How to survive the summer holidays: making (and ditching) friends

Holiday friendships –?grinning and bearing it. Photograph: Alamy

If you're the sort of person who goes on holiday to meet people, it might be time to take a good hard look at yourself. At some point during your nascent relationship, your new holiday friends will ask themselves a serious set of questions. Questions that might include: "How did these people figure out my name?", "Do I really have to eat with them again?" and "Oh God, what if they're swingers?"

By and large, holiday friendships are the worst. Oh, sure, they start well enough – usually in a tipsy, sun-drenched rush of where-are-you-froms and how-was-your-flights – but that never lasts. By day two, they've bonded with you. By day three, you're trying to overlook their obvious psychological shortcomings. By day four, you're deliberately avoiding their attempts to get your attention at dinner. By day six, you're so overwhelmingly sick of hearing about their sodding workmates that you've started cancelling all activities that they've even vaguely expressed an interest in. Day seven – when they say "Let's stay in touch" and you scream a made-up phone number back at them and run for the airport – cannot come quickly enough.

But, fine, maybe I'm in the only person in the world who hates holiday friendships enough to spend entire trips twitching and alone in my room. Maybe, for whatever reason, you really are interested in meeting people. If that's the case, it's incredibly important that you choose your prospective friends carefully.

How old are they? Do their interests match yours? What books have they brought? Are they always drunk? Are they a couple scouting around for friends because they obviously can't bear to spend an entire week in each other's company? Do they look like the sort of people who'll turn up at your house at 3am because they mistook "Let's stay in touch" as an offer to actually stay in touch and not just an easy conversational get-out? Trust me, this will be the difference between a terrible holiday and a tolerable one.

Remember, you're going to be stuck in the same place as these people for several days. Pick badly and it'll be almost impossible to extract yourself from the friendship before the break ends. You won't be able to stop running into them – whether they're picking at their bellybuttons by the pool or pushing a boiled egg around a plate at breakfast because they don't know the Italian word for "egg cup" – and it'll be excruciating.

Plus, thanks to Facebook, it'll never end. At some point, either during the holiday or afterwards, these people will track you down online and befriend you. And then that's it. You're doomed to decades of birthday notifications and photos of their children and constant reminders that they still don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". You'll spend the rest of your life in a state of quiet panic in case one of them suddenly mentions that they're visiting town. At least in the past you knew that bad holiday friendships had an ending. Now, for anyone on Facebook, they're a life sentence.

But maybe I'm being too negative. Sometimes, if the wind is blowing in the right direction and you both understand the transient nature of the relationship, meaningful connections are still possible. The boy I met in Portugal when I was two who could only say the word "toast". The bored teenagers who I played rock, paper scissors with for 90 minutes while their mum faffed around in a department store. The woman vomiting on a cross-Channel ferry. The German guy who very carefully taught me all the swearwords he knew. I will always remember these people. I don't want to be friends with them, though. Good God, no.

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How to survive the summer holidays – your partner and other families

It should be pretty easy to get on provided you're on holiday with someone you actually like. Photograph: Alamy

My mother used to say that the reason couples argued on holiday was that they weren't used to spending time together. She also said the most successful relationship she'd ever seen was between her aunt and her merchant seaman husband. They only saw one another for three months out of every year, and consequently managed to string out their honeymoon period. It was about 18 years before they finally began to repulse each other.

I took all this entirely at face value, not considering the fact that she might be trying to put a positive spin on being single (she was single). And so I always dreaded holidays with any given partner, the way you'd dread your next-door neighbour starting work on his basement: staring at your life, waiting for the cracks.

In many relationships, this is a perfectly reasonable approach. But when you're with someone you actually like, it is pretty easy to get on, so long as you a) don't (both) have a cracking hangover every time you wake up, b) allow "free time", when you're allowed to listen to your iPod, like when you were on a French exchange, and c) you state your preferences in a clear way. I've seen many couples torn apart by the "I don't mind, you choose" fandango, when really they both mind, and are displeased with the other's choice. My husband, conversely, greets every new exploration like this: "In terms of sightseeing, between 'none', 'some' and 'lots', I am happy with 'none' and 'some'." It's very clear.

I've read so many tortured pieces about the nightmare of travelling with other couples and other families: what if their kids eat different things from yours, or go to bed at different times, or make annoying noises; or what if the wife is a slob and the husband is right-wing, or what if someone's tight, or what if they all like the name game when your forte is Boggle? I just think those people aren't suited to group holidays. Taking it as read that you like your friends and that their views won't surprise you, that you're not an arse and you accept that it's none of your business what other people's children eat (or indeed, what other people eat), you observe the rules of the pub: did you go to the bar last time? No? You should probably go this time. Did your wife go last time? That's irrelevant. You are two people, in the eyes of the round, not one person.

