Single Muslim women on dating: 'I don't want to be a submissive wife'

MuslimandSingle.com … one of many sites catering for young Muslims looking for a partner. Photograph: Guardian

Muslim dating has come of age with its own Carrie Bradshaw-style chick lit. No Sex In the City by Australian author Randa Abdel-Fattah features Esma, "a modern Muslim woman with an age-old dilemma". She is one of four big-city friends seeking Mr Right but with no sex before marriage and no alcohol. As in Britain, Esma finds herself part of a growing demographic: educated, independent career women, who struggle to find a partner, especially over 30.

British Asians have long been early adopters of the technology to find marriage partners. Even the old aunty network of helpful family matriarchs has gone high tech, I'm told, with handwritten notes replaced, with Excel spreadsheets of available "boys" and "girls" aged 20 to 55. Though originally Hindu-focused, the biggest marriage websites, such Shaadi.com, have separate Muslim sections. MuslimandSingle.com has a quick checklist on religiosity: Do you conduct salah (the five-times-a-day prayer ritual)? How often? Eat halal?

One thirtysomething City professional, Asma, has spent a decade looking, with mixed results. "If you're devout and fatalistic, it must be easier in some ways. Because there's this weird scale of 'how religious are you?' How do you define that?" As with Bradshaw, Asma has exchanged plenty of dating horror stories with her friends: "There was the man we called 'genetic diseases' because he asked me if I had any on our very first phone conversation."

There was the Muslim dating event at Excel where, seated in a circle, they went round introducing themselves: "We get to one guy who's bearded and mid-30s. He says: 'Hi, My name's Hassan and I'm here because I'd like to find a second wife.'" No he wasn't divorced or widowed. "It got to my friend who said: 'I'm a civil servant and I'm certainly not here to be anyone's second wife.'"

It seems there are reformations and counter-reformations under way in modern Muslim dating: Some websites encourage modern women to embrace the concept of the "submissive" first (or second) wife. Other couples though are quietly using the nikah (Islamic wedding contract) to try out cohabitation before the finality of a civil marriage. Some forward-looking imams want doctrine updated to allow Muslim women to marry non-Muslims, just as Muslim men can.

Asma is struck by "the huge numbers of confident college girls wearing wild and elaborate hijabs, loads of makeup and kissing their boyfriends in public". Many women develop an assertive Muslim identity at university. Some may seem conservative, from their dress and religious practice, but met and chose their own husbands on demonstrations or political events. They haveve married men from different ethnicities, challenging their parents' racism and obsession with family background. After all, in Islam, all are equal. It's a fascinating new combination of values from faith and the secular society in which they grew up.

"I first properly met my partner at a charity fundraiser for Palestine," says Farrah, a 30-year-old journalist in London. "Some may consider me to be in a mixed relationship as my partner is Shia and I am Sunni." Ana is 33. She did at first date non-Muslims, but "it felt too alien being with someone for whom drinking is an integral part of their culture or who didn't understand family ties … I'm not massively practising as a Muslim but it helped me to see that there are some things that I don't want to compromise on."

All three women I spoke to say the biggest challenge has been to find a man on the same Islamic wavelength; not looking for a "submissive" wife nor so "liberal" that they're drinking and sleeping around. It's a bigger problem with men, believes Asma: "They tend to go more nuts at uni … and then come out and become pious and want a good wife to pray five times a day with. Girls tend to find a middle path about their identity."

Names have been changed

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I'm a gay man, but now I am feeling attracted to women

'I’m not saying all heterosexuals are actually bisexual, but I?think most of us are capable of an equally profound sexual experience in a same-sex liaison': Mariella Frostrup advises a man who has been having gay relationships. Photograph: Reuters

The dilemma I have known I was gay since I was a boy, but recently I have started having sexual feelings for women that I've spent a lot of time with at university. I went to a single-sex school and have never really had any female friends. I wonder if this might have contributed to my belief that I was gay. Ever since spending time with these women I haven't had as strong feelings for men and for the first time find myself fantasising about these women. Can one's sexuality change in such a short time? Is this normal?

