Have I fractured my husband's penis by sitting on it?

Peyronie's disease can have a devastating effect on couples. Photograph: Fuse/Getty Images/Fuse

My husband has been diagnosed with Peyronie's disease. Searching online I learned the alarming symptoms – an increasingly curved penis, possibly requiring surgery. After 14 years of great lovemaking, an erection causes him immense pain and has terminated our sex life. His doctor told him to stop attempting sex while he massages in prescribed cream, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm frustrated and worried. The doctor even implied it might have been my fault – possibly fracturing my husband's penis by sitting on it too roughly. What can we do?

Unfortunately, the treatment of Peyronie's disease can be long-term, with a fairly slow recovery. Support your husband throughout. Try to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude, and encourage him to follow his doctor's orders to correct the buildup of plaque and/or scar tissue in a penile artery that's causing erectile pain. Penises do sometimes get damaged when an unwitting, on-top partner hasn't realised the other's erection has been partially lost, but try not to blame yourself – there are other possible ways this condition might have developed. For now, it's important to maintain your intimate connection in non-sexual ways. Partners tend to withdraw physically, because they're afraid to do anything that might arouse their men and cause further pain. Try another activity which provides the opportunity to be close, intimate and romantic.

‧ Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

‧ If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please do not send attachments)

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