Getty Images"If there’s not enough sex in a relationship the default assumption is that the woman is withholding. But is this true?"Not having enough sex?
It might be your fault.
In a recent Salon article, Tracy Clark-Flory did some digging with female readers and came up with some surprising results. She asked for women to come forward who had experienced being the one with the higher sex drive in a relationship.
She’d only get one or two answers, right?
In contrast to what we normally hear, Clark-Flory was “was flooded with responses” from women who said they weren’t getting enough love from their partners.? Now what’s enough? That differed tremendously -- some women had husbands who weren’t interested in sex for days, weeks -- even years. One reader was upset because her boyfriend wasn’t able to keep up on the fourth go-around on the same night. One woman even complained that her husband would roll over and fake sleeping to get out of sex on a consistent basis.
What’s normal? According to the University of Chicago’s "The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States," one of the most comprehensive studies on the subject, normal sexual frequency can vary from a few times a week (32%) to a few times a month (47%).
If you’re both happy and satisfied, then it’s both normal and enough. Problems arise when there’s a disconnect between expectations and reality. One partner might be expecting sex at least once a week but if the reality is that it only happens every couple weeks, then someone is going to be dissatisfied.
Do men sometimes lose their sexual appetite?? Yes, it happens and quite often, in fact. Many factors can ruin the mood including stress, medications, weight gain (by either partner) and busy schedules.
The problem is that when men lose interest in sex, it often means that there are deeper issues in the relationship. Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist who specializes in sexuality, recently told the Wall Street Journal that "For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy." If there’s no sex, that feeling of intimacy with a partner is slowly lost. And when intimacy is lost, then more and more problems being to arise.
But how do couples get stuck in this loveless rut?
If there’s not enough sex in a relationship the default assumption is that the woman is withholding. But is this true?
Is your partner shutting you down? Or are you just not in the mood?
We want to hear from you. Have you ever shut her down? Have you ever pretended to be asleep to avoid sex? Is her sex drive more active than yours? How often do you and your partner have sex?
Send us an email: editorial@askmen.com
We'll tally the results and let you know the verdict later in the week!
If you libido has dropped off recently, you’ll definitely want to check out this video to help get things back on track:
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