Mariella replies What's normal? So much of our behaviour is conditioned by our formative experiences and later circumstances that it's hard to separate what we started out feeling and what developed along the way. I've known parents announce their child is gay at the age of three and others remain blind to their children's sexuality through adulthood. I've seen girls evolve from Barbie-addicted pink princesses to tattoo-covered teenagers with multiple piercings. As?for boys, if I had a pound for every show-tune lover in short pants who turned into a heterosexual school rugby captain I'd eat at Nobu every night and still have change.

After a decade of my mailbag, there are few surprises left in the terrain of the human heart. Uncovering digressions from what we perceive to be "the norm" is what makes opening my inbox a weekly treat. As a species we are definitely not set in our ways. Furthermore, as soon as any of us becomes complacent about the status quo, along comes a?life event to test our incredulity.

You say you've always known you were gay, but the circumstances you describe won't have given you much opportunity to test the alternatives. It's long been my theory that in secondary education single-sex schools are great for girls, for whom boys are a distraction, and terrible for boys who afterwards take years to reconcile themselves to women as friends and equals. Just look at Boris Johnson if you want a prime example.

My feeling is that an absolutist position on sexuality isn't strictly necessary, and certainly not until you are well into adulthood. Society may file its inhabitants into neatly labelled boxes, but one of our most interesting qualities is our ability to shape shift. Some argue that life is complicated enough without leaving our sexuality open to interpretation. For others it's the most predictable of their impulses and, unchallenged by fate, whole lives can be played out devoid of deviation from their chosen normality.

You don't have to try the physical act with both sexes to know for sure what you prefer, but the opposite of what you believe to be your natural proclivity is potentially a?pleasant surprise. Like passion itself, your sexual predilection may seem overpowering – until it passes and something else takes your fancy. I'm not saying all heterosexuals are actually bisexual, but I?certainly think most of us are capable of an equally profound sexual experience in a same-sex liaison. What you ultimately choose – if you do choose – should surely be the person who feels right, not the person boasting the correct genitalia?

Happily most of us are more than the sum of those basic parts. Who we have sex with, how we like our sex and who we fantasise about when the lights are off are frequently mysteries even to those closest to us. In many cases we're estranged from our desires ourselves, self-delusion being as powerful an impulse as any other.

As citizens of a "civilised" society we try to give our brains and not our physical desires control over our actions. The alternative – a frenzy of bacchanalian cavorting with whoever takes our fancy – is exactly what monotheistic religion was invented to avoid. Visiting the British Museum's Pompeii exhibition with my kids this week, predictably, what they were most interested in was the licentious behaviour exalted in much ancient Roman art and iconography.

We are certainly a less carnally indulgent culture. But conclusively partnering with one sex or another has obvious flaws when examined in depth. What you're confronting is the true nature of human sexuality, a state of flux that's dependent on nurture, fate, circumstance and character. I suggest you try not to hurt anyone in the process, but relax and enjoy finding out what works for you.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. To have your say on this week's column, go to guardian.co.uk/dearmariella. Follow Mariella on Twitter @mariellaf1

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I prefer women who don't shave their pubic hair

Body hair arrangements can enhance or undermine lovemaking. Photograph: John Gollop/Getty Images

I am a single man nostalgic for the days before the fashion for an entirely hairless mons veneris. Am I the only man in the world who still likes a floridly sprouting bush? But "natural" is not without problems: I sometimes find that, having persuaded a woman to avoid pruning, I regret it when curlicues get in the way, causing irritation. Would it be too particular to request an au-naturel appearance, with spot-trimming at entry-point?

Some women might take exception to any expectation regarding preferred topiary, but if you are polite and time it correctly, you may avoid a sharp jab to the goolies. Other women might appreciate the attention to detail, wish to please you, and even find it both a relief and a turn-on. But better not to ask until you have reached an understanding that, as established lovers, you are entitled to make such requests of each other. And don't expect it to be all one-way; ask what accommodations she would like in return (if she has a sense of humour, she will demand a complete "back, sack and crack"). For some highly visually attuned people, body hair arrangements can enhance or undermine lovemaking experiences.