Someone is always tight. Accept them, like mosquitoes. Except don't spray them. There is time for the name game and Boggle!

My sister's golden rule is: "If someone isn't annoying you, you're probably annoying them." I urge you not to accept this: you'll end up trying to offset your paranoia by finding reasons to be annoyed by somebody. But she's often right about that kind of thing.

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Reader stories: My summer fling

Summer flings are all about falling in love quickly?— and for a few lucky ones, that head-over-heels love lasts and turns into something more. Let's hear what real women have to say about summer flings!

Why is it that summer flings seem so glorious and romantic? Maybe it's the fantasy of being swept off our feet by an Italian hunk that picks us up on his motorcycle and leaves us with one long-stem rose. Or maybe it's the idea of simply falling in love, having picnics in the park and walking hand-in-hand at sunset. Either way, summer flings are fun, spontaneous and all-consuming. Real women share details of their summer fling and whether or not it lasted, plus we share some tips on what can make them last!

“I had just ended an eight year relationship when I met Stefano, a gorgeous visitor from Italy who looked like what I assumed Edmond Dantes looked like from The Count of Monte Cristo. For three weeks, we zipped around New York, kissing in little bistros and walking through parks. We had espresso in SoHo, wine in the village and both cried by the A train as we said goodbye before he went to catch his flight. He called me before take-off and wrote me as soon as he landed. He attempted to keep it going, but he was a gorgeous playboy and I was heartbroken and madly in love with someone I knew I could not be with, my ex. Stefano and I remain friends and I am so happy to have met him, but I wouldn't date him for any amount of money — heartbreak city!”

Be realistic. If your summer fling happens to be the world's most eligible bachelor, like Brenda's, view the relationship as something short and sweet. Spending all your time and energy trying to get a ladies' man to commit is simply asking for heartbreak.

“This was the first summer I had been single in about five years. Though I was more than open to the idea of a summer fling, I wasn't actively seeking one out. One night while out with friends, I met a tall, dark and handsome man that made my heart skip a beat. He was also interested?— and so our summer fling began. I never thought it would turn into something more. In fact, he dated lots of women and I figured there was no way he was looking to be serious, so why try. He ended up pursuing me throughout the summer and into the fall… and winter… and spring… and summer again and now we're happily married. When I'm mad at him, I look back at our first summer together and can't help but smile.”

Let the man pursue you. We love that Elizabeth didn't pour her whole heart into her summer fling and wind up heartbroken. It's the man's job to pursue you?— let him. If he wants it to be something more?— as in Elizabeth's case?— you'll be the first to know.

"I had a summer fling last summer that worked out great for awhile. The guy was successful, handsome, owned his own place and liked me (of course!). He had great qualities and we had fun together...until he wanted to know 'where this was going.' Yikes! I wasn't looking for anything serious. It's called a 'fling' for a reason!"

Know what you want. We love that Madeline wasn't looking for anything more than a casual dating experience and she stayed true to herself. When dating or in a serious relationship, the most important thing you can do is stay true to who you are. You should never feel pressured to change your goals or ambitions strictly to please someone else - especially when it comes to summer flings!

Have you ever experienced a summer fling? Did it last? Share in the comments below!

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Summer sex positions

Now that it's finally getting hot outside, it's time to take off all your clothes! Try these adventurous, summer sex positions to keep you cool and concentrated on doing the dirty.

Making love outside on a deck chair is not only creative, but memorable and romantic as well, especially when the sun is going down, according to Dr. Ava Cadell, spokesperson for The Experience Channel and renowned love and sex therapist. "The man lies on his back, and the woman lies on top of him with her legs closed. This gives him a tighter sensation and puts added pressure on her clitoris. It's the perfect position for caressing her breasts. Plus, it's empowering for the woman, as she is in control of the speed, depth and angle of penetration.”

How awesome is the name of this position!? It's a rear-entry position (doggy style), so it's very visually exciting for a man, says Ava. But don't worry?— it can be just as pleasurable for a woman too. Ava suggests putting a pillow underneath your tummy with an icepack wrapped in a towel to help beat that summer heat.

