5 Tips For Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Trying to get your ex girlfriend back? You might still be doing the traditional begging and apologizing for things she blamed you for, that are not even true.

Such actions can bring yourself down, and it would make your ex think that she made the correct decision to dump you. Most guys would respond the exact way if the roles were reversed.

Here's what you must do instead:

Be calm.

Let's just say that you and your girlfriend have had a huge fight: you yelled at each other and she drove you away. When that all sinks in, you begin to worry and realize that your relationship is starting to fall apart.. As a result, you call her everyday and send text messages and emails, just like a stalker in those thriller movies.

This kind of actions turns women off. Women don't want to be stalked. The first thing that you need to do is to collect your thoughts before you contact her. don't bombard her with calls and text messages. Do it occasionally. If she doesn't reply, proceed to the next step.

The next step is to reach out to her friends. Try to speak to them. I know its hard, but they are the people you need to talk to. Explain your side of the story. Your goal is to get a little sympathy from them so that the next time she talks about you, they can put in a good word for you. It will also make her realize that you are serious about receiving her back.

Look attractive-always!

After a break up, men and women tend to just stop thinking about about themselves and let unhappiness take over, resulting in them not changing their clothes, untidy hair, poor hygiene and huge eye bags. This should not be the case. Regardless of how dreadful you're hurting inside, always try to make an effort to take care of yourself. Don't forget to eat right, get a good sleep and observe personal hygiene. This will make you look good and feel good. Thus, if your ex happens to see you, she might just realize that you're someone worth keeping!

Always be open.

When the tension has died down, try to talk to her. Make sure you know the right words to say. Explain to her what happened and let her know what you're thinking. Tell her that you're just stressed out because of work and family issues. Stay away from topics that can lead to further arguments.

One thing that you need to keep in mind when attempting to get your ex girlfriend back is to keep your self respect intact. Don't prolong any misunderstandings. Be proactive in fixing any issues that may arise so you can put an end to them. Always stay calm and be honest in telling her what you really feel. These simple steps can work to your advantage in reconciling with her and can also serve to make your relationship much stronger.

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Should I tell my girlfriend that I'm addicted to flirting online?

'At some point you’ll hunger for flesh and blood instead of a keyboard at your fingertips': Mariella Frostrup offers a word of warning. Photograph: Alamy

The dilemma I am a 48-year-old man and have been with my partner for 28 years. We have a good and loving relationship and few worries.?Recently, however, I have started to use a chat room where I enjoy chatting and flirting with other women.?I have never done this in real life and have never felt the need to.?I am not sure this is really correct behaviour but am having great trouble stopping – not using the computer seems the only way. I have hinted at this to my partner, but have not told her everything as I am both a?bit ashamed and do not want to hurt her unnecessarily. Please can you offer any advice on how I can kick this habit.

Mariella replies Let's work out if you need to first. Flirting in cyberspace shouldn't necessarily sound the death knell for your relationship. You're only keeping up with the Jones's, as the saying goes.

From Facebook to Twitter, social media increasingly requires you to hone your skills at global seduction, inducing strangers and acquaintances to "friend" you for the world to admire. It turns out your real-world social life doesn't count for a?penny against the more measurable numbers attached to your online relationships. What harm can a bit of online chitchat do when the whole world is out there desperately trying to make connections? I know grown adults who squander hours honing pithy 140-character bon mots in the hope of going viral. If that isn't a form of foreplay, disguised as word play, I don't know what is. You're simply throwing your lot in with the great mass of humanity choosing to lead their lives virtually while around them their nearest and dearest atrophy… or do likewise.

As with everything else on the internet, chat rooms are child's play to access making it seem positively unfriendly not to pop in and say hello. I'll dodge pornography, on which I have lingered of late. But your reluctance to return to an activity you're ashamed of echoes the feelings of many who behave online in ways they would never entertain in their day-to-day lives.

I'd have to be a right old prude to frown on such innocent amusement. What you're up to would seem pretty harmless, enjoying no-strings sexual dialogue that adds some spice to your settled life. Plenty of men in relationships are out there doing it in real time and in real places, so many would argue that yours is a preferable option. But what does worry me is how your on-line activities are making you feel.

Some behaviour only becomes tangible when it's dragged from the shadows and exposed in daylight. You start by saying you enjoy your online activities. If this is your main response then you could invite your partner to join in. Perhaps a joint foray into fantasyland might introduce a revitalizing frisson to your relationship? On the other hand we all know about the perils of Pandora's box and opening doors you can't shut.

And you do also mention feeling shame and compulsion, which makes me wonder about the status of this new form of interaction. Is it replacing something you have lost or something you are missing? Either way you're unlikely to find satisfaction in cyberspace. At some point you'll hunger for flesh and blood instead of a keyboard at your fingertips. Total strangers whose personality is as much of a mystery as their sexuality are as ephemeral as ghosts. If your union is lacking spice, online chat won't provide anything more than a stop-gap before you go hunting the real thing. I've yet to encounter someone who remains content with fantasy flirtations forever. And, as we both know, this will eventually imperil your relationship.

What a pleasure to read about a union of 28 years' duration being good and loving – that's an achievement to be immensely proud of. Forget reaching 100, these days there should be telegrams from the Queen for every decade your partnership lasts. Such rock-solid foundations may offer room for experimentation, but few relationships can withstand the sort of solo voyaging you're currently embarked on. Do you want to throw away what you've built?

As an ex-smoker, every time I go into the newsagent I'm tempted to pick up a packet and if I could enjoy them online it would be an even harder vice to ignore as temptation would be almost constantly present. Just because something is available doesn't mean it shouldn't be declined. The way to kick any habit? Just say no.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. To have your say on this week's column, go to guardian.co.uk/dearmariella. Follow Mariella on Twitter @mariellaf1

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