On the other hand, since pheromones that are secreted to play a role in sexual attraction may be held in body hair, biologically, women with more pubic hair are sexier. So essentially, your preference is scientifically based. Play that one up next time.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don't send attachments).

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Online dating: do men get ignored more often than women?

'Hmm … Shall I bother replying to this guy?' Men seem to bear the brunt of the online dater's worst nightmare – 'The Silence'. Photograph: Franck Camhi/Alamy

A couple of weeks ago I went climbing with my friend Dan. I met Dan on an internet date last year; we got chatting because we both know how to keep bees. Up until that point, the youngest male beekeeper I had met was my stepdad, who is in his mid-60s. So to meet a man under 40 that shared this particular common ground was great.

Over breakfast at Trove in Levenshulme, it was evident that we weren't destined to romantically chase each other around an apiary, but we clearly got on as friends. Dan expressed an interest in learning to climb, so we've been sharing our tales of internet dating and bees at Awesome Walls in Stockport once a week ever since.

This particular week Dan had a face on him like he'd been slapped with a wet flannel. After what seemed like another promising date a few days before, he was encountering "The Silence" – that cruel tumbleweed blowing around your inbox; when a reply to your message seems to have got lost in the ether. Because no-one is rude enough to just ignore you, right? Even more so after a few messages or even a date?

A road to nowhere?

After all, you read the profile, checked the pictures, sat down and typed a brilliantly composed message. You referenced something on their profile (not just looking at the pictures), complimented something in one of their pictures (in a carefully fashioned non-pervy way), said something a little cheeky (look, I can do banter!), asked some questions (proving you are genuinely interested), spell-checked twice, checked your yours and you'res – in case the recipient comes out in hives in the face of questionable spelling and grammar. Brilliant … SEND.

The object of your desire logs on (you can see this), they read your message (you can also see this), they look at your profile (and can clearly see from your pictures that you helped build an African village on a gap year, can do dead good yoga on a beach in Goa and that you LOVE LAUGHING). How could they not reply and embark on a series of dates of going out and dancing like no-one is watching or staying in with a bottle of red and a DVD. HOW?!

But nothing, not even an acknowledgement. Just a silent rejection of your efforts.

From the comments that were left under my first article, it's evident that both men and women experience this silence, but from asking around my fellow internet daters and reading through the experiences of others, it seems to be more of a frequent issue for the lads than the lasses. I'm not sure how this translates when it comes to same-sex dating, or if the silence is as much of an issue, but in heterosexual dating, men seem to feel ignored more frequently (excluding those who just send penis shots. You deserve ignoring, you naughty buggers).

It sucks. I've been on the receiving end of it, like many other online daters. However in hindsight, replying to a few messages after being up all night at a Boomtown party in Bristol while typing with my fists and clearly way over the limit to operate a computer, it wasn't my finest messaging moment and I would have ignored me too.

But I guiltily hold my hands up to also not replying from time to time. When I first started online dating I replied to every single person. Before you know it, you are juggling a fair few conversations; some that you know full well are not going to lead to a date. On asking one person I dated how they handled this situation, he simply replied: "I just ignore them."

After experiencing being ignored a couple of times, it kind of felt that this was just the way it was done. An unwritten code of accepted rudeness that you probably wouldn't apply in other aspects of your life – unless you were a bit of a turd.

This is where Dan was at. Post-date the text messages were not being responded to. The tumbleweed was knocking around in his phone inbox, and disappointment had set in.

In a bid to cheer Dan up – and stop him expressing his cynicism via the medium of the increasingly droopy rope he was supposed to be belaying me with. I suggested we both have a change of tack and go speed dating. Then you can't be ignored – everyone is sat there in front of your face, any awkward encounters or rejections last a maximum of three minutes. It's the dating equivalent of ripping off a plaster: when it comes to the shit bits, it's over very quickly. It would be a new experience for both of us. He agreed, so it was booked. We were off to Elite Speed Dating at Manchester's Circle club.