Yep, you guessed it! This position is absolutely ideal for a swimming pool and has the added advantage of allowing for prime G-spot stimulation. "The man should stand in the shallow end with his back firmly braced against the edge of the pool,” advises Ava. "He can hold onto the woman's hips as she spreads her legs wide open and does the breaststroke motion, opening and closing them for deeper orgasmic intensity.” Sounds fun!

Summer is the perfect season for a picnic on a secluded beach or even in your own backyard. After feeding each other sensually, Ava recommends giving each other an intimate foot rub with some chilly ice water. Then, have him get into the classic marriage proposal position, while you climb on top and straddle him. "The Teddy Bear Position is romantic and great for kissing, eye gazing and cuddling. The woman can bounce on his penis for the right amount of penetration as well.”

Ready to get it on!? One popular summer sex position is for the woman to stand on the floor and bend over the bed or a table, says AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, Charlie Glickman, Ph.D. "If she's wearing a skirt, it's great for quickies, like during a BBQ. There's minimal clothing to worry about, and it can be done anywhere there's a convenient surface, such as the shallow end of a pool with her leaning over the edge.”

Slow it down! "Although summer love might seem like the best time for a quickie, it's even better if you turn on a fan and slow things all the way down. This will likely help your tryst to last longer and increases the amount of arousal you can build up. It may even make your orgasms stronger."Don't forget to hydrate. "Whatever position you do assume, be sure to stay extra-hydrated, particularly if you don't move slowly. Vigorous intercourse on a hot day can make you wonderfully sweaty and disheveled but will also deplete your body of water and electrolytes. Iced tea and summery alcoholic beverages dehydrate you, so work a bottle of water or a sports beverage into your plans."Use silicone lube in the water. "If you do have a safe body of water in which to frolic, water-based lubricant (as well as her vaginal secretions) will rinse right off. Stash a bottle of silicone lube in your pool bag instead."

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My summer fling bought me a ring!

Sowing your wild oats typically doesn't turn into a long-lasting committed relationship-turned-marriage. In fact, most times that's exactly the opposite of what you'd expect out of a one-time fling. But sometimes, life has an interesting way of changing things up!

As ironic as it sounds, Bethany Herwegh's love story began on the set of a film. Her personal romantic life played out like the scenes of a low budget film she was working on. Here, this wide-eyed 24-year-old college graduate met the 31-year-old man she'd soon marry... and live happily ever after.

Almost 15 years ago, Bethany graduated from Boston University with a degree in costume design. Originally from Los Angeles, she was thrilled to be back at home, after having spent the past six years in the Northeast. She managed to land a job as an on-set costume designer for a super low budget movie. After a few weeks prepping for the show with the wardrobe department, this fresh-out-of-college graduate was ready for her first job in the real world.

While on set, Bethany's job was to take care of all of the clothing, making sure the continuity of the clothes was exactly the same from scene to scene. In order to do so, she needed be on set, but off camera, watching how the clothes moved on the actors. As it was her first day, Bethany was on set early. She staked her area and then sat down to watch what was going on. She could see the cinematographer giving directions to the lighting and camera crews. She heard the director barking orders to his assistants, and she noticed that the grips were doing all the hard work. But what really caught her eye wasn't a what at all — it was a who.

She spotted a very handsome young man, who she describes as tall, blonde and with a good jawline. He was standing pretty close to her watching the set. At that moment, one of the actors, a little boy about 10 years old, remembered her from costume fittings the week prior. He came right up to her and pointed to the handsome man and said, "That guy loves you," loud enough for both of them to hear! Needless to say, she was mortified and quickly hushed him.

At that point, the man came up and introduced himself and the couple got to talking. Turns out he was the on-set dresser, which meant that just as she was to keep track of the wardrobe continuity, he had to make sure the sets looked the same every time they shot a scene. So, because they both needed to be on set all the time, they ended up spending hours together, just talking and working.

When she found out he was much older by a whole seven and a half years, she was shocked and didn't know what to think. Though it doesn't seem like a big difference to her now, when she was 24, she questioned why this 31-year-old man wasn't married. Was there something wrong with him? That thought, coupled with his body tattoos, solidified her final answer: He wasn't marriage material. As far as she was concerned, he was one-night stand material.

They decided to go on their first date (and night!) after the movie wrapped at the end of August. A year to the day after that first date, this tall, blonde man with a great jawline asked Bethany to marry him and a year after that, they had the ceremony?— August of the year 2000.

They wrote their story on their marriage program, dedicating it to the little boy who introduced them, who they consider their little cupid.

Do you have a story like this? Share your fling turned into a ring story with us!

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