touch. There are a variety of benefits to working with a qualified surrogate. Just like with a therapist, you should ask about their training, internship, experience and certification. Keep in mind surrogate partner therapy is not legal in all parts of the U.S., and some people travel to states where it is legal for intensive training.

Doc,

I have a minor complaint, which is you never post questions about older people and their sex lives. I'm 66 and recently widowed. She was my first love and the only person I have been with. I've worked through her passing and am now facing the prospect of dating, sex and finding someone new. Do you have any suggestions about getting back on the horse?

To lose a loved one is awful, and I'm sorry to hear about this. While this experience is tragic, I'm thrilled to hear you're going to begin a new chapter with sex and relationships. I know it's not easy and there will be a lot to process when you meet someone, begin dating, become sexual?and get into another relationship. The best advice I can give you is to point you in the right direction for a resource.

I attend a number of sexuality conferences to keep up-to-date on what's happening with sex. One trend I notice in the field of sexology is a focus on seniors and sexuality. You may hear different words to describe people of advanced age and their sexuality: "gerontology," "mature," "aging," "late-stage sexuality" and so forth. I prefer "senior sex." One of my favorite books to help people navigate sex in the later years is by Joan Price called Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. It’s hip, contemporary, open-minded and deals with the realities of sex for today's seniors, covering topics like medical issues impacting sexuality, sexual concerns, sexually transmitted infections and contraception, alternative sexuality, diversity of sexual expression, different orientations, and a host of other important senior sex topics. This book is a great start to getting back on the horse and feeling confident, empowered and prepared for the sex and dating scene. Next Page >>

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