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Science Answers: What Lower Back Tattoos On Women Really Mean

"The tat is a telltale sign that the woman who paid to have it permanently etched onto her body is easy... That's really not fair. But many times, life just isn't." 

Results of an interesting new study were released earlier this week, the focus of which was lower-back tattoos on women. The research took place in France, and the results were anything but flattering to the fairer sex. In short, the study showed that most men believe that women who have a tattoo on their lower back are more likely to have sex with them.

Ah, the French.

Now, I'm not here necessarily to argue against the study, or to even poke holes in the testing process. I mean, everyone knows that the best scientific research is done on a beach in the south of France, right? But what I would like to do is give my point of view on the matter.

I, as a single 31-year-old man, tend to disagree with the study

Now, before I go any further, I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up the term "tramp stamp." Over the course of the past 20 or so years, that term has weaseled its way into the pop culture lexicon. And while it's likely not news to anyone, the term "tramp stamp" refers to a lower-back tattoo. As if the tat is a telltale sign that the woman who paid to have it permanently etched onto her body is easy.

That's really not fair. But many times, life just isn't.

The lower-back tattoo is kind of like the scarlet letter of modern times. In many, if not most, cases, I'd assume that the woman in question got the tattoo at an early age -- I'd venture to guess between 17 and 22. In your teens and early 20s, more than half of the decisions you make in life are hormonally based. At that age, your judgments are all too determined by teenage angst. Perhaps the girl got the tattoo as a way of rebel against her parents. Maybe it was a way to draw some attention from a guy she felt invisible to. Hell, maybe the girl was wasted off Zimas and got it in a buddy's kitchen at a house party. Who the hell knows? Either way, I truly feel that no one should be permanently held accountable for a decision they made prior to turning 25. Next Page >>

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Funny women: How to tell a joke and get the guy

It's not a secret that both sexes find playfulness and a sense of humor attractive. Everyone loves to laugh. But is there a right and a wrong way to be funny or tell a joke? What if you tend to be more serious?

Here's a guide to being funny in a way that works for you and your date.

Can anyone be funny? Yes. Breathe easy. You are not doomed to a life of spinsterhood if you think your funny bone doesn't work. There are several types of humor?— dry, subtle, goofy and witty. If you say something that makes other people laugh, but you're not laughing, you likely have a dry sense of humor. Maybe you've heard a friend reply to something you've said with, “You are so clever!” That means you're witty. Perhaps you are a complete smart a**. Congratulations! You have to be smart to be a smart a**. Focus on the brand of humor that you think most closely represents your natural style. The least funny thing you can do is force it. Don't try to emulate someone else's humor?— hone your own.

So how do you tune up your funny bone? There are several ways! If you tend to notice things that others don't notice, that can make you very funny. The truth is, other people are likely observing the same things you are, thinking similar things to what you are thinking, and when you give it a voice, other people immediately giggle and relate to you because they were thinking the same thing.

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger agrees: “Everyone can find the funny like Seinfeld did in everyday life. Like standing at the DMV and seeing the crazy characters that come in. Real funniness comes from relatable anecdotes we all internalize.” So take those obscure little nuances that many of us notice but don't say much about and voice them in a way that is hilarious.

Think about your favorite story teller in your family. Whether it's your dad or your aunt, what likely makes them your favorite is that they exaggerate family stories in a way that relates to the truth, but is so exaggerated you can't help but laugh. For example, is it funnier to say, “Man, I'm hungry,” or “Man, if I don't get something to eat, I'm going to start gnawing on my arm?” Naturally, you are never going to eat your own arm, and that is what makes exaggeration humorous. When dabbling with exaggeration, think of Halloween costumes. Who always wins costume contests? The funster who took a basic concept and went totally over the top with it.

By practicing on your friends, I don't mean rolling out a stand-up routine of your latest material. When you are socializing with friends, pay closer attention to when they laugh at the things you say and try to establish what made them giggle. If you want to go with the basic stand-by of joke telling, that is OK, but run your jokes past your friends. You'll soon figure out if you can deliver a joke effectively. If you tell a joke and the crickets chirp afterward, you know joke-telling is not your bag.

One crucial rule of joke-telling is to engage your filter! So many people don't do this, especially after having a few drinks and people will laugh, but it will be uncomfortable, awkward laughter. That's not what we're going for here. You want guys to come back for more of your humor, not wish the floor would swallow them whole so they can escape your broken filter. If you take nothing else away from this article, remember this?— know your audience! Don't tell religious or political jokes to a group of people you've just met. Telling racy jokes at an office party is also ill-advised.

How do you crack a joke? Patti offers up a piece of advice for that too. “The best way to start the conversation is something like 'I heard this funny thing today…' and go for it?— especially if it lends itself to current events. Men generally like a worldly girl.”

And what if, heaven forbid, your joke goes south? Patti suggests rolling with it. “[Respond with something light like] ‘Whoops, clearly I was trying too hard here,' or ‘I guess I won't quit my day job' and switch the subject to something you both love. Men have a very limited short-term memory. Out of sight, out of mind. That's why a woman's corpus callosum is bigger.”

Like any other skill, humor has key elements. They come naturally to some, and not to others. Tune in to shows like Comedy Central, Saturday Night Live and sitcoms like Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond. Study timing and word choice?— two vital components of humor. Often, it's not so much what a person says as it is when or how they say it. Notice the things that make you laugh, and try to figure out why you thought it was funny.

When it comes to dating, men and women love a sense of humor. Laughing is something we all love doing, regardless of gender or age, so get a sense of your sense of humor and don't be surprised if your new command of all things funny brings the boys to the yard.

Who is your
favorite funny lady? Share your
pick in the
comments below!

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Is There Pure Friendship Existing Between Men and Women?

In fact the title of the article is just a question which is haunting in my brain for years. As we know, people do have many different kinds of emotions, and that's just the reason why we differe from the other animals. We love our families, our friends and our partner, and we know the difference of these love. But when the friendship comes to a man and woman, is there any possibility they keep a pure relationship?

Women and men are naturally mutual attracting, surely except homosexual. And in actual life, we do have many female friends and male ones. But you will only marry your Mr. Right guy in your designer wedding dress, and you will ask your close female friends as your bridesmaid as well. How about your male friends? They can only act as guests for your wedding; even you two have close friendship. Actually I doubt there is pure friendship between men and women, not always at least, since love is happened by some chemical reaction, that means it's a possibility for you and your opposite sex friends to become lovers one day. I guess that's the reason why some ambiguous feeling always exists between men and women. From this aspect, there may be no pure friendship between opposite sex friends.

A male friend of mine told me once time it's depending on the female part to decide if the friendship is a pure one or an ambiguous one. He thought men like girls unless they are too ugly. They would have sex with them if the girl allowed, but that doesn't mean they love them. And at the female's side, they will not have sex with their male friends unless she loves him secretly. The relationship will become a little complex if it refers to sex. And that's why to keep a pure friendship between male and female is a little difficult. One day, when you get married, your spouse will be also jealous for you to get close with your male or female friends.

I'm still a little confused now. Sometimes I see there is true friendship between man and women, but sometimes it changes quickly. I guess it's just because to remain a friendship between the opposite sexes is much more difficult than the same sex. But who knows, as the sex difference become smaller nowadays, maybe one day you can ask both of your male and female friends to be your bridesmaids for your wedding and dress them in their designer bridesmaid dresses.

It is really a difficult question to figure out the friendship between a man and a woman. You can only wear your gorgeous wedding dress to marry one man, but you can share your happiness and sadness with more than one of your male friends. Your female friends will be your bridesmaids wearing elegant long bridesmaid dresses , while the male friends will also attend your wedding to send their blessings to you.

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Chat Beautiful Ukraine Women On Ukrainian Dating Site

It is common for many single guys online dating beautiful Ukraine women that they don't know what to talk about after the greeting email. When you are using a Ukrainian dating site and find a girl you like, you begin to write the first email. First say "Hi, your profile has caught my eye. ", and the words of the kind. After that, guys don't know what to talk to get closer to each other. In modern society, it is a big problem for guys, especially older guys. Because with the rapid development of everything in the society, it seems that guys have lost the ability of flirting with women. In this article, I will discuss about how to start a conversation with beautiful Ukrainian girls you like and develop closer relationship with her during pleasant chats.

Talk About Travel With Ukrainian Women You Are Dating

Most Ukrainian women enjoy travelling. And those who love travelling would also like to hear the exciting and interesting stories that happened in your tour and journey. Since you are from a different country, let's say America or Canada, the wonders in your country can certainly stir up the interest and attention of the Ukrainian woman. She may also begin to talk about her own experiences and her country. Talk about the popular tourist destinations,; talk about what you like about people, weather , food and so on. Don't forget to tell that you will visit Ukraine definitely.

Pick Up Food Topics

Food is one of the most essentials in life. In everyday life, we are connected with food and meals. Discuss about food in your country and traditional Ukraine food. During the discussion, you can also get to know more about the beautiful Ukrainian women. You will know what her favourite food is and what she doesn't like to eat. You will know a lot about Ukraine traditional food. One day when you visit her, you can enjoy the food you once mentioned online together. It is all beautiful memory.

Discuss Some Topics Related To Politics

Since we are surrounded by large amounts of information and the latest news on the Web, the big event happening nearby the Ukraine girl you dating is also good topics. Ask her opinion about the newly elected president or about the protest in her city. What is her feeling? And the like. Invite her to voice out her ideas to you.

Those things are all that Ukraine women would love to hear and talk about and are good topics of daters' conversations. If you are attracted to single Ukrainian women, try this Russian and Ukrainian dating site. It is a good dating platform for guys meeting Ukraine singles for long-term relationship and marriage.

I recently met a beautiful Ukrainian girl and I was attracted to her. I have sent her an email. When next time I see her online, what can I talk with her? Check this article and get a success key for your dating Russian girls and Ukrainian girls.

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Why Men Date "Difficult Women"

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"You can be attracted to the bitch because she expresses the anger you can’t, won’t or don’t allow yourself to express -- which often means?you're 'a nice guy.'"

Script writer, relationship expert and matchmaker on NBC's new TV show Ready for Love, which airs Tuesdays, says your history of dating "difficult women" says more about you than it does about them. Here's a piece she wrote for AskMen about the subject.

God knows there are difficult women out there. Women who are -- at times -- shallow, bitchy, selfish, dishonest and, of course, crazy. But what I’m here to say is this: Your problem is not that these women exist; your problem is that you’re trying to date them.

Wait. I hear you protesting. You are right now saying to your computer screen:?That’s the surprising secret about difficult women? But, but, but… all women are like that!

Actually, things are more complex than that. Because, while it may be true that every woman has her something, we don’t all have the same something. Right? So, why, if you’re like most guys, do you find yourself dealing with one or two of the same somethings over and over again? Even when you specifically go looking for someone completely different from the last chick who caused you so much grief, how is it that, lo and behold, here you are, one year later, putting a new password on your phone, again?
I’ll tell you how.

Because it’s not that bitches is crazy. It’s that you got a thing for bitches… who is crazy. This is also known as having a “type.” But where we generally think of having a type as, say, liking redheads or being an “ass man,” what most people really have is an energetic type. Someone who acts (and reacts) in ways that we mostly enjoy, until we realize that what we’re attracted to is just the exterior, hiding the other quality which, it turns out, bugs the sh*t out of us. And the deal is this -- that other quality? It matches something inside you. So let’s look at some common archetypes and what they might correspond to in yourself.

What makes her attractive:?She’s a go-getter. She’s sassy. She’s a challenge. And, often, she makes money. What’s underneath that:?The bitch is all about anger. Often, she’s been hurt out there in the world and she’s developed a tough exterior -- and sometimes interior -- to protect herself.? What dating her says about you:?There are two ways this can go. You can be attracted to the bitch because she expresses the anger you can’t, won’t or don’t allow yourself to express -- which often means?you're “a nice guy.” Or she just reflects (and usually amplifies) your own anger back to you. If you’re the kind of guy who’s known for knock-down drag-outs with his girlfriends, or maybe gets into a bar fight every once in a while, this is definitely you.
What makes her attractive:?Duh. She’s hot. And she’s willing. What’s underneath that:?A woman who knows how hot she is and has spent most of her life and relationships controlling men with her sexuality. What dating her says about you:?I know all men are attracted to “hot,” available women. But only a specific kind of guy is actually trying to get into a relationship with a woman who wears Lucite heels -- or just vibes likes she’s wearing them. If you’re the guy who just can’t get interested in a girl who couldn’t pass for a porn star, you might have an issue with addictive sex. You know how normal drinkers just have wine with dinner while the addicts are in the bathroom doing blow? When it comes to sex, that’s you. You need to get high. Off sex. You know you’re this guy if sometimes you just wish you could be the kind of guy who could settle down with a “regular” woman and get it over with -- but you know deep down, you just can’t.
What makes her attractive:?She’s a trophy. Incredibly well put together, she’s the kind of girl who, when you’re with her, makes you wish you could run into your ex. What’s underneath that:?The gold digger thinks like an asset manager -- how can she use what you want to get what she wants.?What dating her says about you:?If you’re attracted to trophy wife material, you go for only eights, nines or tens. You’re most likely also a “King of the World” type who believes all women are just out for (your) money. If this is you, women are just another resource to be mined or commodity to be traded. So it makes sense that you attract (and are attracted to) women who leverage their own assets in the hopes they’ll be able to exploit yours. The beauty of this relationship is that you can both be sure you’ll get what you really deserve: each other. Next Page >>

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Do Women Want It As Much As You?

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"If there’s not enough sex in a relationship the default assumption is that the woman is withholding. But is this true?" 

Not having enough sex?
It might be your fault.

In a recent Salon article, Tracy Clark-Flory did some digging with female readers and came up with some surprising results. She asked for women to come forward who had experienced being the one with the higher sex drive in a relationship.

She’d only get one or two answers, right?

In contrast to what we normally hear, Clark-Flory was “was flooded with responses” from women who said they weren’t getting enough love from their partners.? Now what’s enough? That differed tremendously -- some women had husbands who weren’t interested in sex for days, weeks -- even years. One reader was upset because her boyfriend wasn’t able to keep up on the fourth go-around on the same night. One woman even complained that her husband would roll over and fake sleeping to get out of sex on a consistent basis.

What’s normal? According to the University of Chicago’s "The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States," one of the most comprehensive studies on the subject, normal sexual frequency can vary from a few times a week (32%) to a few times a month (47%).

If you’re both happy and satisfied, then it’s both normal and enough. Problems arise when there’s a disconnect between expectations and reality. One partner might be expecting sex at least once a week but if the reality is that it only happens every couple weeks, then someone is going to be dissatisfied.

Do men sometimes lose their sexual appetite?? Yes, it happens and quite often, in fact. Many factors can ruin the mood including stress, medications, weight gain (by either partner) and busy schedules.

The problem is that when men lose interest in sex, it often means that there are deeper issues in the relationship. Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist who specializes in sexuality, recently told the Wall Street Journal that "For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy." If there’s no sex, that feeling of intimacy with a partner is slowly lost. And when intimacy is lost, then more and more problems being to arise.

But how do couples get stuck in this loveless rut?

If there’s not enough sex in a relationship the default assumption is that the woman is withholding. But is this true?

Is your partner shutting you down? Or are you just not in the mood?

We want to hear from you. Have you ever shut her down? Have you ever pretended to be asleep to avoid sex? Is her sex drive more active than yours? How often do you and your partner have sex?

Send us an email: editorial@askmen.com

We'll tally the results and let you know the verdict later in the week!

If you libido has dropped off recently, you’ll definitely want to check out this video to help get things back on track:

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